Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

i mean…. Baby is the perfect excuse really.

’Sorry Deirdre, can’t I’m afraid. Baby’s about to nap/eat/sneeze/learn advanced astrophysics. Do you have the number for the mini cab in town?’

’Ahh that’s a pickle you’re in there Lorraine. I’m not much use either - what with my condition my doctor/midwife/acupuncturist/dog groomer has said I should only be driving for essential things. Hope you sort something…. Byeeeee’

Or just tell her she’s a cheeky fucker and ring for her own taxi.

You are being unreasonable to let it go on for so long. No is a full sentence.

Just say “I’d absolutely love to be able to help but I really can’t today”. Then keep repeating that until they get the picture. If they ask why you can’t help just tell them it’s personal.

You don’t need an excuse , you need a firm “no, I don’t want to do that.” This gives them no where to go. And stop answering the door. Let them knock, don’t answer. Get a ring door bell and tell them sorry not answering as I’m busy, bye.
you’ll have to be clear and firm as these people are awful.

If this is true you deserve whatever you're getting for being such a pushover.

I think saying ‘I can’t because x reason’ gives them an opening to find solutions so you can do them the favour.

I think it has to be along the lines of ‘what you are asking for is not reasonable, and I won’t be doing it’.

Oh and I hate driving. For this reason I won’t move somewhere without decent public transport.

You say she won't take no for an answer but also that she will come knocking 2 or 3 timed until you answer. So are you actually answering the door and saying 'no sorry' or are you ignoring the door and expecting her to be a mind reader. As if someone wasn't answering, they may assume you will at some point and try their luck.
If you want to say no just answer and say it.
'No sorry"
Don't say a reason or excuse and let her question why if she has the balls to.
And keep repeating no.
Regarding the garden either tell them no you won't do whatever it is they want or wear headphones and sun glasses to try to avoid contact.

Be firm and repeat.
Husband to do the same say no.
If they ask the children to get you, say sorry, mummy busy. Or face then and again say no.

Get the number of a local driving instructor and post it through her door. It's time she learned to drive if the driver in the house is out of action for a while.

I would print out Taxi company numbers, driving schools, Bus company timetable website, Uber web address, supermarket delivery services and elderly assistance helpline number.
Next time she knocks, shove it in her fist and slam the door.

No, Jackie. Here’s the number of a taxi firm. You’ll have to get your own transport sorted from now on. It’s not my job to chauffeur you around.

Love these replies, don't love your neighbours, cheeky sods!

All I can add is maybe a bit of emotional torture, "I can't believe you keep asking me when it's obvious what I'm up against"

Also, you shouldn't have to but could you fit a taller fence so they can't spk to you / your children

I'm guessing because of the night shifts that you are a nurse. Be very careful or these people will practically expect you to care for them more and more as they age and its not your responsibility.

I am surrounded on all sides by neighbours and not one of them has ever asked me to drive them anywhere in 20 years and some are elderly. Remember if you drive after coming off a night shift you are in danger of falling asleep at the wheel. My dsis is a nurse and her neighbour is so cheeky and demanding to her. Even now as she is getting older the women's grown up kids who live far away...and stay far away...call her to do stuff for their mom . It has gotten out of hand and began like you because she is trained to care for people. But these people are users and have no thought for you.
You will feel bad as its not your nature but direct is the only way to go with such cheeky neighbours. Do not feel guilty..they are out of order.

I had similar neighbours, except mine seemed incapable of having what they need in their home so would send their kids round weekly to ask to " borrow " something - I'm talking everything : cat food , milk, bread, herbs, every kind of vegetable, stationery, everything right down to toilet paper. Both parents home, both drive. Very obviously richer than me.
I said yes for 3 years to everything.
We no longer talk for a different reason, and amazingly they just drive to the shop now . When they have to sort themselves they do.
Just say no. They will end up peeved with you no matter what you do, so you may as well get it over and done with and save the hassle IME.

Proper CF's! Good luck, but put up those boundaries - they need to get taxis, shopping deliveries etc, not rely on a busy family to sort their problems out

Say you don't have the time or fuel.

Also tell them you don't want them knocking when the baby is here asking for lifts and disturbing you both otherwise you're going to have issues and that's the last thing you want to happen between neighbours. warning them.
you're serious and there will be trouble might make them rethink.

They are selfish freeloader cunts. Reject all feelings of guilt and instead remember what cunts they are. A useful reply is: not my problem. And mean it.

You are going to have to be equally direct, very clear in your expectations and firm. She has got used to her approach and communication tactics delivering what she wants and that's literally all she cares about. Also do not say, "Of course, if you have an emergency, we'd help, just say" because her definition of an emergency will be needing a lift to work or some such. The looking over your fence thing, tell her it's intrusive and unwelcome and she needs to stop before you turn it into a game involving your kids, high powered water guns and prizes.

She won't take any of it well but you can't expect her to.

I'd actually go completely ballistic at even one request like that. Can I drive my neighbour around as a free taxi service? Hmm let's see. Big fat no. fuck off with demanding that of you. Seriously, blow up at them if that's what it takes. Your time and space are yours. They have fuck all claim on anything. Claim your space.

Brilliant Home Theatre! That bit about the water-guns made me chortle!!

Knock on the door..
WHAT NOW? you shout grumpily
Can I ..
Let me stop you there Jane No ..Piss off I am busy, find someone else to organise your life for you ..BYE
Close the door
do this once in an aggressive manner you will not need to ever do it again.

You have the patience of a saint. I’m stunned by the audacity. My advice would be to disconnect from this unhealthy reliance by your neighbours as quickly as humanly possible. My first thought is that the non driver better start learning to drive ASAP. your responses:
"I’m sorry, I’m busy"
"I’ve got other commitments"
"I can’t at the moment"
"that’s not possible"
"you’ll have to fund someone else"
and of course "no"

"No. I can't".
No eye contact, no further words, just walk away like she's dismissed.
If they speak to the kids again then you do need to confront them and tell them in no uncertain terms that they will not bother your children in their own garden again. Also tell your kids not to pay them any attention because they are just being silly, and if they continue being silly then they should tell you so that you can put a stop to it. And do.
Why are people so batshit?!

This

Their behavior is way beyond unreasonable...

I'd have no issue helping someone if it was zero effort... Eg picking up an extra litre of milk WHILE you're shopping...

But they are asking you to waste your time and resources for their disorganisation... Presumably they had some way if getting to work before you were there??

My goodness this is an incredible imposition, I might ask someone for a lift once in an emergency if I couldn’t get. Taxi but to regularly do this is wild. And so cheeky given your situation. You seem way too nice. I’d get your DH to go around and so that you’re sorry but you won’t be able to help them anymore listing all of your responsibilities and to please stop bothering you both. It’s not rude. They’re rude.