To have really long hair in my 40s?

[MonicaBingaling]

Recently turned 40 and have long blonde hair (past my boobs) and don’t feel comfortable with it now at my age. Although it’s healthy hair and people often say I look younger than my age I feel almost uncomfortable with it on me now whereas loved it in my 20s and 30s

have booked to get it cut next week 🤣

I don’t like the look some women have (long hair fillers Botox dressing as if in 20s) like desperately clinging to youth. I think it’s far more classy to have short/medium length hair, less make up etc

just wondered what others opinions are?

btw no offence to anyone who’s older with long hair it’s just how I feel about it on myself

yabu - long hair on older women is fine

yanbu- shorter is better

Isn't it 40 where you have to start wearing winceyette night dresses, pulling a shopping trolley and wearing one of those waterproof hoods that tie under the neck that old ladies always wore in the rain (incidentally you don't really see them anymore!)

Yes. Absolutely. Also- tan tights. Very, very important if you want to stay "classy".

Im 55 and have rib length auburn hair that always gets compliments wherever i go. Who says i should get my hair cut...my hair my choice

I have long hair and I'm 57. My hair looks great.

I'm sorry that you see getting older as such a restrictive thing and feel the need to impose these rules on yourself and other women based on age. If your hair and make up don't make you feel good then of course you should change them. But the real change you need to make is your attitude to age, because a shorter hairstyle and less make up might make you feel you're aging 'correctly' unlike these other women you've seen, but you're still aging nontheless and its up to you whether you want to make a prison out of it. You're just over a third of the way through your adult life if you're lucky, and that's a long time left to think of yourself as being too old for things.

My mother - who is good bit older than you - has long hair. It´s mostly silvery-grey nowadays but there are still some brown streaks.

She usually has it in a French twist, some other sort of chignon or a half up / hald down do.

I would be extremely surprised if you or most other people wouldn´t consider her "classy"

So yes, you do sound quite biased and ageist imo. Which is rather unreasonable.

But you are not unreasonable to want to feel comfortable and happy with your appearance. You should absolutely make the changes you want! Short hair, long hair, a buzzcut. All good! :)

Oh gosh, I forgot about those hoods!

I remember my grandmother - completely nonchalant as if it was the most normal thing in the world - taking a produce bag out of her purse and putting it over her head!

(She also had hoods, no clue why she carried a plastic bag for that purpose. I honestly wish I remembered!😅)

I’m 62, have mine in a mid neck length bob. It’s the way I like it and it suits me. It’s thick and in great condition and frames my face nicely. Haven’t had it really long since I was a teen.

Excellent post and sums it up so well. It makes me really sad to think people are imposing such rigid standards on themselves. It's fine to want to make a choice to change your appearance- nothing at all wrong with that. But to feel you must do so out of some weird obligation to follow the "rules" of being over 40?- really quite depressing. Also, noone ever explains who actually makes these rules, where are they written down and who decided them?

Demi Moore springs to mind.. also Courtney Cox.

Thing is, in the pretty recent past, there were very strong norms around what women wore at certain ages, what was considered 'decent' and 'appropriate'. The disgusting likes of Andrew Tate are still shaming women over a certain age or mothers for 'showing their bodies'. So, this thinking lingers, even if we wish it didn't.

Maybe, rather changing your clothes or hairstyle, what you might think of changing are your self-imposed age related restrictions.

My DP is in her early 50s and has long hair, naturally blonde but dyed red atm. She looks lovely and I wouldn’t have her any other way than how she feels happy and comfortable.

There is a huge difference between thinking

I really fancy a change and love short hair. I think I will give it a try.
to
im 40 now so I need to cut my hair off.

from I’m sick of skinny jeans and really like mom jeans so will buy a pair.
to

im 40 now, so am no longer allowed to wear skinny jeans and need to change how I dress.

from I think I look better with minimal make up and don’t fancy Botox or fillers.
to

I think women with long hair Botox and heavy make up are desperately clinging onto their youth and don’t look classy.

the first is about yourself and how you wish to present. The second is a judgey ageist mysogynistic view on older women.

Personally for me, I’m all grown up. I will dress and present as I wish, certainly not pander to some ancient mysosgynistic made up rule. And if women like the op ger sniffy and think I’m desperate as I have long hair and skinny jeans, she can jog on, avert her gaze, seeth in silence, as she sits there with short hair, loose jeans, and make up free thinking this is how to do your forties.

Your hair is gorgeous!😍

Also, noone ever explains who actually makes these rules, where are they written down and who decided them?

I've asked this before and all I got was a vague "they say you should do xyz after age 40" blah blah blah. Who is "they" and why do "they" get to tell me what I should wear or what to do with my face? If you live your life trying to make "them" (some mysterious, unknown group 😆) happy then I pity you because their voices are not only contradictory and stupid, it means you will never get to make any of your own choices in life.

Personally for me, I’m all grown up. I will dress and present as I wish, certainly not pander to some ancient mysosgynistic made up rule. And if women like the op ger sniffy and think I’m desperate as I have long hair and skinny jeans, she can jog on, avert her gaze, seeth in silence, as she sits there with short hair, loose jeans, and make up free thinking this is how to do your forties

LOVE this- you sound brilliant btw 😘

Needs a brush, I normally wear it up but this is me at 52.
I have elven aspirations 😂

I think EVERYONE should have long hair (except balding men I guess - that never works)

You should probably get a blue rinse as well.

With respect, you’re talking bollocks.

wow. Your hair is gorgeous. If that was mine I’d never cut it!

its got no relevance to age and I've never understand that lots of women start cutting their hair short after 40. Your feelings probably have more to do with you thinking you haven't updated your look for a long time

You’d hate me then, I’m 40 and got bum length jet black hair and I love it

YABU

Hitting 60 soon and have long ginger hair and love it and don’t give a toss

If you want to cut your hair, cut it. Who cares?

But to do it because you're 40 and you think women after 40 should just shear off their long locks and succumb to drudgery is utterly ridiculous. I am not saying short/mid-length hair=drudgery but the attitude that women at 40 should just cut off their hair, forego all their "fun" makeup, and nice clothes is 1) misogynistic 2) ageist and 3) outdated.

OP-did you miss the memo that we're not playing that game anymore? I'm 36 and when I turn 40, there's no way I'll be succumbing to this "over the hill" attitude. Nope. I'll continue to wear what I want, style my hair how I want, and put my make-up on how I want.

There's no rules. And if a woman wants to have Botox and long hair-go for it. If you want to cut your hair off and not have Botox-go for it. Do you-but don't bring others down whilst trying to pull yourself up. It's not a good look.

I imagine you are being pressured by society and expectations that long hair is for young women and anyone who has long hair is desperately hanging onto their youth, same goes for mini skirts, etc
I have bum length hair if I don't cut it so I feel it too. I don't feel pretty enough to keep my hair long at the moment so it's currently at mid back length instead