to try and make this work? (Cat between homes)

[PyongyangKipperbang]

DD (youngest of 6, 13 soon) desperately wants a cat.

I have been quite "yeah yeah" when the kids wanted pets as I got caught out 20 odd years ago with eldest who wanted a pet he would definitely take care of.....you know how that ended! And of course the kids who "needed" a pet soon moved on to the next thing and forgot about it. But DD has been badly traumatised and has severe anxiety. Her room is full of stuffed toys that she carries around with her and she is so attached to my sisters cats. I would consider it an emotional support animal.

I should say, for avoidance of doubt, I have always been very dismissive of such things before and a bit "oh bloody snowflakes" about it, but now I do see the value in such relationships.

So I have decided that yes, she can have a cat.

However.......she has to be with her father EOW (note HAS to be) and I worry that she would refuse to go if she cant take the cat with her. He would be ok with having the cat in the house, but I worry for the cat. It would need to be cared for in the same way as it would be at home, the travel EOW as I know some cats hate car travel, and would need to be 100% a house cat.

I am thinking that we could make this work. Ex is a prick but he would move the world for DD so whatever her and her cat need, he would make happen. And if we get a young rescue (or rescue kitten) and make it their normal it could be ok?

Or, another thought, should we maybe approach a place the specialises in supprt animals? It has to be a cat, DD wouldnt consider anything else.

Just tell her that she can have a cat, but it can't go to her dads and that is the condition of getting the cat.

I think this could work if you get a very specific type of cat and your daughter works hard on her bond with them. I have 2 Siamese/oriental cats and they are so attached to me they would happily go wherever I go. They also have to be indoor cats because of the risk of them being stolen/run over/carried home by a well meaning stranger because they are so friendly.

I've had rescue cats my entire life, but took the plunge and bought these 2 pure breed cats (I always scoffed at people who bought cats from breeders, so I KNOW it sounds insane!) But they are the most incredible cats I have ever owned and I now wouldn't own anything else. If it's emotional support your daughter needs, then I would absolutely recommend Siamese/orientals. However, they are not normal cats, they can't just be left with someone popping in once a day when you're on holiday, they are totally human centred and want to be wherever their humans are, they do need more expensive food due to their sensitivity stomachs and decent insurance is a must.

If you have indoor cats it's good to get a bonded pair. They will have each other for company, play and comfort. We did this and are so happy that we did.

One of our cats is a poor traveller and cries the whole time. He wouldn't cope well with being transported around.

I also would warn you that it's a total lottery whether the kittens you choose will choose your dd as their favourite person which could be difficult. If you choose an adult cat from a rescue centre it will be easier to tell if they gravitate towards your dd.

You possibly could with some luck, i know you can get cats that can travel ok, but I really don't think it's a good idea to rely on it. You would need a plan B.

Ive got 2 cats who are both fairly chilled out normally and very good with people. One cries the entire time he's in a travel crate, the other wees/poos all over himself within 10 min max. Nothing helps, they are both just terrified of being in the car, one to an extreme level. They only do necessary vet trips, it would be cruel to make them travel regularly.

My cat hated travelling in the car. I think he always thought he was going to the vets but he’d yowl the whole journey. He was also very independent and didn’t really like to be cuddled. In his old age he got more affectionate and would lay on our laps a lot but with cats it’s all up to them. They decide what they want from you!

The odds are that this won't work and you will have a distressed cat which may run away. It's a nice idea but please don't do it. Cat in each house is best. Or cat in your house solo.

If she's 13 and desperately wants a cat, isn't she old enough to understand the cat's needs and put those first? If I were in her situation I would 100% take having a cat for the majority of my time if it was that or no cat.

I’m pretty knowledgeable about cats and completely agree with this.

Can’t you just explain that you will look after the cat lovingly whilst she’s at dad’s. Surely she’ll think that’s still better than no cat at all.

No, that’s not fair to a cat. Surely it would be going outside at yours but then would have to stay inside at her dads? If you get the cat, DD will have to understand she can’t have it with her at her dad’s.

We used to take our cats from our city apartment to our house in the country every week, they were fine.

I had one of mine from a kitten and used to take her to my partner's flat every weekend. She wasn't bothered at all but was indoors at my house and his flat. It was a good 8 months before we bought our house together. She didn't like the car travel at first but now she's so unbothered by it that she falls asleep during the 10 minute drive to the vets.

