Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

Stop being a wet lettuce and say no

Fuck being polite! They’re being impolite by refusing to take no for an answer. I’d have lost my temper with them long ago with their CF behaviour. Don’t say sorry, don’t give them a reason. “No I can’t. Stop asking, you’re taking the piss how. I’ve said no and that’s final”
It’ll take some balls but you’ll feel better after it I promise!!

They've taken you and your DH for mugs for long enough. You should never have done anything to help them, that's how these things start. Don't do anything for them ever again, don't give them made up excuses either. Tell them NO and to stop asking and also to never intrude on your privacy in your garden. How Dard they, never heard of this much cheeky fuckery from neighbours. They're taking the piss out of you both and you need to put a stop to it right away, make it clear no means no.

THIS.

Do NOT say, “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Instead, say, “No, I can’t.” That’s all that’s necessary. Keep eye contact and if they ask why, simply reply that “it’s personal.”
And keep saying no.
If they keep asking, they’re either CF or they’re incredibly dim.
Keep saying no.
And remember: they’re the rude ones, not you.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can

Therein lies the issue.

I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I'm often called 'a mug' on here, because I'll help people out without keeping count / am quite happy to give people lifts if I am going to the same place / don't keep count of favours BUT I'd have no qualms saying no in the first place to this.
If she missed the bus, then she needs to get a taxi.
If you've said "No, sorry, I can't" then she needs to resolve that with her bosses. It isn't your problem.
If there wee some medical emergency, that's different, but this isn't. This s adults who have chosen to live where there is clearly limited public transport when one of them doesn't drive, who then haven't allowed enough 'just in case' time to get to work. That is NOT a reason for a parent to drag 2 children out on a 30minute trip even once, let alone repeatedly.

Can you put a trellis or other fence extension on top of the fence? Given work's involved I would drop a letter in their mailbox to say they need to make other arrangements immediately as you and DH are no longer running errands or giving lifts including to work. They won't believe you and they will probably have to miss work or pay for taxis a few times to get the message, but you need to hold out against that. First time they knock open the door, say no and shut the door on them. Dont answer again that day no matter how much they knock or ring.

You can't get through this politely people like that don't GAF and will trample all over your polite boundaries. It may take them a while to get the message but unless you want to be back here again in a years time asking the same question, then you need to say no to anything they ask and hold that boundary.

The fact they haven't even offered petrol money is beyond CF and plain nasty. Of course they'll 'miss' the bus if you give them lifts, its cheaper for them, quicker and they dont care how much they're effecting you or your DH or your children. Say no and stick to it

Tell them to call a taxi.

They are cheeky fuckers and need telling firmly and with finality. I wouldn’t dream of banging on doors demanding lifts from people and I’m amazed you’ve let it go on so long. This is AIBU so theres no point tiptoeing: you need to grow a pair and stop letting them take the piss.

I’d say:

’Look - I think we need to have a bit of a chat about this. We’ve now given you lots of lifts and been to the shops for you loads of times. But we can’t do this any more for you.

You might not be aware but we both work shifts, I’m doing a degree, we have two children and a third on the way. We are incredibly busy with all kinds of things that you aren’t aware of. You’ve actually been disturbing our sleep and affecting my degree work when you’ve been banging on the door and asking me to drop what I’m doing to drive you about.

So, we won’t be giving you any more lifts or doing shop runs for you. You’ll need to make other plans.’

They sound fucking weird. Who asks their neighbours for lifts everywhere because neither is in a position to drive?!

Write them a letter from you and DH. Explain very clearly that your family has a legal right to PEACEFUL enjoyment of your own home and they need to realise that by offering them the occasional favour, they have taken the proverbial mile and begun to expect more and more from you. They are overstepping the normal neighbourly relationship by a long shot. Your family is becoming increasingly resentful of their entitlement and continual intrusion.

Explain that you are pregnant and tired enough running around after your own family. It is not just intrusive, but completely inappropriate for them to demand anything of your children, and any demands issued are to cease immediately. None of your family are their staff members.

Their transport/work situation their own responsibility to sort, not yours. They haven’t ever offered to contribute to the running costs of your vehicle or pay for your time. If they knock looking for a lift, you will only agree to it only if you are paid X amount (at least twice the going Uber rate) - up front.

Also state that they are to consider this letter a formal cease and desist and that you will consider continued intrusion harassment and treat it accordingly.

