Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

Goodness. My husband and I treat each other decently. If one of us really wanted a certain meal, we would queue and order for the family even if we didn’t love the cafe. It’s what you do for someone you love. Even if it’s busy. On any day, never mind Mother’s Day or a birthday etc. It is easy to be decent to your partner.

OP he made zero effort and made it about him. It’s not good enough.

Awww I am sorry you have such low standards for yourself.

Mother’s Day might be a greetings card company marketing tool, but Mothering Sunday is ecclesiastical and is always three weeks before Easter. I agree that mums/dads should be appreciated every day

That’s a good update @BigBreaths im glad they’re trying to make it up to you

Because your family was even worse than the OP’s, the OP is being precious? The good old MN race to the very bottom!

They're just one step removed from IKEA because there's not as many screeching children around.

You are not being unreasonable. No wonder women learn to accept shit relationships when they are led to believe that wanting to feel special on ONE day of the year means they expect too much.

Most mums are happy to do everything that needs to be done and more for their family but it is rude of husbands and children to not show appreciation. There is a fine line between being able to rely on someone and taking them for granted.

Your husband is a pathetic man and you absolutely should not bother doing anything for him on Father's Day.

It is interesting that it is actually Mothering Sunday yet those no equivalent for Fathers..

I am sure it became Mother's day because Father's Day had to be added in..

@BigBreaths
Yanbu. They all could made some better efforts. Still Father’s Day is after Mother’s Day. Don’t bother yourself for him.

Fuck me, the bar is low. The comments are such depressing reading.

Good. And o hope you remind them of their attitude when it comes to their birthdays and fathers day. If they are happy to be like that to you, they can accept the same back

Sounds like all the blokes in your family are a bit shit.

I reckon I'd take myself off to the cinema (alone) for the evening, order a massive drink and popcorn and relax. Then later, have a serious think about whether you do too much for your family and should start prioritising yourself a bit more. Sounds like they take you a bit for granted.

I can't help but wonder about the standards of the people who have reacted negatively to this post.

A few hours local trip to the garden centre and a bite to eat isn't exactly asking too much or being princessy.

Even the most hormonal of teenagers should have the basic manners/ respect to get through that.

Perfectly put.

You do realise at this very moment thousands of parents children have been killed under rubble in Gaza ? And thousands of children have lost their parents ? Not to mention the starvation / disease / discomfort / trauma ect. Are we living on the same planet ? Thank god for how fortunate you are to have these worries.

I know you said you weren't loitering around waiting for a table to be free but your DH seemed to think you were. Is there any chance that's what it may have looked like you were doing, putting pressure on people to hurry up and finish. If I saw someone standing around clearly waiting for me to leave when I hadn't yet finished I would sure as hell take my time!

And yet here you are choosing to use your time berating women for being "fortunate" on a social media site rather than doing something more productive to help those in Gaza

Are you not ashamed of yourself for posting on such a trivial thread?

I’m not bereating ! Or meaning to. I just find it genuinely baffling how far removed people can feel from what is going on.

Luckily for me, I can hold two thoughts in my head at once. I can both feel terrible for what is happening outside of my control in not only Gaza but Ukraine and Nigeria to name just a couple more, AND think that my family should not take me for granted.

MissyB1 · Today 18:23

Quornflakegirl · Today 18:09

I think you’re being precious and high maintenance. I got no card, booked restaurant and paid for lunch myself and my dc argued with each other pretty much through lunch. This is life, I know they love and appreciate me.

MissyB1 · Today 18:23
Christ some people set the bar low….

Quorflakegirl -

You got no card why? Could it be you do so much that you could never ever be appreciated? Booked lunch, let your kids argue? wow the fact you have no expectation from any of your family shows that you have let them be horrible little brats with no feeling for anybody but themselves - They do not love and appreciate you, they take you for granted as in every other day of the year!! If you are on your own that's shit, but if you have a partner where were they?

I've done exactly this today lol. Although it is more like a massive shopping centre than a garden centre.

Sorry, Garden Centres make him feel uncomfortable? He's so odd.

I don’t think you should expect teenagers to tag along to a bloody garden centre cafe. Just because it’s your day doesn’t mean you choose somewhere others would hate! Ditto your husband.

I also wouldn’t expect a card from a uni student - they’re off living their lives and having fun!

And do you still eat? Or do you feel that eating is so far removed from what's going on in countries suffering famine?

That is a fair point. It is rubbish to feel taken for granted. But a personal level I just can’t feel upset for myself about anything trivial at the moment.