Parents helping wash up after being cooked a meal

[Advicediddlyice]

Had parents over for a cooked meal, as we often do. As usual, even though we cook there is absolutely no offer to help clear up after. Not even a small showing of helping to carry things in from the table. Is this normal? AIBU to think this is rude?

For context we don’t eat at my parents because they have a small home and horde so there is no space for us. They eat one a week or fortnight at ours and NEVER ever help. I’m fact they never help with anything (eg even things like if they eat crisps, they’ll leave the packet in the living room- sometimes even it’s just on the floor). Isn’t this so rude.

Today after dinner I said “who will help me clear the table”. My husband got up to help me and I loudly told him he shouldn’t because he had spent 3+hours cooking a roast for us. I made the kids help but no move at all from my dad.

WIBU to just assign jobs next time- “dad grab the plates into the dishwasher while I wipe the table”.

Of course it's polite to offer to help clear. The issue also is that it isn't polite to expect a guest to help. None of my family though would dream of going somewhere as a guest and not muck in to help. You either accept them as the slobs they are (harsh, but true) or scale back the effort and make something easier to prepare and clear up after. People don't change.

I would never expect guests to wash up or clear the table. That is your job as a host. You are being unreasonable.