I would just keep ignoring them including when they keep coming. If it's unavoidable say tell them you're in no fit state to do it and that won't change anytime soon. Or that they need to make other arrangements. Or I'm really surprised you keep asking. I'm obviously in no fit state now I'm going in and walk off. And I'd it's your kids say please stop approaching my children it's making me very uncomfortable. Tell your children to walk over to you if they approach and not reply. They are total CFs and they are treating you like a soft touch

I voted yabu because you have been pandering to these ridiculous people! From now on it is NO SORRY I CAN’T HELP every single time, without hesitation, no more explanation needed. If they carry on trying to persuade you, do not say anything at all other than “no sorry I can’t help” followed by “I need to go” and shut the door. Repeat every time until they’ve got the message. It’s not being rude, they are the ones who are being rude with their unreasonable impositions.

They will literally HAVE to take no for an answer if you don't do it. They're being cheeky bastards.

Stop worrying about being polite to people who are being very rude to you.

"No."
"I said no. Don't knock again thanks."

"We want to enjoy our garden in peace, please don't do that."

"No. Find some other mug."

"Obviously not, I can't believe you'd ask!"

I wouldn’t answer, if they really knock I would say ‘sorry I’m pregnant, not well, not up to driving’ and repeat, every time.

Best setting the tone as when baby comes it’s also a no. Break the habit.

'They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.'

Jesus wept! It's a middle aged woman not Godzilla breathing fire through your letterbox!

Get a backbone and tell her to fuck off as you're not a ruddy taxi service and if she knocks your door again you will report her for harassment.

'sandra can I just stop you there, I can't help but notice that we have landed in the position of unpaid taxi service. I'm not sure how this has come about, but i want this stopped, as it's a lot now and not just the occasional favour. I'm afraid you're going to have to sort your own transport out from now on.

They will stop when you stop agreeing to help. Say you can't and grow some climbers up a trellis so they can't look over the fence.

Is this real ?
Why would you not just say no ?

Thank you for the replies. I was worried I would be told I’m not being ‘a nice neighbour’ due to the reason the driver can’t drive is due to health reasons (he isn’t so bad and doesn’t say boo to a goose- it’s her that’s the issue- the one who doesn’t drive).

I have bit my tongue with this neighbour a lot over the last year and I know if I lost my temper, it would create an awful atmosphere. I’ve been trying to keep the peace as if I’m honest the one who is so pushy isn’t a rational person. My husband cannot stand her and keeps away from her as he finds her rude, abrupt and pushy.

I think we shall look into something to put on the fence to give the message (I find it weird she puts her head constantly over the fence? My kids are sometimes running around in swimming costumes etc) and to approach a 5 year old to come get me, it’s not right.

I think I shall just get more forceful with her. I think you are right, I’ve been kind and it’s being taken advantage of. For heavens sake they are TWO grown up adults. I just never wanted to be a bi*ch.

I’m so tired and drained of it all. I never see them for dust unless she wants something or wants to moan.

Finally! A sensible, measured approach.

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness We are definitely going to do this! I even said to my husband I want to move at points as she does my head in. I used to love being in a swimming costume in the summer in the garden but feel like I can’t because she keeps coming over.

I don’t know but it makes me feel uneasy that she approaches my 5 year old in her garden? She runs around her garden in her swimming costume, at times naked and my neighbour is unfazed and will still talk to her?!?! I just find it wildly inappropriate. We don’t know her from anywhere and that’s our private space.

Thank you 🙏🏻

Go with this.

you have been a pushover to long.
trip to the shop tomorrow to get something for your fence, maybe spikes or anti vandal paint lol

Wow, some people are just nuts aren’t they.
Establish those boundaries and stick to them!
Unfortunately it will probably cause a bad atmosphere, but it’s very difficult to be reasonable with unreasonable people.

No - try X cabs
No - I am busy with the kids, working and uni - living my life not being your unpaid skivvy.
No
Also when the new baby is here - please don't be knocking/ringing the bell because if you wake him/her up when they are / I am sleeping I will really lose my shit.

I’ve never heard the likes of this! Crass doesn’t come close. The brass neck of these people thinking other people owe them🤷🏻‍♀️. I understand it won’t be easy, but until you give these bludgers a most definite no, there won’t be any end to their requests/demands!