Mother’s Day is supposed to be for me too?

[Lumiodes]

I don’t want to spend my day hanging out with DH’s mum and her boyfriend, who she’ll insist on bringing. It’s MY day too, why do I have to spend it with people I can’t be bothered with?

I left it till the absolute last minute to say shall we stay home and cook dinner today, because I don’t feel up to a walk and the weather forecast isn’t good. I knew if I mentioned it earlier in the week it would end up not being my dinner because DH would want to invite his mum and she’d bring her boyfriend even if he wasn’t invited.

We got up at 6am when DS1 started whinging, and I said I might pop to the shop when it opens and get a joint of meat and a cake, because I don’t fancy a walk after all. DH has started moaning it’s too late to invite his mum now. Are we not allowed to just have a nice dinner ourselves?

My mum is a normal human. She’s happy with a visit and a card. She won’t start screaming and crying because she hasn’t been included. MIL is an nutter. Actually I’d like to invite my mum for dinner but I won’t because then DH will say he has to be allowed to invite MIL too.

Don't agree he takes dc if he goes. It's Mother's day not granny's day.

If I tell him he’ll start shouting about me being selfish and mean. He knows full well what his mum has done to me but he still thinks I should put up with her on my special days.

No wonder you struggle and changed things last minute. I don’t think yabu wanting to enjoy the day as you want. The issue is really your DH who could do for his mum himself if he really wanted to but puts the labour on you despite knowing how you feel about her and knowing she wouldn’t do the same for you.

Buy the joint, take the DC and go cook at your Mum's. And have a nice day 💐

Another day, sit down with your DH and work through this issue with his DM.

As it's actually Mothering Sunday, not Mother's Day and you're the only one out of the two of you who is still mothering (or it should be anyway), the day should solely be about you.

Yeah you have a Dh issue.

Why does MIL automatically get an invite to a meal OP is cooking for her own Mother’s Day? It’s not Mother-in-Lay day

Sure. So OP says so. Makes a plan in advance. If he's an arse about it, she needs to decide if it's a relationship she wants to be in.

Let me be sure I understand the situation:

• Husband has not booked a table at a restaurant for either his mother, nor the mother of his children.
• Husband has not planned to cook a meal for either his mother, nor the mother of his children.
• Husband has not planned a day out for either his mother, nor the mother of his children.
• YOU decide to go to the shops on Mothers Day to buy the ingredients for YOUR Mothers Day roast, which YOU will be cooking later today.
• Husband is upset that YOU didn’t plan this earlier, so he could have invited guests.

I do see an AH in this situation, but it is not you, OP. Enjoy your roast. ❤️

But the OP had already made plans for the day. A trip to a national trust property with loads of stairs.

She decided at 6am that this wasn't a good plan because of the weather so she launched her I will cook a meal that's too late to invite MIL to plan.

My dh hasn't booked a table at a restaurant either because that's not what I want to do on Mother's Day.

The problem isn't that he hasn't planned anything it's that the OP has planned things but the aim of her plan was to not spend any time with her MIL but instead of saying that she's trying to achieve it by stealth.

Yes this. Have a special brekky then let him bugger off anywhere he wants.

You sound ridiculous and honestly quite a nasty piece of work OP. Twisting yourself in knots and last minutes deceitful plans because you’re bitter and can’t have a conversation!

Just use your words and behave like an adult.

DH should be cooking the dinner anyway, not you !

Well I’d pack up all the roast prep and drive to your mum’s and cook for the two of you.
Leave your dh to sort his own mum out.

She does use her words but her dh doesn’t listen.
Anymore patronising suggestions?

This doesn’t sound like a MIL problem.

Im not convinced it’s a DH problem either.

Do you two actually speak (politely, considerately)?

In a healthy relationship, the ‘what are we doing for Mother’s Day?’ conversation would be a positive one.

You just need to tell him you don't want his mother and her bf to come for dinner. You just want to have a nice dinner with just your family. If he gets angry and shouts, tell him to go to his mother's and stay there.

That’s not really how the Mothering Sunday thing works 🤣

OP I have to be honest I think it’s nuts to be attempting (ineffectively) to manipulate the situation so your husband’s mother, who has three years’ recent history of being absolutely fine, can’t come round for tea because you’re annoyed at her for something from ten years ago. You probably know that too which is why you can’t just say it to your husband. He should be doing the work here though (the inviting, of both of your mothers if he wants his around, and the cooking).

And what do you suggest when he quite reasonably advises her what she can do with that instruction?

Do you have to follow his rules every other day if your life so he doesn’t shout at you?

So the OPs partner should have made a plan to see his own mother himself. Presumably he has a working brain and can manage that himself.

You’re an adult. You are allowed to dictate who you spend your time with

Mothering Sunday (UK) was the day you went back to your mother church. Mothering Sunday (US) is an early 20th century invention.

So, if you are in the UK, it's only Mothering Sunday if it's all about church and nothing to do with mothers.

He’s morning that he can’t invite his mum so YOU can cook for her 😂😂😂😂😂 hilarious!

Tell him to go drop her some flowers. Can he go for a walk with her?

It’s ridiculous how you’ve lied and plotted and manipulated everything when you could have just said ‘I’m not cooking for your mum’

grow up. Seriously

Yet another thread where I am left wondering how such mother obsessed men actually manage to father children.