Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

The garden centre was busy, they could not get a table so obviously people do hang out there. People like different things, there would be places you would visit that the OP would not enjoy.

I think you were perfectly reasonable. I hate the bullshit that as women we should put up and shut up with the shit behaviour of others.

And your husband’s behaviour was shit.

the age your kids are mothers and fathers day are solely up to them

DH did make an effort but
. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order,

would if finished me

you were pissed of at the kids and dh was in the firing line

lol some people on here are so outraged at OP wanting her family to do someone of her choosing for ONE DAY!!

and acting like a trip out to a garden centre lunch is equivalent to a tooth extraction or something

sooooo much internalised misogyny

YANBU and can't see how anyone can say otherwise?! Your family appear to have a very 'can't be bothered attitude' clearly the kids are copying their dads selfish and lazy behaviour.

And everyone saying mothers day has too high expectations....expectations SHOULD be high....us mums do so much for our families and are worth our weight in gold.It should be the one day where mums (the good ones anyway!) are treated with thought and care, and appreciated wholeheartedly for all they do.
Anything less is unacceptable.

1 - where does it say they wished her happy mother's day?
2 - they didn't give her gifts, the DH sorted gifts on their behalf!
If you're going to respond to a post, at least respond to what actually happened and not to a different scenario you've made up in your own head!

The point is the day is about what mum would like to do..

Obviously she enjoys it, her kids might not. I just found it a strange day out for mother's day. Each to their own.

I see Mother’s Day as a day for children to thank their mothers. I think folks are just going too far now extending it to husbands,

this site is full of people complaining their expectations weren’t met. It’s utterly miserable sounding. It’s the same at Xmas and birthdays.

sprt it out the rest of the year if you’ve issues.

I’ve agreed with all your posts today. I hate the influx of posters laying into OPs for not putting up with shit selfish behaviour from others. Why should we? What is wrong with wanting appreciation on this ancient day? Why should we lower our expectations into the gutters?

can only assume the recently arrived “you’re a big meanie bully to poor DH & DC, why should you be put first on Mother’s Day’posters haven’t bothered to read OP updates

yes so agree! Why shouldn't we be celebrated! She didn't even want that, just someone to queue for lunch for a few minutes! geez! she isn't asking the world.

That's great your family have realised how they've made you feel and are making the effort to make up for it, op. Hope you enjoyed your meal!

Expectations are the source of a lot of destruction. By maintaining my equilibrium whilst feeling some disappointment that both ds and a current client completely forgot what day it was; both are now suitably guilt-tripped into eating out of the palm of my hand for at least a week.

I feel some sympathy. I’ve had a crap Mother’s Day too. Not at all my daughter’s fault. She’s been lovely as always. Stupidly went to my parents for lunch against my better judgement. I knew my sister would be there and said to my mother that I didn’t want any drama and she said “Yes yes, just come, have lunch and leave” - she knew we had plans that evening. What happens? My sister the narcissistic won’t stop going on about herself as per normal and then starts to snap at me when I tried to get a word in and talk about what had been happening with us. She’s middle aged but acts more immaturely than my teenager. So we left. I am not having it this year. I am not being made to feel in the wrong due to her selfish behaviour and my parents’ lack of backbone.

Sometimes enough is enough. Families are draining.

Stop being a martyr. No one made you do cook this meal, and you could have told the guests to get taxis.

if someone is late start without them, and serve equal portions so there’s some left for you.

You have three teenage sons but your husband organised cards and gifts from them? I don’t get that. Why didn’t he make them organise themselves? You aren’t his mother. Teenagers are old enough to take responsibility.

Your husband sounds a bit petulant but then so do you. Garden centres are always busy at weekends. Better to have booked an actual restaurant or gone another time.

And your neighbour going out isn’t ironic. That’s not irony.

Yep. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Is your relationship with DH usually OK Or is he always like it?

Your DH was pathetic! Good for you.

Well said. Today isn’t about husbands doing something for wives. All they need to do is remind or help children.

If your family is usually thoughtless, they aren’t going to be magically great on Mother’s Day. Set boundaries and stop being doormats year round.

He’s your husband not your son. It’s Mother’s Day, you’re not his mother. I don’t get why he has to make a fuss of you.

It's ONE day. Get a grip.

Then why are you on AIBU, which is pretty much dedicated to trivial disputes? It’s quite literally what it’s for.

Sounds like he was a bit mean and realised and has made amends. Hopefully, a good day in the end.

Cant believe anyone dislikes a garden centre, I love it!