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Original poster

to try and make this work? (Cat between homes)

145 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/03/2024 23:45

DD (youngest of 6, 13 soon) desperately wants a cat.

I have been quite "yeah yeah" when the kids wanted pets as I got caught out 20 odd years ago with eldest who wanted a pet he would definitely take care of.....you know how that ended! And of course the kids who "needed" a pet soon moved on to the next thing and forgot about it. But DD has been badly traumatised and has severe anxiety. Her room is full of stuffed toys that she carries around with her and she is so attached to my sisters cats. I would consider it an emotional support animal.

I should say, for avoidance of doubt, I have always been very dismissive of such things before and a bit "oh bloody snowflakes" about it, but now I do see the value in such relationships.

So I have decided that yes, she can have a cat.

However.......she has to be with her father EOW (note HAS to be) and I worry that she would refuse to go if she cant take the cat with her. He would be ok with having the cat in the house, but I worry for the cat. It would need to be cared for in the same way as it would be at home, the travel EOW as I know some cats hate car travel, and would need to be 100% a house cat.

I am thinking that we could make this work. Ex is a prick but he would move the world for DD so whatever her and her cat need, he would make happen. And if we get a young rescue (or rescue kitten) and make it their normal it could be ok?

Or, another thought, should we maybe approach a place the specialises in supprt animals? It has to be a cat, DD wouldnt consider anything else.

OP posts:
Mix56 · 12/03/2024 02:20

Tell her that she can have a cat, but from the start, make her understand the proviso is, it stays at yours EOW

booboo24 · 12/03/2024 06:00

To add to my comment yesterday, what happens if you try and it doesn't work out? The poor cat just gets sent where? Even if re homed, it will have to re adjust to new surroundings again, and having taken in cats from rescue centres, it takes a while for them to truly settle and relax. They should be a lifelong commitment because you want one, and you take the rough with the smooth. Your daughter's old enough to understand that it's not in the cat's best interest to be shipped around just because that's what she wants. Some replies have suggested it's worked for them, but they will be a very small minority, and whilst it might 'work' i doubt the cat will be truly happy and relaxed.

Is her heart firmly settled on a cat? What about a calm dog, or a pair of guinea pigs, they're nice natured and will sit on your lap?

Beamur · 12/03/2024 06:56

Guinea pigs aren't a bad idea actually.
You can have a big cage/run at each home and transport them in something smaller.
I had a colleague that regularly travelled at weekends to stay at a different town and took her piggies with her.
They're less nuanced pets than cats (shorter lifespan too) but enjoy human company and are endearing and entertaining. Pop over to the small pets thread.

Astonetogo · 12/03/2024 07:30

If ger father would move the world for his DD, could he get a cat himself? Cat at Dads and cat at mum’s?

Picklestop · 12/03/2024 07:39

No no no. Absolutely not. This is a cat not a dog, they are not portable. This is cruel.

Nowfor · 12/03/2024 09:00

The thing that really concerns me here is that it appears your daughter thinks that whatever living creature she ends up with, it will be a thing for her to cuddle and cart around with her. You won't know the 'personality' of the animal until they've settled in. Lots of cats don't like being picked up. Not all guinea pigs are happy to be picked up regularly and sat on laps to be fussed.

It's also clear that you really don't have time for pet care when she's not at home. But be realistic - when the novelty wears off you're the responsible one when she loses interest. Nothing about this is a good idea, and if your daughter loves animals she's old enough to start learning this.

CatMummyOf3 · 12/03/2024 14:35

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/03/2024 01:45

I have to admit I was coming down on the side of "Either the cat or EOW with dad" because I wasnt sure that her transporting the cat with her would work. DD's father is the reason she has such PTSD but sadly I have no choice over EOW. The cat would have a loving home here, so I have to decide between DD having the cat she wants or going back to court.....

I will choose the cat if that is what it takes but fuck, I was rather hoping that the answer would be that we could make it work.

Bugger.

Thanks all.

I've been reading through your comments again, and keep coming back to this one.

Everyone is focusing on whether getting a portable cat would be doable, which is fair enough, that was the reason for your post. However, it sounds to me that getting a pet is just a bandaid for a much bigger problem.

