To think this was massively out of line

[Linguines]

DH just randomly smacked me so hard on the arse that it almost reduced me to tears. There is a huge handprint on my bum now and I just feel bit like, what the hell? why did he do that? why did he think that was ok?

Speak to him then?

Why do you accept being groped and smacked whenever he feels like it? Just because you’re bending down. It’s disgusting, and it’s not respect. You don’t treat a partner like a piece of meat… that’s what he is doing. And now he had hurt you. Hmmm. This isn’t an OK relationship.

If it's something that he usually does and it's a playfully accepted by you and maybe he didn't realise how hard he had hit you that's one thing.
If it's something you don't like then obviously you need to speak up about it in general and he needs to apologise either way.

Did the children see him do this? Does he generally do this in front of them?

Take a photo but don't send it (yet).

When he gets home, when the children aren't in earshot, speak to him calmly. Say something like "I've been getting more and more irritated by this frequent slapping of my bum but so far I haven't said anything, so I'm saying something now. I don't like it, so please don't do it any more - at all. I'm saying it now because this morning you slapped me extremely hard - you must have known it would hurt, so I don't know why you think it's OK."

Depending on his response (for instance it was playful/a joke), you could then say - "Would you think it OK to playfully slap one of the children like this and leave handprints on them? No, of course you wouldn't - so why is it OK to do it to me?"

If he tries to dismiss it by implying you're exaggerating, then show him the photo - ask him if it would be OK if someone left a mark on one of the children like that - as a bit of fun?

If he's anything like my ex he might then counter with something you do that annoys him (although I'll wager whatever it is doesn't leave impact marks on him). If he does, don't be sidelined - say something like "maybe I do" or "very well, now I know you don't like it I won't do it" or "I will try to remember not to do that" but make sure you end with "but you do understand that I don't want you to continue with this Carry On style so-called humorous arse slapping don't you." And make sure he agrees - no matter how ungraciously.

His response and future behaviour will be quite telling - you will soon see how seriously he takes you.

If it happens again then you escalate stuff - especially if it's in front of the children, what sort of message is that giving them (maybe tell him that too.)

So when your husband regularly takes up doing something to you that you dislike, you say nothing to him.

When he does something to you that really hurts, you STILL say nothing and instead go on Mumsnet to ask a bunch of complete strangers why he did that.

Are you frightened of him? Do you think he'll do something to harm you if you speak openly and honestly with him?

Some people enjoy a bit of arse slapping. Your husband is obviously one of them and you obviously are not. It might be an idea to point this out to him and seeing how things go before calling the police.

@Whoknowsohyoudo · Today 12:17

Exactly this. My DH is an ass grabber and it drove me crazy to the point I started bending at the knees instead of at the waist when I had to bend over. After months of asking him to stop I finally lost it and slapped the beard off him. He is much more restrained now. I don't think he meant you any harm and would be upset to know he did. If he's not completely contrite after seeing the mark, well that's a whole new thread.

Ditto. My DH used to do this. Thought it was cute and affectionate - and that I would be turned on by his whacking my arse, grabbing me and pushing me against the wall, and pinning me back whilst holding my wrists tightly. Also loved thrusting his pelvis against my bum when I was washing up, or cooking - and started writhing against me, and squeezing my breasts and pinching my nipples.

He was baffled when (after about ten times,) I shoved him away, and screamed 'will you fucking STOP grabbing my arse, man-handling my tits, and pinching my fucking nipples?! I am sick of it!' He pulled a face and pouted and said 'well if I can't touch my own wife, what's the point to anything?'>>> sad face 😢

I said 'I am not your property, you don't get to poke and prod me like play-doh. I do have feelings. And FYI - I HATE it.' He had this idea that he was somehow entitled to manhandle me and grope and prod me because I am his WIFE... And (as I said,) hilariously, he thought it would turn me on.

Quite the opposite, I found it revolting and repugnant, and my fanny dried up, and closed up a little bit more, each time he did it. He also had a period of time, where he would slap me on the arse every time I walked past him. It got so bad that I walked past him 'frontways' all the time...

Or when I was walking away from him I covered my arse with my hands so he would just end up slapping my hands and not my arse.

He said 'anyone would think you don't want me touching your arse!' I said 'I don't. I HATE it when you slap my arse. It's as irritating as fuck, and I dread walking past you because I know you're going to whack my arse. It's not a turn on, it's a turn off. Just STOP IT!'

This was 25+ years ago, and thank fook he stopped after a year or two of doing it! But oh my days, it was annoying!

@Linguines As many posters have said, let him know how much you hate it and TELL him to stop. Also, as has been said, photograph the mark, and keep it somewhere safe.

you didn’t bother asking him

instead thought mumsnet was your best bet

🙄

I think smacking someone’s bum is fine if they are ok with it and it’s playful but there’s never any excuse to do it so hard.

You wouldn’t slap someone across the leg, arm or face hard so why their bum.

I confronted him earlier, he said it was either that or a punch in the face, WOW, he says he wants me to realise.

Whaaaat? Seriously what have I just read?

@Linguines he said he either slapped your bum so hard it left a handprint or punched you in the face? This man is not safe to be around.

Right something is seriously amiss. If this is out of the blue, I’m very confused. Is there a back story? Did you drive over his dog? Murder his mum?

OP wants you to realise what?

Wants you to realise what, OP? or was that a typo? Either way it's completely out of order and frightening behaviour.

I fuckin LOVE being smacked hard on the arse once in a while. Bit of a turn on for me😍

Lord help my husband if he behaved like this.
😠

WHAAAAAAAAAAAA? Why? Why would he punch you in the face?

You need to get your ducks in a row. Do you have anywhere you can go? Please don't stay with him.

This.
Tell him you don't like it and that this one really hurt.

Deleted due to further updates and am now thinking wtaf?!

Also @Linguines what does he want you to realise?

This sounds completely unhinged! Make sure you have somewhere to go. Seriously, this would worry me.

@Linguines - Is that comment after he's returned with the children? If so then you need to be careful. Is there anyone you can call?

Call the police and report an assault. Next time it will be a punch in the face time to make plans to leave. First step call the police and have him removed from the house for assaulting you.

We smack each others bums here but if it actually hurts, we immediately apologise. This sounds like he wanted to hurt you.