Upset about Mothers Day card

[Strawberry06]

Before I start I probably am being unreasonable but I can't help the way I feel.

Today is my first ever Mother's Day and my husband usually gets me a nice card for other occasions and writes a personal message inside.

Anyway for some reason he decided to go down the moonpig route and he made me a personalised card using a photo of me and the baby. In said photo I look horrendous, I've had no sleep, no make up on, not even brushed hair and the card is the whole photo. I couldn't help but cringe when I opened it and then burst out crying. Then there's just the most basic line of text inside.

I know I probably sound so ungrateful and there are much more important things but all I wanted was just a normal cute mummy card with a handwritten message inside for my first Mother's Day and I can't help but think he's ruined it and I'm so upset about it.

He knows the cards are important to me I don't ask for or expect anything else but a nice card I don't feel like it's a lot to ask!

Ok at first I was going to roll my eyes and say get a grip, but your baby is only two weeks old! Honestly you still have so many hormones crashing through your body, the tiniest thing can set you off! Deep breaths, hug your husband, hug your baby, in a few weeks you'll look back at this and not recognise yourself!

I didn't get one for my first Mother's Day but he expected me to tell anyone that asked that he did . Then when I didn't accused me of making him look like a shit to everyone else .

So he could have gone into a shop and bought the same card that hundreds of other women got. But he didn't. He went to the trouble of getting a card created with a photo of you that he clearly thinks is special.

Good grief. Seriously. You could not be more unreasonable.

I have a photo that my son in law took of my DD with my hour old DGD. I was really surprised when I framed a copy and DD hated it. We see different things. I see her pride and amazement in her baby. She sees exhaustion and raggedness.

So I put the photo away. But your DH didn't know you saw yourself in a different way from him, and so it ended in tears. Thank goodness I didn't make a card of that photo. But I still love it and don't see in it what she does.

and presumably he should know his wife well enough to know that photo isn’t one she likes

Do you have kids @LuckySantangelo35? We took thousands of photos in the first weeks of having our babies and didn’t look through them properly for months due to lack of time, so it is possible they hadn’t had time to discuss which they liked.

I’m the first to call out a shit bloke who makes no effort, but I don’t think it’s the case here being as he’s usually good at this sort of thing.

A few days after having your baby you were already thinking about what birthday card you'd get? I'm surprised. You've just welcomed a new life into the world. Surely that's more important than all the make up and cheesy messages about what a great mother you are after a whopping two weeks.

@DanielGault

emblazoning a card with a photo of op that she really doesn’t like!

he should have put more effort in to select a photo of her that she does like. He’s her husband he should bloody know what kind of photos op likes of herself and which she doesnt.

its really not that hard

@KrushedIvy

what a dickhead

Or maybe he didn’t stop to ask her opinion cos he wanted it to be a surprise and didn’t think she’d be so OTT about it

Sorry- that was a bit harsh. I take it back.

@SmileyClare

i doubt op looks worse now after shedding a few tears then after being up all night, in labour, and having a c section! lol

You are only two weeks post partum, you probably feel sensitive and easily upset at the moment. Try not to take it to heart - he clearly loves you. He is probably struggling to adjust to having a baby himself (not that it is as hard for him as for you, but a big change).

Have a cuddle with him and the baby, something nice to eat, maybe treat yourself to something on Amazon that will make you feel good like a new book or bubble bath or a new top if you can afford it.

Enjoy your beautiful new baby! And if you keep feeling tearful over the next few weeks, speak to your HV - they are there to help.

Good luck!

YBVU Poor guy orders a card with his 2 favourite people on it. Of mother and baby - for ‘mother’s day’. I can’t think of anything more fitting, certainly not a random hallmark card from Tesco. You may think you look awful but he surely doesn’t.

These mothers day posts are getting ridiculous. You both have a 2 week old baby. Baby brain will affect him too, maybe to the dizzying heights of buying a different type of card than he normally would. Please give him a break in this case.

@ALunchbox

yeah how dare op think about such frivolous things as makeup and birthdays now she’s a mum?! Her days of enjoying those things for herself are over!

🙄

Obviously, he didn't do it on purpose, he messed up but he meant well. So, if I were the OP, I'd wipe my tears, tell him I understand he meant well but the photo is NOT a good one (even though he thinks so, he didn't chose a bad photo on purpose to upset her, right?) , I am feeling upset and fragile 2 weeks post-partum, so he'd better make up for it. I'd probably demand chocolate, cake, pizza, kitchen cleaned, a glass of whatever if I were not breastfeeding, you get the the idea. I'd make him spoil me a bit more because of this "brain fart" .

YABU, but I get it, sort of. It's a mountain out of a mole hill and we all react at times like this to the silliest of things.

My first birthday as a mum my husband got me a card from my daughter without the word mum/mummy on it and I got unreasonably miffed about it 😂 politely told him in future to please get me a card from my children with the word mum on. Ridiculous but there you go.

That's bullshit tbh. Why would he know what photos she likes? I'm guessing with a young baby they don't have much time to muse over the most flattering photos. Sleep deprived, feeding, playing. No time for musing. The father did a nice, thoughtful thing, mum is wrecked and doesn't like the pic. Fair enough. But what he did was thoughtful and sweet, I really can't believe anyone thinks otherwise. I await next year's moan about petrol station flowers.

And it isn't unreasonable to assume that OP's perspective has changed and she's less interested in her hair and make-up in a photo of her and her newborn that she might have been in a photo pre-birth. Maybe the DH just thought it was a lovely photo and that make-up wasn't important.

I'd put money on OP looking absolutely fine in this photo and her DH quite understandably not thinking otherwise.

Congratulations OP on having such an easy life that this is something that makes you cry. You sound as very young and/or very spoiled.
Wait until you have a teenager. You will look at the card with tears of love.

My first mother's day card was complete rubbish but we laugh about it now, 26 years later.

DH had obviously just grabbed a card from a garage which he thought was funny - it was a card with Homer Simpson's bare arse sticking through a doughtnut with the words 'doh!' on it.
NOTHING to do with mother's day.

I burst into tears and tore it up when I opened it. I wish I'd kept it.

Hopefully you'll be able to see the funny side of this in years to come. Congratulations on being a mum.

The photo is of an emotional moment. Probably a moment when he was filled with love for you, and pride in you. Of course that's what he chose to celebrate your motherhood.

I honestly feel really sorry for the guy.

I'm not a mum so don't shoot me if I way off but ihmo so many new mum's and pregnant women think they look like crap when they really don't.

There's a lady who works with me who is so negative about herself when she's pregnant whereas she glows, her skin is so radiant and there's so sort of healthy warm beaming from her. It's weird but it happens . I accept she might be exhausted or ill but she doesn't look the way she think she does.

I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt here. He tried to capture a memory in a more meaningful way than just picking a generic card off a shelf.

Congratulations on your baby btw.

It's a card you will always want to keep and it will be great to look back on. You will look back on it in years to come and think you look amazing, I promise!

@DappledThings

plenty of women are still into things like makeup just as much after birth and when they’re a mother as before when they weren’t.

I know women who wouldn’t leave the house without makeup on before the kids and they were just the same after kids.

Do they think they should stop caring about such unimportant things and just focus on the baby?

Not an every woman’s “perspective” changes.

What an utterly ridiculous leap!

I'm not saying every woman's perspective changes. I am saying it is entirely reasonable OP's DH didn't give her hair and make-up situation a moment's thought when selecting a photo he thought looked lovely of his wife and newborn.