Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother’s Day is supposed to be for me too?

132 replies

Lumiodes · 10/03/2024 06:32

I don’t want to spend my day hanging out with DH’s mum and her boyfriend, who she’ll insist on bringing. It’s MY day too, why do I have to spend it with people I can’t be bothered with?

I left it till the absolute last minute to say shall we stay home and cook dinner today, because I don’t feel up to a walk and the weather forecast isn’t good. I knew if I mentioned it earlier in the week it would end up not being my dinner because DH would want to invite his mum and she’d bring her boyfriend even if he wasn’t invited.

We got up at 6am when DS1 started whinging, and I said I might pop to the shop when it opens and get a joint of meat and a cake, because I don’t fancy a walk after all. DH has started moaning it’s too late to invite his mum now. Are we not allowed to just have a nice dinner ourselves?

OP posts:
NWQM · 10/03/2024 06:34

So yes it's too late .....you need to agree so you don't have to but so what? What was his plan with his Mum?

jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 06:34

It's sad that he won't let you do something for yourself. Is he going to pop in and see his mum? Or is he too lazy for that and just wanted you to get a joint of meat and cook it?

Alwaystransforming · 10/03/2024 06:46

Can’t he just go see his mum this morning? Then come back and have a nice day together?

I would be telling him it is too late.

Original poster
Lumiodes · 10/03/2024 06:52

I don’t know if he’s visiting his mum. It’s not my problem. I presume he’ll pop over later, probably with DC.

I had said let’s visit a local stately home, because I knew his mum couldn’t walk well enough to be invited to ruin my day. But it’s forecast to rain all day and I’d prefer a nice dinner. I left it as late as possible to switch plans so he wouldn’t try to insert his mum (and her bloody bf) into my day. But now he’s moaning that I should have said earlier about cooking dinner.

His sister doesn’t have to put up with the pair of them. She lives further away and will be having her own day and her own dinner. So why should I have her when her own daughter doesn’t?

OP posts:
jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 06:53

Lumiodes · 10/03/2024 06:52

I don’t know if he’s visiting his mum. It’s not my problem. I presume he’ll pop over later, probably with DC.

I had said let’s visit a local stately home, because I knew his mum couldn’t walk well enough to be invited to ruin my day. But it’s forecast to rain all day and I’d prefer a nice dinner. I left it as late as possible to switch plans so he wouldn’t try to insert his mum (and her bloody bf) into my day. But now he’s moaning that I should have said earlier about cooking dinner.

His sister doesn’t have to put up with the pair of them. She lives further away and will be having her own day and her own dinner. So why should I have her when her own daughter doesn’t?

That's what I meant if he's going to go and see here anyway what's the big deal

Original poster
Lumiodes · 10/03/2024 06:57

jellyfishbubbles · 10/03/2024 06:53

That's what I meant if he's going to go and see here anyway what's the big deal

Show quote history

He’s whinging “You said you weren’t cooking dinner but now you’re saying you are cooking dinner, and if you’d said earlier I could have invited my mum”. Yeah, no shit! That’s exactly why I didn’t say earlier - because I don’t want her to come. I want to have a nice Mother’s Day myself, and it’s not nice for me if I have to put up with her and her boyfriend.

OP posts:
Banrion · 10/03/2024 07:00

Just say straight out I'd like our dinner to be just us. And ask him if he's planning to see his mum before or after dinner so that it's clear you're not preventing him. Of course you don't have to hang out with his mother for the day. He can visit his mother, give her a present then spend the rest of the day with you.

gamerchick · 10/03/2024 07:01

Just tell him to go see his mother and you'll stay home. He's going to have a face on anyway.

Or it's still early enough and he will find away to get bus mother over. I'd get in there first and tell him he can leave you behind and crack on.

ArrestHer · 10/03/2024 07:02

If he wants his mum to join you for dinner he should have invited her and be cooking the meal!

ETA his mum is not your responsibility. He could have made a plan himself.

boredybored · 10/03/2024 07:02

IME it's always about the matriarch ! 🙄

Barrenfieldoffucks · 10/03/2024 07:03

Do you not like her?

SquishyElbows · 10/03/2024 07:04

Why can't you tell him that you don't want to spend mother's day cooking for your mil?

Original poster
Lumiodes · 10/03/2024 07:06

Barrenfieldoffucks · 10/03/2024 07:03

Do you not like her?

No. And I like her bf even less. She ruins my Xmas every year because we always have to invite her for dinner. I’d like to have a nice day without her.

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 10/03/2024 07:06

Plotting to switch plans at the last second to avoid his mum rather than having an honest conversation. What a way to live.

SBHon · 10/03/2024 07:07

Have you actually told him you don’t want to cook dinner for his mother on your Mother’s Day? Have a reasonable conversation about it.

Original poster
Lumiodes · 10/03/2024 07:07

SquishyElbows · 10/03/2024 07:04

Why can't you tell him that you don't want to spend mother's day cooking for your mil?

I don’t actually mind cooking. I just don’t want to put up with her and her bf.

OP posts:
SecondHandFurniture · 10/03/2024 07:07

Just tell him! Twisting yourself into a pretzel plotting like this is ridiculous.

OldBeyondMyYears · 10/03/2024 07:08

He's saying 'you should have said if 'YOU'RE' cooking dinner!!??

Wow...you've got a real prince there OP 🤦‍♀️😢

Lovetotravel123 · 10/03/2024 07:09

When we have had this issue in the past we try to divide the day up eg. Do brunch for the mother and MIL and then have the rest of the day for me. Or vice versa. I guess the way we see it is that one day they, sadly, won’t be around anymore, so we do what we can now.

Original poster
Lumiodes · 10/03/2024 07:10

SecondHandFurniture · 10/03/2024 07:07

Just tell him! Twisting yourself into a pretzel plotting like this is ridiculous.

If I tell him he’ll start shouting about me being selfish and mean. He knows full well what his mum has done to me but he still thinks I should put up with her on my special days.

OP posts:
Ariona · 10/03/2024 07:11

Why are you even with him when he allows her to treat you badly? I wouldn't even put up with him in the first place.

SecondHandFurniture · 10/03/2024 07:11

He can think what he likes. You don't have to do what he wants so he doesn't shout at you. Make this the Mother's Day you stick up for yourself. You married him, not his mum.

mice · 10/03/2024 07:12

With respect though, it's her special day too.

Lumiodes · 10/03/2024 07:13

This reply has been deleted

We are taking this down as it is not in the spirit of the site.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 10/03/2024 07:14

Simple solution. He pops to hers with the DC for the morning, leaving you to chill out and watch your programmes/read a book. Then they come home (bringing the joint etc) and HE cooks the fucking dinner because it's mother's day, you are the mother of his kids and he's supposed to be making a fuss of you not giving you shit.

It is perfectly ok to say you don't like his bitch of a mother and don't want to see her or her boyfriend. You are not his social support system.