To think this woman shouldn’t have interfered in the restaurant?

[Goldenrainbows]

We are away at the moment and went to eat last night in a family pub with an indoor play area which seemed to get my ds (3) a bit hyper. He’s normally really good in restaurants but was admittedly being really silly and swinging back on his chair and running off and not eating. I was doing my best to deal with it.

It really wasn’t helped by a woman sitting at the table behind us who kept interfering and shrieking ‘he’ll fall!’ every time he was swinging on his chair and making comments about him and us. I don’t think it was coming from a bad place but AIBU in thinking it really wasn’t appropriate? It was stressful and meant we couldn’t deal with DS properly as she was taking our attention. (By the way ds was far from the only badly behaved child there.)

I agree children should absolutely not be running round in restaurants but stopping him doing this was made harder by her as she kept talking so my attention would be diverted by her and then ds would try to run off (to the play area we were next to, he wasn’t just randomly doing laps.)

Tbh, a pub with a play area sounds like a whacky warehouse type place.

The pub is clearly seeking out families and encouraging children to play.

If the nosy woman did not want to be around excited children, she shouldn’t have chosen a pub that deliberately overexcites children. It’s like sitting on a park bench near a playground and moaning that your park experience is being ruined by children playing.

Running around a restaurant or pub isn't appropriate at any age. And it's dangerous

Did "doing your best" mean sitting there drinking and not actively parenting whilst your child ran riot?

It seems to be common to think that if there's a child's play area in a pub or restaurant then it's a 'child centred' place where children being tired,bored or over excited and the resultant behaviour is seen as not having to be managed to the normal level of expectation.

It sounds like she was genuinely concerned the kid was going to injure themselves.

Why didn't one of you just go the the play area with him then? Or just let him go himself if it was right next to you as you have said.

She was being passive aggressive about it, which is quite irritating. You're right that her flapping around probably didn't help at all. However, she was right that you needed to be dealing with it right then and there.

Absolutely this.

I am surprised you were distracted by her when you were trying to stop your child from running around and swinging on chairs - in fact I am amazed you even noticed her.

Surely if you are sat right next to the play area it is so your child can play whilst you eat? No amount of chicken nuggets and chips is going to be more fun than the play area. I would have just let him play and eat something later.

Play areas hype children up, though. Of course they’re going to be bouncier than usual. If the pub wanted to encourage families, but quietly, they’d provide colouring in.

Besides the Op said she was sitting right next to the play area. So it sounds like the child was running from it to the table and back again between bites. What three year old wouldn’t want to do that?

All that anxiety probably comes from a place in her past - one where she wasn’t allowed to be a normal three year old.

Oh hark at Poundland Freud!

I don’t get this. Ignore her and parent your child.

if you had dealt with it she would have had nothing to comment on.

We did but there did come a point where he had to eat something. I think one of the problems was actually that he was hungry but over excited and got giddy as a result.

He was listening to me but when she was giving him attention it fed that so he was more inclined to be silly.

I don't understand the *dealing with" it part, how did the chair swinging happen multiple times, that's not dealing with anything and why would you need to engage with the woman

Remove child from table, ignore woman - job done, you made a situation where there didn't need to be one

I did deal with it but then it would happen again. So he would swing on his chair, I would say to stop and she’d start squealing and commenting, he’d start again a few minutes later. Something like chair swinging isn’t like they stop once and then never do again, unfortunately.

Control your kid

You said he was running off and not eating but that he was hungry. You should have ignored the woman if he was running off and dealt with him. It’s dangerous and poor waiters/waitresses are trying to deliver food around your wild son?! No good asking a question and getting defensive. Have your kid behave or don’t go.

I wouldn't want my evening meal ruined by kids running about but then again I would not ever go out for an evening meal in a place with a play area cos that's what happens!! Over reaction on her part

Saying stop? What else did you do to stop your child ruining the atmosphere for everyone?

I’m not trying to be defensive, just trying to explain what happened. I agree he should not have been running off, but it was made harder not easier by her interference. He was literally running into a play area we were next to not all round the restaurant.

DS doesn’t always recognise hunger or other feelings, you do need to prompt him or he doesn’t really eat.

You keep hold of the chair so he can’t swing.

you take him out.

at 3 you put him in a high chair if needed!

what you don’t do it let him repeat the behaviour constantly and just ask him not to when that isn’t working.

Chair swinging - you put your arm across the back and hold the chair down so he can’t swing. And that’s the job done, surely? Why couldn’t you stop that instantly?

He really wasn’t doing this.

If she hadn’t been turned round to look at us, no one else would even have noticed.