To think this was massively out of line

[Linguines]

DH just randomly smacked me so hard on the arse that it almost reduced me to tears. There is a huge handprint on my bum now and I just feel bit like, what the hell? why did he do that? why did he think that was ok?

This is a bit off odd to put on Mumsnet. It's your husband..ask him and and tell him it hurt and you don't want him ti do it again?

I'm more concerned you're not speaking to your husband and on Mumsnet.

So it's something he does regularly, but this time it was harder than normal and hurt, whereas normally it doesn't?

Unless there's a massive backstory you're leaving out, I'd assume he didn't mean it and didn't realise he had hurt you as badly as he did.

Of course it's relevant.

Why haven't you said something? It sounds lack poor/ no communication is the main issue here.

Why are you asking us and not him? Surely you’d use your words and tell him not to do it again? Explain why?

and for the poster who said she’d phone the police and tell them her husband smacked her arse. Seriously??

Take a photo of the handprint left on your skin so you have evidence and email the photo to yourself and store it somewhere he can't delete it.

Text him to say "I'm still in shock that you violently smacked me this morning and walked out leaving me in pain, on Mother's Day of all days. Why would you physically assault me like that? That's not what loving partners do."

Make him realise in black and white what he has done.

If he tries to minimise, tell him that you have photographs of the impression that his hand left on your skin. How would he feel if someone did that to one of your children? Would he laugh that off?

Take a picture.

When he returns, tell him he really hurt you this morning. Show him the picture. Tell him you want him to never slap you again, even if he thinks its affectionate or funny you don't want him to do it and it stops now.

Take a photo. Make sure it is date stamped. Email a copy to yourself (preferably to an email address he doesn’t know about.) Send it to him with a text stating “I have told you repeatedly that I hate it when you slap me on the bottom. I have told you that it’s not funny and that I don’t like it at all.)!!! You didn’t even have the respect for me to apologize when I told you that it really hurt. I have sent copies of this to a couple of friends to keep safe for me because I am telling you now that if you EVER slap me again or hurt me in any way, I am taking this photo to the police to use
as backup evidence when I press charges against you for assault.”

The OP has said she's never said anything?

Agree with this. Tell him this all stops from now on, he's crossed a boundary, especially since he didn't even bother apologising when you told him it hurt.

So the background context is he does it in his mind as a presumably loving petting way that you have never objected to so thinks it is a sign of affection between you .
.

Only you (and he) will know whether this was meant in a similar way or whether it felt altogether entirely different. Maybe he meant it that way but felt different to you as you weren't bending or maybe he didn't .

You need to have that conversation when he gets back if you still feel it was done in a different spirit when he gets back.

I do it back to him, have you got a riding crop or anything to hand that would make it extra painful? Spatula maybe?

Except she has never told him so why would she lie to say she has?

Sit him down and say
" never ever do that again "

wtf? Just talk to him.

This is a massive red flag.

He was testing your boundaries and seeing if you would accept being hit harder.

You need to photograph the mark, with a time and date stamp, then confront him about it. If he minimises or deflects, leave. Actually, I'd leave anyway!

Send a picture of your bare ass to your friends on Mother’s Day????

100% this. I’m so sick of hearing about pornsick, knuckle-dragging men thinking this shit is normal. Hope you’re ok, OP.

I don't think you need to call the police or leave him op as some are suggesting, it honestly just sounds like a thoughtless action that he's done many times before but this one was harder. Tell him to stop doing it. If he does it again that's another matter but you need to actually talk to him rather than just write it on here.

Exactly this. My DH is an ass grabber and it drove me crazy to the point I started bending at the knees instead of at the waist when I had to bend over. After months of asking him to stop I finally lost it and slapped the beard off him. He is much more restrained now. I don't think he meant you any harm and would be upset to know he did. If he's not completely contrite after seeing the mark, well that's a whole new thread

This.

I didn't hit him but I waited till he was bending over getting the drying out and went between/under and grabbed his balls.

He, predictably, didn't appreciate it.

I told him that the grabbing made me feel like a dirty wank sock and not his cherished, beloved wife so fucking stop it.

Op, only you can know whether it was malicious or misguided. But you need to communicate with your husband about it.

Ugh, what a cunt. Tell him if he ever hits you again you’ll leave him.

DP enjoys being spanked, especially when doing mundane stuff like loading the washing machine etc. However, occasionally my aim is off or I give it a little bit more welly than I intended and as a result it's a bit more painful than she enjoys.

Two things very different than your situation OP are that a. I'm doing something that I know she enjoys and has specifically asked me to do, and b. I always immediately apologise if I accidentally hurt her.

What your husband did is not on @Linguines , and I'd read him the riot act and telling him that if he ever strikes you again you'll be calling the police.

That’s horrendous. It’s not your fault at all but you need to make it clear that’s not ok.

You need to talk to him about it and his response will tell you all you need to know.

What is your relationship like normally? It is respectful and playful or is it abusive or domineering in anyway.

There's a hell of a difference between:

"I'm sorry, it was probably a bit harder than usual. I didn't mean to hurt you"

And

"Ffs, why are being dramatic. It was a pat on the bum and you are being hysterical"

Tell him you don't like it and he needs to stop.