To be shocked and embarrassed by my friends behaviour today

[bagpuss90]

Bumped into a friend today at the local Tesco’s . She was in a check out queue , I stopped to chat . There was a woman with a screaming baby in a sling and a screaming toddler in a trolley . The poor woman looked totally stressed out , she started to put her shopping on the check out conveyer belt (I’m not sure she realised my friend was in the queue) my friend snapped at her , told her she’d jumped the queue. The woman asked if my friend minded if she went first as she’d got two screaming children. My friend told her no and added she might have considered it if she hadn’t pushed in front . She then told the woman’s screaming toddler to shut up ! I might add my friend doesn't have kids and it would seem not much empathy either .

Our dad told a strange toddler “ Oh DO shut up!” At a supermarket in Richmond when we were kids-
It worked.

Toddler was in a 🛒 trolley.
It’s mother wasn’t nearby.

Did the toddler shut up?

That's not what you said though was it

You said people without children have never had their tolerance levels stretched and have no experience to be empathetic

Hence my point that people without children can have their own challenges, such as being carers or disabled etc

It strikes me as incredibly unempathetic not not realise that in the first place and to blithely post about their lack of tolerance and empathy

Of course some childless people who are rude or arseholes exist, just as some parents are rude or arseholes. Whether or not a woman is a nice person isn't dictated by whether she has given birth to a live baby or not, and judging women by that standard is never going to help women.

That's awful behaviour and I'd worry worse could have happened

I wouldn't be friends with her anymore and the people defending any part of her behaviour on here are twats of the highest order

Just because your dad thinks it's ok to talk to children behaving age-appropriately as if they are scum doesn't mean it's actually ok. Of course it worked. An unknown man acted aggressively, I think most things "work" when tried by an aggressive man. Doesn't make it right.

I think you need to have a real good look at yourself and I would thank you for leaving me be now you really don’t understand how you have made me feel in an earlier post I said it was my opinion……

Child free women aren’t hated!
They are to be admired for not inflicting their hellspawn on the rest of us - flights, shops, cafés , supermarkets- well behaved children are rare these days.

She actually sounds like a terrible person you don’t need to have had children to feel sympathy towards a mum with little ones and just be kind

@Justkeeepswimming you do realise the total irony of what you've written re empathy?

OK @bagpuss90 I'm sorry for laughing at you and your kiddies blunder. The thing is she had children, but lots of people have something. Maybe they're grieving for not being able to have kids. Maybe they're grieving in the traditional sense.
Yes, it would've been nice for your friend to let them through, but parenthood is just one mitigating stressful factor.
Yelling at a toddler - or anyone - is poor form but an emotion usually born from frustration.
Tell her how you feel.
And parents PLEASE don't assume you have the monopoly on tiredness or love or empathy. I wouldn't say "you don't know tiredness until XXX" because it's unkind.

Now I am off to Lidl to shout at some babies.

It wasn’t said aggressively- just “ Oh DO shut up!”

The kid reined In it’s squalling .

It’s mother clearly couldn’t be bothered.

Yes and when a parent wasn't nearby. Poor kid

It was upset and some randomer told it off. Probably terrified the poor thing.

I agree. She didn't have to say yes but there was no justification for her behaviour

@dimllaishebiaith

Please reread what I said, I have added emboldenment and extra emphasis on what I was saying:

“Afraid this can happen where people don’t have kids - they’ve never had their tolerance levels stretched - relative to children - and have no experience - of children - to be empathetic.”

If you haven’t lived with a newborn and young children in the house with you it’s absolutely impossible to envisage how exhausting and draining dealing with that situation is.

I have been a carer and am disabled so I’m not about to ever shit on that group of people. I also posted in a later post about my friends and family without kids who have always been lovely.

I’m sorry, but there are a group of women, who either because they are having/had issues with having kids, just plain hate them, or are too staid in their ways with limited flexibility, do behave in an utterly poisonous manner to women who are pregnant or have children.

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It's true, my tolerance is totally intact. Virgin tolerance you may say.

As for empathy, none whatsoever. In fact, not having children has made me a massive narcissist.

However going by the quoted post, having children makes you incredibly silly 🤣

Edited cos I don't want a row from Mumsnet ☺️

But asserting that childless women are void of empathy is a-ok? Just checking. Because that's happening a lot.

🤔 Strange!

Yep I read it. It is still one of the most unempathetic things I've read.

If you haven’t lived with a newborn and young children in the house with you it’s absolutely impossible to envisage how exhausting and draining dealing with that situation is.

If you haven't lived with MS it's difficult to envisage how exhausting and draining dealing with that situation is. If you haven't lived with trigeminal neuralgia it's difficult to envisage how exhausting and draining dealing with the situation is. If you haven't lived with endometriosis it's difficult to envisage how exhausting and draining that situation is. If you haven't lived with someone with dementia, getting up multiple times in the night to deal with them etc it's difficult to imagine how exhausting and draining that situation is. It's hardly confined to parenthood.

I have been a carer and am disabled so I’m not about to ever shit on that group of people.

And yet you did.

I’m sorry, but there are a group of women, who either because they are having/had issues with having kids, just plain hate them, or are too staid in their ways with limited flexibility, do behave in an utterly poisonous manner to women who are pregnant or have children.

But not men right? Because you can be a childless man and your behaviour won't be judged on that standard. But if you are a childless woman...

There are also people who having had children also hate them, deal with them with limited flexibility and can be nasty to people who are pregnant or have children. Hell there are parents who beat, abuse, rape and kill their children, but none are so poisonous as the childless woman right?

@dimllaishebiaith

We are talking about a woman who behaved badly in this thread, hence my comment referred to women. Of course men can behave badly too.

Relative to your list of ailments - I have a few of them and have cared for others with them - and I can categorically state that people by and large absolutely do not have much understanding or ability to truly empathise unless they have the condition themselves or are a carer or close family member of said person. This is why support groups, forums and specialised support services and charities exist to support people properly. You need to live it to get it.

I didn’t realise that female fertility was linked to empathy and tolerance. Could you please provide a link to the scientific studies that prove this, seeing as you are quoting it as fact.
Are childless men also devoid of all sympathetic emotions as well, or is it just women that you wish to demonise due to their failure to reproduce?

We are talking about a woman who behaved badly in this thread, hence my comment referred to women. Of course men can behave badly too.

No the OP was talking about a woman behaving badly, you decided to expand that to women who are infertile and childless

I can categorically state that people by and large absolutely do not have much understanding or ability to truly empathise unless they have the condition themselves or are a carer or close family member of said person

Like people with children can't truly understand or empathise with those who cannot have children. Hence why some of them can apparently make some very unempathetic posts about infertile and childless women and all of their many many faults

@feelingalittlehorse

I realise MN ladies like a good fight and I don’t wish to get drawn in.

Please note I said ‘this can happen where people don’t have kids’
ie can happen with some and with people would indicate male and female…

Not demonising anyone.

I had a number of negative experiences with family and friends when I had kids because of their lack of experience/inclination/other issues.

And I raised this as a possible motivating factor for the OP’s friends bad behaviour, as it is a possibility that may underlie it and give more understanding of why what happened happened.

Equally well I had friends and family without kids who were and are marvellous, but I did find more support and empathy from others who were going through the same experience or had gone through it (as per my health experiences).