Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

Yeah I think there are some folk who resent any disruption to the race to the bottom.

why would your husband get you a card, im confused, you arent his mother?

I think this was thread has been flagged by fathers for justice or some other MRA site. There’s no way some of these responses can be real.

There are very few people who'd willingly hang out at a garden centre tbh. It was kind of a strange suggestion for a day out.

Unfair, our Mothering Sunday lesson wasn't at all so there and patronising. Had he brought up this particular trendy topic he may have been asked what started it, a festival atrocity, and the blame would have been in the right place!

Except the DH didn't say he didn't want to go. In fact he wanted to get his seed potatoes. If he wanted to go somewhere else for lunch why didn't he just say so before?

But she most likely did the hard yards in raising his children. What’s so bad about thanking her for that?

Tantrum? For the love of fuck.

Seriously? This is crazy, now husbands have to buy uou Mother’s Day cards too??

Who are you talking too. The op called it a tantrum. Is it her or me?

@Busybee44

I think I usually do? To
my husband on Father’s Day? TBH I’m just pissed off. I’m not bothering this Father’s Day. I spent yesterday arranging a day out for grumpy DC, cleaned the house - asked DH to clean the bathroom when he’d finished which resulted in a big argument. No sodding support with anything. He can F off.

It is Mothers Day! Not wives day. I cannot believe the grief OP's husband is getting on here because Op's adult and near adult kids don't give a stuff.

Next year book a nice afternoon tea with your dd and leave grumpy dh at home

Yep his ‘support’ in raising the children is generally to try and criticise and contradict everything I try and do.

My kids are now at university and have never had an issue spending a special day with me! We quite like each other!

The op mentioned 'mini tantrum' in one of her updates. There has been mention by a couple of posters (including yourself) of 'your tantrum' which is ridiculous. She got up and left a shitty situation which I 100% agree with. If anyone was being a brat it was her husband, moaning about where they were and childishly refusing to go up and order for the table.

I agree. Fuck ‘em. Just have a nice time with the people you feel genuinely care and are pleasant to be around.

I couldn't agree more, I remember being at uni and having to get up and walk to a postbox to send a card one time. It completely ruined my whole day, nay, my year. All my mates were larking about having fun, unencumbered by cares and responsibilities but how could I join in with such a weight on my young shoulders? How could I cast it off and "live my life" under such hardship and expectations?

No it’s not.

And the prize for most ridiculous response goes to

Good, DH needed to feel (briefly) like shit. He made me feel like shit. The ONLY thing I asked for for mothering Sunday was a quick trip to the garden centre and a meal while we were there, to make it a bit more of a treat. DH couldn't even pretend to enjoy it for the hour it would have taken to eat and leave. His mardy behaviour ruined it for my daughter and me; I just decided to not prolong what was obviously going to be agony for us all. Why sit choking on food DH obviously resents being there for? No thanks.

I didn't bully anyone. Hence my 2 boys deciding not to come.DD actually DID want to come. DH could easily have said 'no thanks, you and DD go and have fun '. He wanted to come for his seed potatoes, but didn't want to go the extra mile for the meal.

Luckily for me, whilst DH behaved briefly like a bit of a twat, he actually isn't a twat and he understood why I was upset when we talked after. He and DS and DD then decided that it would be nice to make dinner to make up for his earlier twattery. We all sat and had a nice meal and the whole situation is put to bed.

How incredibly patronising.

Have a cuppa, a hard look at yourself then a lie down.

@Coldsore

“an appropriate amount of recognition”?!

they couldn’t even be bothered to sort her a card and gift, her husband did it!

Good for you not petulant. Assertive

Again, is it so very hard for people to grasp that it’s not unreasonable to expect your DH/ DP to show some appreciation for the person he supposedly loves, who has given birth to his children, and probably did most of the work of raising them! Such as spending the day doing what she wants to do, encouraging/ reminding older children to get a card, helping younger children to buy or make a card, maybe buying flowers. Not stropping because he’s expected to put someone else first for once.