If your ex-dh is the reason for dd's ptsd, I think you need to seriously consider the court option. Cats are great, but even IF you manage to get the perfect one for your dd, it can't fix the actual problem.

Wishing you all the best, it sounds like you have a lot to deal with 💐

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 12/03/2024 14:42

My two Siamese travelled from London to the weekend cottage every week in our car, took about an hour and a half. They didn’t go out in London but they had free reign in the garden and fields in the country.

They were fine. They didn’t travel in a basket, just sat on me . Occasionally they would sit on the back window seat to disconcert other drivers if the traffic was slow🤭.

BUT , Siamese are well known for being ‘good’ travellers, and their lives were otherwise very calm. they didn’t really care where they were, as long as I was there.

ShennyInfinity · 12/03/2024 15:50

I'm with everyone else here, I've had cats all my life and they are definitely not portable, they are very territorial and also have a set routine so trying to move a cat between homes is an accident waiting to happen.

JigglySmithers · 12/03/2024 15:52

Beamur · 10/03/2024 23:56

I wouldn't cart a cat about like that.
They are great pets and can be very empathetic. But do remember it's on their terms - not ours.
Would your ex consider also having a cat? So you have a cat at each house?

This. Cat at each house.

TheOccupier · 13/03/2024 05:59

No cat! They aren't toys and most don't make good support animals. At nearly 13, DD's court ordered contact can't last much longer, can it?

lala567 · 13/03/2024 08:03

@AvonleaHeart I've had 5 cats over the years and never had a contract. Although I bought them from people I know off not professional breeders.

Wellhellooooodear · 13/03/2024 08:06

It would work with a dog but not a cat. Cats hate change and moving and wouldn't like this at all.

Wellhellooooodear · 13/03/2024 08:10

Beamur · 12/03/2024 06:56

Guinea pigs aren't a bad idea actually.
You can have a big cage/run at each home and transport them in something smaller.
I had a colleague that regularly travelled at weekends to stay at a different town and took her piggies with her.
They're less nuanced pets than cats (shorter lifespan too) but enjoy human company and are endearing and entertaining. Pop over to the small pets thread.

Guinea pigs are lovely but definitely not low maintenance. My DD has 2 and guess who cleans them out? Not her! We also have 2 cats who are far lower maintenance.

Starship21 · 13/03/2024 08:34

Dog yes....cat definitely not. That's not fair on the animal

swapcicles · 13/03/2024 08:42

Guinea pig perhaps, if not travelling far, will need 2 large cages one at each house, two would be much better to keep each other company when alone.

AvonleaHeart · 13/03/2024 16:45

lala567 · 13/03/2024 08:03

@AvonleaHeart I've had 5 cats over the years and never had a contract. Although I bought them from people I know off not professional breeders.

Professional breeders typically require contracts now.
You have to state you will get them neutered by a certain age and not use them for breeding, and also some breeds are required to be indoors.

ItsallIeverwanted · 13/03/2024 16:59

I signed a 'contract' for my cat, I think the part about not legally breeding them would be enforceable, but I'm not sure about keeping them indoors, I can't imagine anyone would pursue that! I let my indoor cat out whilst supervised by me, so I do break it...

amylou8 · 13/03/2024 17:12

Cats are territorial, it would be very stressful for it being moved from place to place like that.
Also while many cats are lovely, a good proportion are total arse holes, especially with children who want to give them cuddles.
Kittens, even nice ones, are bitey, scratchy little whirlwinds, and the term emotional support animal would not spring to mind.

SpringSprungALeak · 13/03/2024 17:55

Guinea pigs would not need a large hutch at dads for EOW.

They are great pets & if you get a pair of babies & handle them a lot they very very rarely don't enjoy being made a fuss of.

Rats are incredible pets too, but need 'rebranding'. 🤣

However @PyongyangKipperbang with everything that's going on, I don't actually think a pet, of any kind, is a good idea.

I have read loads of your posts over the years, but I suffer from dreadful brain fog & can't remember if you have mentioned how DD's father caused her PTSD, or why she HAS to go EOW (does she want to?) at her age I'd go back to court & get this stopped & she only goes when she wants to. Therapy & whatever else you can do for her,

adding other living beings into your life right now seems like a bad idea

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