Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

Not a very nice comment. You obviously set the bar fairly low if you think this is reasonable behaviour.

😂

Because I am a very important mother in his life. My role as mother to his kids is vital to his job, his family and his happiness.

He didn't have to make a fuss of me. I just wanted not to be the sorter outer and helper and "steps in and does all the vaguely difficult stuff that no one particularly enjoys doing" person, for 24 hours. All I wanted is for him not to assume I would order for all of us because it's tiresome going and queueing at the counter. I mean no one enjoys that. But when I asked him to, he reacted like I had asked him to sacrifice our first born.

I do more caring than most who have kids my age as one child is severely autistic (and another on the waiting list) and another diabetic. I just wanted not to be looking after everyone and stepping up, just for one day. Tbh I surprised myself with my reaction. I guess it mattered more to me than I realized.

DH has now made amends, as have the kids. I am content.

I do understand it, OP. Sometimes we just reach the point where enough is enough ... and then we blow!
For all we know, there could be a history of selfish behaviour leading up to this one day (them, not you!).

Just don't expect anything next year and don't rely on then to have a good day. Do something just you alone. Also yanbu but i do believe that many mums go through this every year. Many parents are just taken for granted end of. My niece and nephews forgot their dad's birthday one year and just rang him to ask for money to go to the cinema and get a lift too! People just seem to care less these days about genuine celebration appreciation and more about gender reveal videos and tiktok challenges etc.

I was actually going to ask if your DH was autistic as this is the kind of thing my autistic DH would do. He doesn't like something so the thought doesn't enter his head to do something on my behalf. Because he doesn't like it so thats' where it starts and ends.

Great update @BigBreaths . Glad to hear amends were made and you are feeling better. Happy Mother's Day.

Maybe. We have two autistic kids and an Adhder so possible. But he is a very sociable autistic if he is, and I don't notice any significant problems - several long lasting friendships, does well at work. Happy in a noisy bar. Loves meeting new people.

I wonder if I am. I am highly analytical but more introverted (but don't get a strop on having to do mildly unpleasant jobs like phone the dentist or doctor or a pizza like he does).

Also have 4 kids but not teens. Youngest made a card at school the other 3 couldn't be bothered. My second youngest aged 6 just came down from bed and hugged me and said I hope you had a lovely mother's day.... I didn't. But that made up for it. Its just a day that's been commercialised

Sorry to hear your Mother’s Day was shit OP. If it makes you feel any better mine has also been shit.
Nobody made anything nice for me, not even lunch at home. It’s the same shit show as every day.
Sending hugs 💐
Ps: I do realise there is a lot of shit in my comment. I chose to leave it like that.

A prime example of why these days should be banned.
There is so much pressure out there.

Everyone has a birthday that's special and that should be enough.

Don't be ridiculous. We don't need to cancel a day because some idiots can't be decent.

Fuck me the bar is low.

Being pleasant for a short period during something someone you love considers a treat is making a fuss or too ‘pressured’ come on.

Some people have shit birthdays too.

I'm mean they should ban the tooth fairy, santa and the easter bunny whilst they are at it, reduce the pressure all round

Agreed.

But he made her a cake and bought her flowers and the kids gave her cards!

That is hardly nothing.

Couldn’t agree more. It’s hating the ingrained misogyny in men. - and in some women.

Likewise the sulky behaviour when being asked to spend an hour or two doing something their partner wants to do, for once.

You were asking such a small thing on Mother’s Day - to stand in a queue for you - I think you are perfectly reasonable to be a little bit miffed. Its such a small gesture he could have done for you and I really think its the small things that count (much more than fancy presents). Sorry it wasn’t the best day ☹️

Wow, really?

Thats what you get from op’s post?

It’s not a race to the bottom you know?
op -your dh sounds like an arse and your ds’s selfish brats.

6 hours? wtf are you on?
washing up dishes and 'getting ready' for the day would take maybe half an hour to an hour, and would be something that would have to be done anyway so hardly counts as part of mother's day celebrations. Or are you suggesting that if it wasn't mother's day nobody would bother doing any dishes or getting dressed?
you're talking 2-3 hours maximum for a free lunch out. hardly onerous even for the most selfish teenager.

A small thing and a kind thing at any time, let alone Mothers day .Yanbu.

It's Mother's Day, not Wife's Day. Your kids should be treating you, not your husband.

Exactly this. Well done OP.
All I wanted was breakfast in bed and to watch what I wanted on the TV this evening. Didn't get either.