To think this woman shouldn’t have interfered in the restaurant?

[Goldenrainbows]

We are away at the moment and went to eat last night in a family pub with an indoor play area which seemed to get my ds (3) a bit hyper. He’s normally really good in restaurants but was admittedly being really silly and swinging back on his chair and running off and not eating. I was doing my best to deal with it.

It really wasn’t helped by a woman sitting at the table behind us who kept interfering and shrieking ‘he’ll fall!’ every time he was swinging on his chair and making comments about him and us. I don’t think it was coming from a bad place but AIBU in thinking it really wasn’t appropriate? It was stressful and meant we couldn’t deal with DS properly as she was taking our attention. (By the way ds was far from the only badly behaved child there.)

OP, you don't seem to be actively listening. You're reading people's responses and responding defensively.

Was this really the woman's problem? Was SHE the issue? Of course not.

Your 3 year old was being a normal 3 year old and not sitting still. He was swinging on his chair and running about. He's just not ready to be eating in a restaurant. I have a 3 year old too and we don't eat out now. We used to when she was better behaved but she's a boisterous headstrong toddler who doesn't gel with restaurants. When she's older, we'll be able to eat out. For now we stick to home, family or fast food/cafe style venues.

If you have children you have to adapt your lifestyle. It's not up to others to move or accept children being noisy or disruptive. And it's very off-putting watching a 3 year old balance on the edge of their chair. I know it's not easy and not ideal, but that's part of parenting.

Yabu.

I would have simply told her that you are trying to deal with it and would be much more successful if she turned around and focused on her own meal and left you to it.

As for kids being “just well, kids…”
Nobody can afford for this in a society where people aggressively defend their kid’s right to behave how they like and then turn around and sue the restaurant when their precious little angel knocks into wait staff carrying hot food and burns their special little self.

Gently OP, what are you hoping to get from this thread?

You’ve seen the vast majority of people’s views and instead of accepting them and perhaps reflecting on the situation and how it could have been handled better and avoided in future, you are coming across as defensive.… if you didn’t want other people’s views and it appears you don’t, then why ask?

I agree that's what a child would want to do. But the Op said her son was swinging on a chair and not eating. The chair swinging was likely alarming and sounds dangerous. In this situation with a hyped up 3 yr old not interested in eating I'd have cut my losses and let them not eat and just play in the play area. She said she was right next to it so that sounds ideal. In my thinking play areas are so the parents can eat in peace (as if!) Expecting him to sit and eat next to a fun place was probably a non starter. Not managing the chair swinging was a mistake in my humble opinion.

There’s no intent to be defensive. I’ve just tried to explain what happened as while I accept we were obviously in the wrong I am a bit baffled that it’s okay to behave as she did. It really wasn’t helpful. And comments like ‘he ruined her meal’ just aren’t true at all.

But i do accept we shouldn’t have taken DS, as I can’t control him at all so we reliant on his cooperation which obviously wasn’t happening.

"He was listening to me but when she was giving him attention it fed that so he was more inclined to be silly."

So it's her fault that your child was disruptive and "silly"?

I don't know why you didn't just leave or take him outside, sounds very fraught for everyone.

Well if your child was parented and not 'oh they are 3 they are allowed to run riot it is normal' then she wouldn't need to have commented

It's simple really

I was trying, I really was.

Why can't you " control him at all" ?
And, if you really can't, don't take him to a restaurant until you can!

The woman isn't the problem here.

Your son is. What are you going to do about it?

I cannot understand the hard time you’re getting here op. Maybe people are missing the part where you’re eating in a restaurant with a soft play? Quite literally designed to be a place to take small children out for meals. The woman sounds incredibly irritating, if she can’t deal with small children and their behaviour why is she eating in a restaurant with a soft play. Your child sounds three, as does the behaviour of the woman. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t mind the busy bodies, and happy Mother’s Day!

Probably should have, couldn’t really take him outside as busy road but yeah should have left. Wed paid so difficult.

Having lived in other countries, I am mortified how little parenting many Brits actually do.

In Europe (and probably most other countries) generations of all ages eat out together and the 3 year old has learned from year dot how to behave.

Running away from the table?
Doesn't even exist there.

Yes exactly this. I don't go to Brewer's Fayre now mine are teens!

Disagree with other posters. I just ignore stuff like this, it’s easy to do and why would I give it any attention?

I don’t really care if someone else’s child falls off a chair and I doubt she does either.

She was turning this into a one-woman performative show of what she thought of your child/ your parenting.

In her own way, she was acting out as much as your child, but with much less justification.

If I were there, her adult shrieking and commentary would have been far more irritating to me than a small child rocking on a chair or doing a runner. That’s something I can ignore or laugh at.

YANBU OP

In Europe (and probably most other countries) generations of all ages eat out together and the 3 year old has learned from year dot how to behave.

We’re in bloody Europe!

Also utter nonsense. I’ve seen French, German, Italian and Spanish kids misbehaving in restaurants. I had a delightful experience once in a restaurant where a French boy of about 10 sneezed directly in my face and gave me one of the worst colds of my life and neither he or his Mother apologised.

How do you know it didn’t ruin her meal?
why didn’t you just ignore her and focus on your son?

This was how interpreted it.

It’s not to say DS was perfect but he wasn’t that bad and I have pretty high standards.

Because I was there … the spacing between the tables was quite big. She was turned sideways so she was purposefully looking at us. If it had been bothering her if she’d turned the ‘right’ way she wouldn’t even have known we were there.

Absolutely this.

No. You don't have high standards. You did not stop your child from swinging on chair. You did not remove your child when he ran off.
Your definition of high standard seems a bit off to me.
No one is saying parenting is easy but to allow your child to run in a restaurant it's not high standards!
Take your child out.
Take your child to the play area and let him run off steam. That's what it's there for.

If you've already paid then you're fine to just leave. Yes you won't get the food but the pub won't mind

Going slightly contrary to many posts, this was a child friendly restaurant with a softplay, any adult not wanting to be around playing kids shouldn't have been there, so it sounds like it may have been the wrong environment for the woman.

Having said that, I've been to lots of those kind of places with DD and we always had a very simple rule that she could play before and after dinner in the softplay, but while she was at the table/in the dining area she needed to behave or she would get 1 warning then we'd leave. She could eat quickly and go back to playing, she didn't have to sit for ages at the table, but she did need to sit nicely at the table, eat properly, walk not run around the tables and not mess about. Predominantly this was for safety, kids running about and swinging on chairs where hot food is being moved around and space is limited is dangerous, but it's also to show consideration for the other diners.