Mother’s Day is supposed to be for me too?

[Lumiodes]

I don’t want to spend my day hanging out with DH’s mum and her boyfriend, who she’ll insist on bringing. It’s MY day too, why do I have to spend it with people I can’t be bothered with?

I left it till the absolute last minute to say shall we stay home and cook dinner today, because I don’t feel up to a walk and the weather forecast isn’t good. I knew if I mentioned it earlier in the week it would end up not being my dinner because DH would want to invite his mum and she’d bring her boyfriend even if he wasn’t invited.

We got up at 6am when DS1 started whinging, and I said I might pop to the shop when it opens and get a joint of meat and a cake, because I don’t fancy a walk after all. DH has started moaning it’s too late to invite his mum now. Are we not allowed to just have a nice dinner ourselves?

Stop playing games and just tell your DH straight that you don’t like spending time with his mum and her boyfriend.

Not directed at you Op but why on earth do people make such a fuss over one day? Surely you can just have a nice day some other time?

He shouts at you. Doesn’t offer you a lie in on Mother’s Day, you have to cook your own dinner. He doesn’t respect your feelings.

Why are you with this clown OP?

I agree just go and see your mum, cook dinner there. You will probably get more of a break at your mum’s than at home with your waster DH. Let him go and sit with mummy if he likes.

I used to have this power struggle over Mother’s Day with MIL. Dh now sees her the weekend before because she needed to be reminded she wasn’t the only mother on planet earth

This is classic 'you don't have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem' territory. Sorry. Hope you manage to have a nice day the way you want it.

What I find depressing about these Mother’s Day posts is how many men seem to need their wives to manage their relationships with their mums. This man could have gone round to his mum’s early in the morning but instead is kicking off because the OP hasn’t accommodated her. Did the OP also have to buy her Mother’s Day card?

Why are YOU cooking at all?
Surely he should be doing it? Then he might be in a position to demand who attends.

She's already said she likes cooking and doesn't mind d cooking .

It was her idea to cook a meal because they were going to go out for a walk but it's too wet.

Why can't he cook and invite his mum? As in, if he wanted to invite her so bad he could put some effort. Or take her out.

Exactly op and mil and dh can have a nice day another time, today dh can go see his own DM.

😂 even the day before.
But really dh could see his own dm on the day, take dcs if his dw wants a rest, or leave them if she wants to stay with them.

I do however understand the dh staying, if dc are very young. DM's who are actively mothering get tired!! But again, dh could take the kids if required.

@Lumiodes

what have you got against his mum??

why should she ruin your day??

you sound a bit precious

Have you not read that bit she ruined OPs wedding and has been mean to her for many years or is reading very hard for you today?

No I hadn’t read that bit. Thank you for illuminating me

You're welcome. Glad you're not too precious about it 😂

Nope. He invites, then HE cooks.

But in a normal relationship there should be mutual agreement. OP needs to put her foot down regarding Christmas.

DH hadn't spoken to his father/stepmonster for years but when we had children, I wrote to them and wanted to reestablish the relationship. It was ok for a while then stepmonster was absolutely vile about something the children said/did (bearing in mind they were under 7 and not the sort of kids to sit in silence for 4 hours when we went to visit) and I stopped making any effort. DH just said "told you so". Thankfully when she died, DH and his father had a good relationship for around 8 years but I stayed well out of it.

Just because someone is a relation doesn't mean they're a nice person, in fact a lot of the time they're not. Good for you OP.

Why tf are you cooking dinner anyway? Why doesn't he cook it?

@Wouldyouguess

nah, I really don’t care! 🤣

Does he know how you feel? And why isn't he making the plans for the day, or cooking for you both at least?

No one disagrees, her son and daughter should make it special for her. OP has every right to want to spend her own special day without someone who is mean to her.

My view @Lumiodes is you need to have this discussion and make it clear to your DH that you don’t want her involved in your special days. You’re fine for him to organize something with his mother but leave you out of it.

Let him shout all he wants the important thing is that it is out there, expectations are set and you don’t have to keep playing last minute games to avoid her, unless you have serious concerns about your safety if you tell him in which case you should be working on exiting the marriage.

Can we clarify, OP, what effort has your DH put into

a) Your Mother's Day, and
b) His mother's Mother's Day?

Why can't you alternate Xmas and Mother's Day with DH 's sister?

TBH you generally get your own Mothers Day when the oldies have stopped bothering or sadly, died.