I'd get a ragdoll cat they're very laid back a family member has an outdoor one who is so good with people.

Please don't do this, it will likely be so stressful for the cat.

I'm reading OP's post as saying her DD is nearly 13, and the youngest of 6, i.e. she has 5 older siblings............'though I don't know why the latter fact is relevant!

Ragdolls are probably the answer. They would happily travel from one home to another so long as it’s not too far and they have exactly the same food/litter etc at each home.

However, both households would have to be 100% on board with keeping the cat safe - no carelessness with open doors/windows etc.

Ragdolls absolutely do not go outside (unless they’re with you in an enclosed garden) and from experience they don’t actually want to go out unless you are outside. They want to be with people and wouldn’t like to be left alone for long days. They’re not as needy as a dog but they do crave human company so it would only work if both households are able to have someone around for at least part of every day.

If cats travel from very young they’re normally fine. But not always. I have a few friends with Siamese and Burmese cats who travel with them regularly to their holiday home and the cats are fine (and they go outside at both homes too).

Having said all of that, I think it might be least stressful for the cat to have one home. Your daughter would only be without it for a very short period of time. And as others have said, although ragdolls are ridiculously affectionate, they might gravitate more towards another member of the family.

A maltipoo might be a safer option if you really want a therapy pet - they’re like toy dogs and terribly sweet!

In relation to your post OP, I would say moving the cat twice a week would be unfair to it. Ours hates the car and vomits every time he has to be in one (we minimise this of course). Every cat is different, of course, but he's also stressed and anxious in places that aren't home.

In reply to the above about not getting a rescue! Please don't fuel the pet industry by paying for a likely mistreated animal (from a mistreated mother cat) that's also much more likely to develop health issues due to inbreeding!

To contrast this posters anecdote, our cat is a rescue and he's the cuddliest, friendliest most sociable being in the house! Cats have their own personalities, it's very likely not due to being a rescue or otherwise, that's just who he is!

I'm sorry about the rescue comment - I think you're right and it's probably just personality. You can't guarantee a cat's personality and I have met enough cats to know this! In our case I was a bit disappointed that we waited a long time for a suitable cat from the shelter, and the shelter thought she was a good match for a house with young children, when I think it turned out she wasn't the best fit and she would have been happier somewhere quieter. So all I would say just to be sure the cat is a good fit if you can.

When we later got a kitten, we would have got a rescue but a colleague's cat was unexpectedly having kittens and they were giving them away.

When my DS left home he took his cat with him. When he goes on his summer holiday each year he brings the cat back to me to look after for 2 weeks. The cat goes in the car and sits on his girlfriend's lap. He doesn't like going in a cat carrier. He's fine at my house. He seems to remember he used to live here and immediately goes up to DS old room to look around before coming back down. I put a litter tray for him in this bedroom. I've got 2 cats and they get on ok when DS cat comes.

Most breeders advise you not to, and include it in your contract.

Of course owners can make their own decisions, but general advise for the breed is indoors only or in a cat proofed garden 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would get an adult cat with a known quiet friendly temperament. Don't get a kitten as its temperament is completely unknown and it could turnout to be unsuitable as a support animal or as a housecat. Moving between homes could be ok for a specific individual but won't work for lots of cats.

You can't shape an animals personality by having it from a kitten, although you can train it to an extent, far better to get a cat that enjoys close contact and staying at home rather than try to train one, especially as cats are notoriously difficult to train

Just tell her that you can have a cat as a family pet, in other words for her to love but you'll share ownership. It will live in your house and - be clear about this in advance - it will not be ferried backwards and forwards between two houses.

If you want to be more forceful you could show her some reports of cats that run away after being moved. You could take her to a cat rescue and ask staff to explain maybe. But your her mum and the adult, at some point she has to respect what you say.

Cats ARE portable.

SOME cats might be portable if they're of the right disposition.
It's a big ask in the circumstances.
I have come across cats that are chilled and confident enough to live like this - but they're few and far between. DH had a cat when he was growing up that his parents took camping with them.

I have 4 cats currently and none of them would deal with this at all. They're all very home orientated and two of them (orientals) are dreadful travellers. They literally wail the whole time the car is moving.

it's no the fact it would be an indoor cat. its the carting it between homes. it isn't very fair for the cat and every cat I have met would hate it.

My concern is when you say “try to make this work”. A pet is a commitment, a cat can live for 15 years. If you can’t make it work, or stop trying what happens to the cat?