To be shocked and embarrassed by my friends behaviour today

[bagpuss90]

Bumped into a friend today at the local Tesco’s . She was in a check out queue , I stopped to chat . There was a woman with a screaming baby in a sling and a screaming toddler in a trolley . The poor woman looked totally stressed out , she started to put her shopping on the check out conveyer belt (I’m not sure she realised my friend was in the queue) my friend snapped at her , told her she’d jumped the queue. The woman asked if my friend minded if she went first as she’d got two screaming children. My friend told her no and added she might have considered it if she hadn’t pushed in front . She then told the woman’s screaming toddler to shut up ! I might add my friend doesn't have kids and it would seem not much empathy either .

I have some stats that I feel should be talked about more often when people bleat on about this lack of empathy in childless women (ONS data)

1 on 5 children are abused nearly 70% of them by their parents (and of course some of the other abusers such as step parents and family friends may in fact also be parents)

So much for that "increased empathy and tolerance"...

@dimllaishebiaith

I am really sorry if you are going through a hard time or have had difficulties with fertility. I went through it for 10 years and had several major operations in order to reproduce so I do understand. I’m sorry if you are feeling sensitive and read me wrong or interpreted some sort of attack on all - I specifically said some people can behave in this manner due to their issues, not all, some.

I in no way meant to be offensive to anyone.

Just to try and understand what was going on for the OP’s friend to ascertain why she was behaving in the way she did.

your frıend ıs entıtled to her opınıon and behavıors as long as they are reasonable those wıth chıldren of any ages do not have a magıc 'pass key'

The woman was a CF ! Not sure why toddlers cant be made aware of the nuisance they are making.I wish i had the courage to tell them to do this!!

I think I'd stop digging at this point 🕳️

Once when it was christmas though, a child of about 5 DELIBERATELY rammed a trolley into the back of my ankles, and anyone who has experienced that knows how painful it is!
My DH quick as a flash told him (it was December) that the only thing Father Christmas would be bringing him was a smacked bottom. He absolutely yelled like a banshee!

Threatening violence. Lovely.....

To confirm @dimllaishebiaith

I am sorry if I put my point across badly.

To make this entirely about me as an example so as not to offend anyone else.

Whenever I was struggling with fertility problems I actively avoided pregnant women and those with small children, I felt traumatised and angry and due to this I doubt I had much empathy. More continual irritation, due to my own situation.

Whenever I had my DC and was dealing with screaming, sleep deprivation, endless poo, piss and vomit, my tolerance level and flexibility for dealing with children was absolutely stretched hugely from where it was prior to having children and I absolutely would have more empathy and ability to help a mother in need now than I would have had pre children.

Whenever I had kids I also had some relatives and friends behave passive aggressively, or who lessened/stopped contact.

Those are my points of reference and why I wondered what was going on for the OP’s friend.

It isn’t to say everyone would behave like me or some of my friends/relatives did without kids. But some do.

If the friend is having issues, perhaps the OP could be more forgiving of her behaviour and want to help her move past it into a healthier space.

I’m childless and could still understand the shredded nerves. Your friend should have let her go first and offered to hold the bambino! We are all in this together and none of us are getting out alive.

This child wasn't controlled by the parent at all.
Someone's choice to breed has impacted so many people here.

This was bloody hilarious! 😆

Ahhhh I see. You had less empathy before so you assume those around you without children have less empathy in the same way? A distinctly unempathetic view point really

It also relies on the assumption that everyone has the same levels of empathy in the first place....

Whenever I was struggling with fertility problems I actively avoided pregnant women and those with small children, I felt traumatised and angry and due to this I doubt I had much empathy

Avoiding situations that impact you due to your own personal circumstances is not a lack of empathy. Labelling people's behaviours that are about protecting their own personal health as unempathetic is very problematic.

my tolerance level and flexibility for dealing with children was absolutely stretched hugely from where it was prior to having children and I absolutely would have more empathy and ability to help a mother in need now than I would have had pre children.

But that's your tolerance and empathy. But as I have pointed out repeatedly some mothers abuse their children. When you refer to mothers as being more empathetic and tolerant than childless women, as two classes of people, you are effectively labelling childless women as less empathetic and tolerant than women who abuse their children.

And regardless of that 50% of teachers don't have children. Never mind childcare workers, nurses, midwives, speech therapists, child centre workers etc etc etc. There are millions of people who don't have children who are out there quietly helping mothers (and fathers) in need.

Whenever I had kids I also had some relatives and friends behave passive aggressively, or who lessened/stopped contact.

Maybe you made your feelings on childless people clear?

@oakleaffy

That kid is likely autistic, parent didn’t download the usual calming videos or whatever as probably one of the first flights with them.

No doubt it was awful for all.

But equally, at 3, for many families they generally don’t have a diagnosis nor sufficient experience/support to be able to troubleshoot every situation effectively.

If this is indeed a disabled child and a family without appropriate help it’s poor form to not have compassion.

To be clear, to criticise someone for having an autistic meltdown is like criticising someone for having a diabetic hypo or epileptic fit.

@dimllaishebiaith

Wishing you all the very best, have a lovely evening.

She would be my ex friend.

Urm thanks 🙄

Of course it is.

You sound awful. All your friend did was stand in a queue and expect to be served before someone behind her, as millions of us do every day. Even when your friend had pointed out to this selfish woman that she’d jumped the queue, she still wanted special treatment.

Well done to your friend for not pandering to this shit.

The child made news around the Western World.
At no time was any autism mentioned, just a poorly disciplined child whose parents made no attempt to restrain.

"Even noise cancellation headphones would not have drowned out this terror. Total lack of discipline... perhaps crew should have removed said child and parents for violating safety regulations."
Another person wrote: "If this started before the plane took off, the plane should have taxied back to the terminal and kicked the kid and his parents off. This kind of behaviour is just unacceptable." And another suggested: "Call an exorcist."

The friend wasn’t selfish - she was just first in the queue. It was the woman’s mistake.

Wouldn't you rather she did and then the crying kids would be gone quicker?

No, clearly not.

She would have laughed at you.

Afraid this can happen where people don’t have kids - they’ve never had their tolerance levels stretched and have no experience to be empathetic.

God, I hate this place.