Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

YANBU

What sort of prick walks into a cafe with his wife on mothers day, sits down to look at the menu and then HE tells HER, he'll have sausage and chips.

And still won't get up and order when it's pointed out how inappropriate that is.

What a bizarre post. There seems to be a few posters at the moment who think mentioning the situation in Gaza out of context is some kind of ‘gotcha’ virtue signalling triumph.

Following that logic does the fact girls in Afghanistan can’t get an education mean you can never criticise education in the Uk? Does civil war in Sudan mean someone in the UK suffering depression should just be glad they’re not in Sudan?

I don't do fuss for mother's Day, at all. One of my children hasn't mentioned it, the other had because he's with his girlfriend. I have spent day at work and at the cinema on my own.

And even I don't think you are unreasonable!! It's a tiny amount to ask on a day that's supposed to be about you.

The competitive low expectations/martyrdom in parts of this thread are so depressing. Aren't mums allowed even one day when they get to feel special and do the things they want to do?

You know it’s Mothers day right?

You did the right thing.

Don't apologise.

Your H was behaving like a petulant toddler.

"Charity begins at home"

Plus what can we do about this and all the other horrors currently going on around the world, as they have been for time immemorial?

Oh yes, wear sack cloth and ashes and cry all day.

You accept being treated like shit and that's on you.
Some people want to be treated decently by people who love them

That's what my birthday is for.

I'm not into Hallmark holidays and days that are highly commercialised.

That's a ridiculous attitude to have. Teenagers are old enough to have consideration for their loving mother and a uni student can send a card in the post. Encouraging and curating an overly selfish attitude in children is actually unhealthy for them.

What a nasty thing to say.

I think you're right. My DP has form for this shit. He doesn't like going out to eat. He would much prefer lounging at home while I cook a roast. Well I don't actually like cooking and I love eating out. So sometimes I treat the family to a nice roast dinner out. He used to make it very clear he didn't want to be there, sometimes openly insulting me, but usually sitting there with a face like a slapped arse moaning about everything. I got up and walked out a couple of times, no complaints or moaning since.

A family is about compromise. If these men can't sit through a fucking meal for you, then they're not worth anything. It's not torture, it's not unpleasant, it perhaps isn't what they would ideally choose to do. DP now has realised that I will make a scene and demand to be respected, and things have been much better for everyone ever since.

Wow that is low!!

Not feeling appreciated by your family is completely different to losing a handbag!

And that poster has the nerve to act like it’s the OP who should feel ashamed of themselves.

Well done for finding that.
I can’t believe that poster had the nerve to call OP out after starting a thread about something so trivial herself.

I spent the weekend with my husband and my young adult kids at one of their university towns. I couldn’t ask their opinion on anything at all re what to do without them saying, ‘no you have to choose, it’s your weekend!’ I am not a diva. But we all love and value each other and make a fuss of each other for special events. We are pretty good to each other all year round but also like a chance for a mini celebration too. I feel lucky and wouldn’t want it any other way.

That's what my birthday is for.
I'm not into Hallmark holidays and days that are highly commercialised.

Newsflash: different things matter to different people.

YANBU OP, most mothers people, know how hard mums work to keep everything ticking for everyone. There husbands included. It’s not to take 1 day out of the year so show that some appreciation. Sometimes you need to throw a fucking wobbly just for them to realise! You shouldn’t have to though… I’m glad they’re making amends now.

I really find this attitude totally inexplicable. Dedicating a few hours to your Mum who nurtures you on a daily basis is the utter bare minimum. It's NOT a massive sacrifice. To suggest teenagers should be totally selfish 365 days a year is so far removed from any behaviour I've ever encountered in my life.

As someone else said, you are being very petulant, like a petulant child

Are you 13?

I completely agree and even if it wasn’t Mother’s Day I still think his attitude is absolutely awful!

Why is it OPs job to be the one to order.

Sounds like him taking her for granted and seeing her as the help/his mum is something that happens on a regular basis.

You do realise at this very moment thousands of parents children have been killed under rubble in Gaza ? And thousands of children have lost their parents ? Not to mention the starvation / disease / discomfort / trauma ect. Are we living on the same planet ? Thank god for how fortunate you are to have these worries.

FFS @Chaneltheft is there nothing that you and others won’t do to justify the poor behaviour of men and a woman’s justifiable reaction to it? The OP’s DH’s shit behaviour should be swept under the carpet because… Gaza?

Plus if you applied this to the whole of Mumsnet it would be a seriously quiet place? Do you genuinely believe no one can complain about anything until there is no war, famine or illness in the world? Or were you trying to make a cheap point which has now rather backfired?

YANBU

You and DD should have a spa day or similar together soon to celebrate. DH can pay!

I haven't said otherwise.

I only spoke about my birthday. I wasn't telling others how they should feel. I am in full support of the op, you can check my previous message for evidence if you like.

@Beefcurtains79 yes. There is a difference between spending two hours with your mother as a teenager and spending eight hours. Even on Mother’s Day. My kids are not teenagers and I’m soaking in the time when they want to be with me all day long but there will come a time when they don’t and I accept that.

but why not do that anyway? dont connect it to mothers day??