Mother’s Day is supposed to be for me too?

[Lumiodes]

I don’t want to spend my day hanging out with DH’s mum and her boyfriend, who she’ll insist on bringing. It’s MY day too, why do I have to spend it with people I can’t be bothered with?

I left it till the absolute last minute to say shall we stay home and cook dinner today, because I don’t feel up to a walk and the weather forecast isn’t good. I knew if I mentioned it earlier in the week it would end up not being my dinner because DH would want to invite his mum and she’d bring her boyfriend even if he wasn’t invited.

We got up at 6am when DS1 started whinging, and I said I might pop to the shop when it opens and get a joint of meat and a cake, because I don’t fancy a walk after all. DH has started moaning it’s too late to invite his mum now. Are we not allowed to just have a nice dinner ourselves?

Your husband is putting his mother over you in importance. This will never resolve itself if he knows how you feel and just doesn't care unless he accepts that you don't like her and are allowed to limit time spent with her.

You'll have to either suffer through her inclusion in things like this for the rest of her life or tell him once and for all that you aren't hosting her today, it's your special day, too, and you won't be shouted at for not wanting to spend time with her. If he's the type to shout regardless, well, unfortunately you have limited options apart from living with it or leaving him.

Personally, I think your solution is to tell your DH to go spend the day with his mum if he's that outraged. He can cook her a meal if he wants to eat with her. Perfectly reasonable solution here. Tell him to enjoy. But s for you, tell him you're having YOUR mother around for the dinner you're shopping for and cooking. And, no, you're not cooking for his mother. That's his issue to sort as it will ruin your own mother's day frankly, and you're not having it.

Let him go to his mums for the day.

You stay at home and spend the day how you want.

For what it’s worth my Mother’s Day (3 children aged 5,7,8) has so far been spent sorting breakfast, wiping green snot from youngest one, dealing with squabbles, tidying up, sorting laundry…..Just a normal day but with some lovely handmade cards and flowers/chocolates from my children this morning.

Im meant to be visiting my mum today but my sister who doesn’t have children will be there and will spend most of the day eye rolling and tutting at my children if they make any noise and then shaking her head and throwing looks to my dad if they squabble or cry so I’m thinking of staying at home instead.

Thanks be to God my mother in law is 3 h away LOL

Why doesn't he take her out for a nice lunch?

Then you and the DC can have a nice meal at home and invite your mum.

If everywhere around is booked up, suggest he does this next year.

Go round to your mums and cook her and yourself a nice dinner

If he knows you have an issue with him mum then honestly, I’d just tell him. You don’t have to be nasty about it. Just ask if he can go and see his mum this morning and be back for x time because you’re looking forward to having a nice quiet Mother’s Day with just your little family

If you don't feel like hosting, you absolutely shouldn't host. I wouldn't have mentioned cooking dinner tbh, I'm not surprised that gave your DH the idea to invite his mum, does he know you don't like her? I think it's fine to tell your DH you don't want visitors on Mother's Day, what with the associated cleaning/cooking. He can then choose to visit his mum/take her out to lunch/whatever. You don't need to be involved with that if you don't want. Yes it's probably too late to book somewhere, he should have organised it weeks ago, but inviting his mum to yours is not the solution. But I do think it's mean to plan a day out that you know your MIL can't go on. It's mother's day, it's understandable he wants to spend it with his mum.

Oh that's alright for him! He wants to invite his DM to a Mother's Day lunch that you've cooked! So no effort and all the praise for him.

He can go around and make a fuss of her later whilst you put your feet up.

'If I tell him he’ll start shouting about me being selfish and mean.'

Just dump him, he shouts at you and his mums an arsehole, what's the point?

If you insist on staying with him then tell him straight stop fucking whinging at me on Mother's Day. It's time he learns how to behave.

Oh yes I missed the bit about the shouting. Why spend your life with a man who shouts at you? There are better men out there.

She's tip toeing around on eggshells because her partner will shout at her and huff if he doesn't get his way. This is a woman who has to buy and cook her own roast for Mother's Day and still he finds a way to complain about it.

Well you’re not actually having a nice day are you. His mother is an point of contention between you and playing games isn’t a good way to manage this.

you should be able to talk to one another, look I don’t want to spend Mother’s Day with your mother. This is why, I understand she’s your mum, and You’re welcome to go spend the time with her, but I will be cooking us a meal , you can join me and child or spend it with your mum, I’m good either way, just let me know

As is often the case on here, you don’t have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem.

Tell him it’s your day so you’ll be doing X, Y,Z until a certain time and then after that you can both go and visit your own mums.

Or use the day before to visit your mums and have Mother’s Day doing what you want to do.

Its absolutely ridiculous that you cannot discuss this with him and have to plan and plot out ways to get out of things or have your day ruined.

Stop focusing on the MIL and her new bf and start focusing on your DH and how he is the issue here.

Is there a reason that the only approach is scheming underhand dishonesty?

It's really he's just trying to kill two birds with one stone isn't it. He puts in no effort and looks like the good son having his mum to dinner. Tell him he can cook

Then DH could have thought ahead or... shock horror... offered to cook lunch for his Mum himself. Why is this on the OP?

Instruct him to go and visit his Mother. Don't do this to yourself again, you maybe need to be more specific and brief, 'I'm looking forward to time to myself on Mothers day, see you later for a dinner here at home, with us'.

But if you were originally going to national trust and she wasn't invited, and you're now not because it's raining, why would she be expecting any kind of invite today?

You’ve got a DH problem. I was first going to say you just don’t communicate, but seeing your updates about what happens when you do - yeah, a DH problem.

Fuck this, I would go to my mum's with the children and cook dinner for my mum and enjoy spending time with her.

Your husband sounds like a selfish, thoughtless dick head

So you planned mother's day to exclude your MIL due to disability, but on the day change those plans to something that theoretically could include MIL, and have now had to go "mask off" and spell out that you won't have that horrible woman near you because you're nursing a years old grudge despite her being ok these past few years?

Yeah, you don't sound great either to be honest.

But don't worry, this is MN where men who have any sort of relationship with their mum is a creepy obsessed mummy's boy.

Ohhh, interesting. So they don't really have to see mil at all!

MIL isn't op's mother. It's up to the husband. I'd tell him go visit her, you'll stay home and relax. He could even take HIS dm out for a meal, imagine that!