Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

"Sorry, I am not able to drive you at the moment as I am busy...hope you can sort out another option...bye"

The old MN classics that no is a complete sentence and that doesn't work for me very much apply here. And I'd say to them, please stop asking when I've said no, it's becoming rude.
They don't sound like people you'd want to be friends with so just meet their pushiness with as firm a no as is needed to get your point across.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable at all but I think the best approach is to get DH to go round and tell them in no certain terms that they are never to ask you to do any of this stuff again or intrude on you when in your garden.

They will likely listen more to the man and he can be the bad guy, and hopefully save you drama of them turning it all into a massive personal dispute between them and you which I fear 'just say no' could snowball into at this point

Sorry I haven't time.
Sorry I haven't any fuel.
Sorry I don't want to.
Don't feel rude. They have balls of steel.

That sound incredibly rude. Next time they ask for a lift, I wouldn’t bother with an excuse, just a simple no but hope you can figure it out! If they keep knocking then don’t answer and ignore them.
Your dh should also say no to any lifts, especially weekends (if he’s off).

My neighbour recently started doing something similar- phoning me to ask random questions or to get me to do something for her. I’m also pregnant so nust
plainly said I don’t mind the odd text but I’m heavily pregnant and we won’t be able to do anything for them do they need to sort their problems themselves.

You need to be forceful, ignoring the polite. No.

I think you need to be “losing your temper“ now don’t wait for the baby to come. Invent high blood pressure or something and say there will be no more lifts.

They sound unbelievably cheeky. You need to keep saying no, and being quite forceful about it.

They are properly unbelievable! I have only considered asking my neighbour when I thought I really needed to go to seek medical help, shouldn’t drive and DH was away with work and I didn’t think it needed an ambulance and no taxis here in the evening. If I had asked them, I would have given petrol and returned with flowers and wine.

They are beyond cheeky @Popcornlassie28 I think they’ve worn you down so much you can’t see how awful this is. To keep harassing you, not pay, not take no for an answer and disrupting your peace.

Definitely no is a complete sentence....

Forget being polite. They aren't people you want in your life. Find your anger. This is a ridiculous situation. These are very selfish people who are completely taking the piss out of you.

Say no and don’t apologise for it. Why are you so worried about being polite when they are being rude and forceful with you?
How dare they expect you to go back out when you’ve just come off a night shift!

I think this is one of these situations where you have to be forceful - I really can't believe their brass neck! A simple 'no, I can't do that, hope you get something else sorted' and then close the door should do the trick. They are so rude, you do not have to be polite back.

They're absolute CFs, and they know it. I can guarantee no one has ever asked them for favours like that, and no doubt if they did, then they'd say no.

I would say fuck off 'no of course I can't!' as though it's the most ridiculous thing you've heard (because it bloody is, quite frankly!) don't give a reason for them to argue against, just say no.

No, it's 8am and Sunday, of course I can't drive you to work!

If you're off a night shift and they're banging the door, open it and tell them to stop, right now, because you're sleeping, and shut the door again.

Get cross, it's OK to be pissed off about it.

As they're taking the piss so completely, I'd not help them at all I'm afraid. Because even if you lend them a tea bag or something they'll take that as a weakness they can exploit and next thing it will be wanting you to drive them to the supermarket to do a full shop.

When's the last time they did something to help you?

The new baby is a great excuse. Get DH to say to them ‘Look as of now we are going to have to knock the lifts on the head, Jane is struggling being so heavily pregnant and when the baby comes, we can’t have the door bell going all the time and waking the baby. If you need to get hold of us ungently, use WhatsApp.’

If they ask again, say ‘No can do Julie, Jane is exhausted and I have to take her for an appointment in a bit. Try TF taxis, they’re great! Cheerio’.

When the baby is born and you bump in to them you should say… ‘Hi Julie, Hi Mark! Baby’s born, it’s a lovely little boy! We’ll call on you for babysitting, you owe us after all those lifts!!!

Theyll shit themselves and run a mile.

God they sound unbelievable. One thing asking for help in an emergency but to keep pestering you is unreal. You will just have to be blunt and say no you are too busy today. And don't give any detail as to what you are busy doing as they will just counter it with reasons why it isn't a problem. Just keep repeating no until they give up. What a nightmare!

Holy shit! I'm probably the most helpful neighbour you could meet, but the expression 'cheekyfuckery' does not even cover this.
Time to be a bit more forceful, OP.
Hope you're ok and best wishes with your pregnancy (and everything else!).

Sorry I can't and walk away/close the door.

Just be forceful back. Don’t carry litres of water ‘sorry the Dr has told me no heavy lifting!’ As for a lift ‘no sorry we haven’t got enough fuel to do extra journeys!’ Might make them realise they should be at least offering petrol. When they ask the kids to fetch you, go out sigh and say ‘what now?…no I can’t!’ Then walk away.

All you have to say is of course I can. Fee is £20 a mile.

I voted YABU, but only because you’ve put up with this for so long. Give these people an inch, and they’ll take a mile.

These people sound dreadful. Who pursues a pregnant women for non-essential favours? Put your foot down, lovely, and just say no. You shouldn't have to do this, but it might be necessary for your DH to tell them to leave his pregnant wife and family alone. Sometimes people like them only listen to a mn.

Seriously say no and slam the door closed in their face. If it’s them next time open the door and then slam it shut without saying anything.

Lose your temper. It's the only thing that will get through to these sponging freeloaders. Tell them to fuck right off.

I don’t understand why you and DH are being so passive? It’s so annoying, not endearing. You are prioritising these two random twats over your own children.

Don’t answer the door, don’t go out into the garden when they try to summon you.

Just say no.