Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

Patronising much?

But you’re also far removed from all the atrocities you didn’t mention.

It's not the OP's fault though is it.
Everyone is entitled to express their upset/ frustration after a tough day.

I am gutted that my eldest son's Adult Care Home (he is a grown man with the mind of a baby) didn't get a card for me on his behalf. It wasn't the fact I didn't get a card (my children at home spoilt me rotten), but just that it led to me thinking "If my son had been aware it was Mother's Day........".
I allowed myself a good cry to get it out of my system and carried on with the day.

What I am saying is no-one should feel guilty for having a bad day.
Sadly there will always be tragic things happening in the world, but we just have no control of any of it.
I completely understand why the OP felt hurt, and she is entitled to have a moan about it. It doesn't mean she is ungrateful or that she doesn't appreciate what she has.

Also a fair point ! There are many of course.

Oh it's rubbish. To make you not feel alone I had a nice piece of cake on my own, very enjoyable as my teenagers refused to come anywhere. However on the table next to me was a Mum surrounded by 4 children under the aged if about 8. All calling her Mum, 5 other adults on the same table including the dad were having a lovely chat while mum was having to deal with the endless 'Muummm, he's touching my chair/I don't like lettuce/this fork is green I hate it..." She looked absolutely ragged and was for some inexplicable reason was also looking after the fluffy annoying dog.
Her twathead husband ate his 3 courses slowly had a beer while she almost got to finish her sandwich though not one mouthful wasn't ruined by 11 squillion interruptions. At the end he asked her if she had enjoyed her mother's day treat. I almost told him to fuck himself on her behalf.

I think you need to accept your children are grown up now and it’s not fair on them to expect them to come to a garden centre on their Sunday. If they’re living at home they can sit with you for breakfast and give you flowers and a card but that’s it. Garden centre should be with you and your husband. Time to give your children some space

ffs there's always one

I know advanced searching is not really de-rig on MN but this pissed me off so much
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/ami_being_unreasonable/4915631-devastated-insurance-advice-please?reply=129788563
Did you not realise when you were devastated about your designer bag being stolen thousands of people in Ukraine had their homes destroyed and families killed? Not to mention the starvation / disease / discomfort / trauma ect.

Did you thank god for how lucky you were that the only thing you had to worry about was your designer bag being stolen?

A bag that most people in this country could never afford to buy, let alone worldwide. And that was probably made in a sweatshop.

I've had a shit day too, 2 kids 11 and 4, 11 yr old was in his room until dinnertime, partner went to work early morning without even telling me and didn't get home until 12.. got no card, no presents, no "Happy Mother's Day" from partner as he's currently giving me the silent treatment over the fact my eldest child didn't get seen by the dentist on Wednesday like he was supposed to.. so my 4yr old has been my saving grace all day.. took the kids to my mum's for dinner once eldest was out of bed and dressed at 1pm and he sulked the whole time... Not had a decent Mother's Day in about 5 years. You didn't overreact, you feel underappreciated and I get it.

Coming from someone posting their upset about their Chanel bag being stolen on another thread a few months ago, the irony here is priceless 😂😂😂hahahahaha!

Next year OP try delaying your treat a week. We never go out on Mother's Day after a really bad experience in a very crowded restaurant about 15 years ago. Now we go out the following Sunday, have a lovely peaceful lunch in a place I choose and it's just generally much nicer.

I find your post in rather poor taste. It’s terrible to use the hardship of others as a way of scolding another woman.

And here endeth the Mothering Sunday lesson.

God Bless You my Child.

@swayingpalmtree priceless 😂😂😂

This post is ridiculous.

These kinds of comments are so irritating. I hope you have never complained about anything in your life and never will, given the fact that wars, massacres and trauma have been going on around the world your entire life.

Yes. I agree.

My dd is taking me out for tea in April, once Easter is over.

These kinds of comments are so irritating. I hope you have never complained about anything in your life and never will, given the fact that wars, massacres and trauma have been going on around the world your entire life

Oh she has- her Chanel bag was stolen a few months ago and she was very upset.

Apparently, the trauma of the Ukraine war meant nothing to her then. Funny that.

They sound very selfish. I bet they’re keen on their birthdays and Christmas though.

Oh no @Chaneltheft was devastated about her car being broken into whilst Ukrainians were being bombed by Russians

The very definition of hypocritical

Agreed!

She started a thread in Oct 23 about how she was ‘devastated’ about the loss of her Chanel handbag. ‘Devastated’ at having a material item stolen. People were being killed in the Congo at the time. Being imprisoned in China for their religious beliefs. Etc etc. How could she whine about a lost handbag??

ETA I cross-poster. That kind of sanctimonious comment had us all advance searching!

We've never been big on Mother's day but a little appreciation is nice. I had no expectations.

DH and I had a row this morning about house work and he disappeared shopping for 3 hours.

20 something DC told me they had got me a card a few days ago so I took that to mean no present - but I know they are short of money at the moment, so that was OK.

Teen was at work all day though called to say they had been let go earlier than expected so was going to friend's house but "felt bad" as it was MD. I replied 'feel bad then'. Eventually came home with home made card and chocolates I usually buy for them but don't especially like myself.

Felt a bit upset that they hardly went to any trouble nor offered to do anything for me at all.

Decided to be the considerate family I'd like to have and baked myself a cake of my favourite flavour (rare event for me to bake at all).

(I'll let the rest of the family have a piece of it later as long as they are prepared to keep me company while they do so.....)

I think you did the right thing, when my two dcs were small my DM (who was a great nurturer and always put others first) pulled me aside one mothers day when l had said it didn't matter that no cards were made, or bought by DH ...
She said it is very important that your children learn to make an effort for you, do what you would like and ensure for one day you are made to feel loved and appreciated. Tell them....
It made me think...she was so right.
Sometimes the more we give the more our Dhs and dcs will take, today my 16yr old Ds and 17 yr old DD gave me lovely cards, a thoughtful gift and we went for lunch at a place of my choosing, phones stayed in pockets, they were great company, (it means so so much as l have had a very very difficult time recently.)
There is a lot to be said for sitting them down and letting them know that you deserve the same effort you put into their Birthdays/Graduations/special achievements etc as you do for them.... it makes kinder and less selfish young people.
Most mums deserve a medal imo!

This thread has made me sad at the number of women whose partners and kids have been shitty and thoughtless today.

It's also made me appalled at the number of women who think that OP was unreasonable to ask her family, just for a few hours, to go somewhere that she chose, and to undertake the truly onerous task of queuing up. My mind is absolutely boggled at how little these posters expect of those who are supposed to love them.

@BigBreaths in so glad that your lot reflected and have come through in the end.

Your dh should have stayed home too if he was going to be a miserable git. Don’t blame you leaving at all we put a fake smile on to please everyone all the time you shouldn’t have to do it in Mother’s Day. Good for you for calling him out on being selfish.

Sounds like you’re married to a petulant child, not suprised you’d had enough.

Next year do a girls treat just you and DD.