Parents helping wash up after being cooked a meal

[Advicediddlyice]

Had parents over for a cooked meal, as we often do. As usual, even though we cook there is absolutely no offer to help clear up after. Not even a small showing of helping to carry things in from the table. Is this normal? AIBU to think this is rude?

For context we don’t eat at my parents because they have a small home and horde so there is no space for us. They eat one a week or fortnight at ours and NEVER ever help. I’m fact they never help with anything (eg even things like if they eat crisps, they’ll leave the packet in the living room- sometimes even it’s just on the floor). Isn’t this so rude.

Today after dinner I said “who will help me clear the table”. My husband got up to help me and I loudly told him he shouldn’t because he had spent 3+hours cooking a roast for us. I made the kids help but no move at all from my dad.

WIBU to just assign jobs next time- “dad grab the plates into the dishwasher while I wipe the table”.

Not the point, but how did you spend 3hrs doing a roast?

Edited: Think it must be very fancy with loads of extras?

If they’re hoarders I imagine that’s how they treat they’re own house and leave crisp packets around

I genuinely can't imagine hosting my parents for a meal and expecting them to help me clear it up afterwards

I think it is normal. I generally offer to help when friends have cooked for me, but they inevitably say no

how often are they over?

are they playing / talking to grandchildren whilst you clear?

You can't expect guests to help with the housework, sorry, but I think you're being unreasonable.

It would be lovely if they offered, but you can't expect it. Let your partner help.

Wasn’t straight hours, but we had a large piece of beef that we slow cooked. However I can’t be far off because he did almost all the extras homemade (cheesy cauliflower, honest parsnips etc). Also we have desert made.

Same, they've raised me and done their work. Time to give a bit back IMO

I’d never expect guests to help; they usually offer but I’d say no anyway

They eat one a week or fortnight at ours and NEVER ever help. I’m fact they never help with anything (eg even things like if they eat crisps, they’ll leave the packet in the living room- sometimes even it’s just on the floor). Isn’t this so rude.

you don’t seem to really like your parents

and yet you have them over for dinner once a week?! 😆

They are your guests, they should not help unless they offer.

Talking to grandkids but not supervising them, I always have to be about because they can’t manage the kids on their own.

The hosts should clear up. It’s optional for guests to offer to help, but even then the hosts should usually decline

I wouldn’t expect guests to do it. Unless they’re a long term guest. And especially not my parents. It’s just part of hosting imo.

bloody bell that would have involved a lot of clearing up afterwards! i don’t blame them!!

I wouldn't expect guests to help with a clean-up.

However, if it's family that come round frequently and I feel close enough to that it's appropriate for them to help, I would feel fine asking them straight.

how old are your children?

Honest parsnips?

@Advicediddlyice why the hell do you still invite them over? every week???? jeezus! are they total geriatrics unable to cook for themselves?

It's selfish and thoughtless but if they are hoarders then tidying away possibly doesn't register to them.. I would actually say ok dad you clear and mum you can wash up, I'm having a day off today. Or simply say next week that you have made alternative plans and your restaurant is closed.

But isn’t it polite to offer if you are a guest? Especially if it’s a big meals that’s taken ages to cook? I just thought that was a basic. I’d never not offer to help and am happier helping with something if I am a guest (eg might offer to bring desert).

Im surprised so many people think it’s reasonable. I guess I see them less as “guests” because they are here so often and my parents. Also they eat here a lot and we don’t eat there, so id assume a want to help in somewhere.

No I wouldn't expect guests to do the clear up, let alone parents. You seem so resentful of this to the point where I'm assuming there is a backstory that may explain it.

Yes it’s polite to offer but I’d always refuse. The crisp packet thing would annoy me though but I certainly wouldn’t expect my parents to wash up.

@FunnyFinch it says in the OP 'They eat one a week or fortnight at ours and NEVER ever help.'

Perhaps they're paying you back for the mess you made as a teenager OP!