my attitude on this 1st date?

[ricollete]

Matched with this man on the app and after about a week of back and forth messages, it seemed like a good fit so we went for happy hour yesterday.

One hour or so into the date and on our second drink - the topic came up and I told him I have been single in 3 years - he asked questions and yes, single as in not seeing anyone / no dates / one night stands, nothing

He asked why and I gave him my reasons

Then he asked:
’but what do you do for sex?’

I looked at him (I must have looked surprised) then in a very calm and collected manner, grabbed my bag and my coat and walked out - then blocked his number.

My friend thinks I was OTT but really?
I saw it as a huge red flag - a stranger has no business asking me this within 1 hour of getting to know me.

Anyway even if I was OTT, it gave me the ick instantly so I did not want to be there and waste more energy saying anything really.

BTW - I’m not religious or have strong views on how people should conduct their sexual lives.

But that question, from a man to a woman, one hour into a first date?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I think it shows lack of judgement, because it's a very direct question to ask someone you've just met, and is highly likely to be badly received. It isn't an unimportant subject - sex is obviously highly relevant to dating, and being well-matched sexually - but this is not a good moment or way to broach the subject.

You want to be with a man who has good judgement.

Ergo, you are better off without him.

Personally I wouldn't have just upped and left, I'd have said something like, I think that's a very direct question and it makes me feel uncomfortable... To see what he said. But maybe you are avoidant about confrontation, and I can see that with so little to lose in this encounter - you don't even know him - there's a valid question of how much energy to expend on him.

Exactly. I don't behave in this way not because I'm a doormat or a people pleaser, but because it's unnecessary and I'm not into bringing drama to my life I don't need.

If that's the worst thing to happen during OLD, you've been lucky 🙂

Because one or a few good dates with interesting men doesn’t equal compatibility and commitment?

People can go on good dates and have fun and still not be right for each other for a myriad of big and small reasons.

Does this really need explaining?

Odd behaviour from you OP, you're not the same one who thought the invitation to meet a dates friend was a request for a threesome?

I’ve done OLD for years and been on many dates, “what do you do for sex?” Is an incredibly intrusive question, very innapropiate for a first date. However… if you told the guy you haven’t had sex in 3 years (I dunno if you did tell him or not), that would be way too much information, so it’s a massive 🚩🚩🚩. Sounds like there were red flags on both camps.

😂

is there no part of that you feel is ott?

not saying at least ‘bye’ maybe…

Seems a little dramatic to walk out like that

The assumptions about OP here are horrible. Her happy past relationships are in her head, she must be miserable, she must have past trauma... or, maybe her boundaries stop at questions which only have one obvious answer and she didn't feel the need to sit through a date just to be polite? We've seen that some people would happily talk about their sex toys or pretend to laugh about it, fine, I (and many others) also wouldn't want to tell a stranger anything this personal. I don't know how I'd react as been with DP many years now, but I think OP's reaction was just fine. Why assassinate her character in defence of a random man who probably just felt surprised when she didn't put up with it and likely went to ask the next woman, hoping she'd stick around?

I would have told him to “fuck off” before walking out.

Wow. How unusual in terms of not understanding social etiquette. Do you often do things people think are off? Like highly sensitive and react poorly?

or do you have deep shame surrounding masterbation and his question panicked you, you didn’t know how to answer, so just left?

Going from the first post, he pried to find out if OP meant single and abstinent, or whether that meant she'd had any one night stands, etc.

What? Why would he ask the next woman. The question only arose as she was telling him she hadn’t had a single date in 3 years.

Ah
Maybe that is what I’m missing 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Thank you!

Do you really discuss your masturbation habits on first dates? 🤔

(I guess the dating world has changed a lot since I deleted the app 🤣)

Sure you would.

Huh? As said earlier I’d have responded with none of your business. Please pose your Pervy questions elsewhere.

I said something along those lines - it wasn't even a date, we met on a common interest group. He kept turning the conversation around to relationships (don't mind that), then sex (do mind that) so I was sweary then blocked him.

Good on you op, I wish I’d had the bottle to do this. Few years ago I meet a man as soon as I walked in he grabbed me, trying to kiss me. I stupidly stuck it out for an hour before I had the guts to tell him it was too much and walk out

By all means leave a date when you want, for whatever reason you want.

But very dramatic flouncing on your part. I’m not sure you should be dating if some shit flirting triggers you this quickly. Bit weird.

Again, a first date asking how many times 'you got laid in the last 3 years' is incredibly intrusive and he sounds like a creep. If a man on a first date told me he had been single 3 years I would get the message and move forward with the conversation, I would never dare to ask him: "but how 'single' exactly were you? did that included one night stands? have you gotten laid in 3 years?". The man would be rightly so to stand up and walk out thinking I'm a little creep.

You’re my hero, OP. Brava xxx

@SaladIsShitAndWeAllKnowIt it's not 'shit flirting', it's voyeuristic and boundary pushing.

So you would respond with: "none of your business" to a guy who asked you about your masturbation habits on a first date and continue entertaining him? Wow. I believe you need to get some solid boundaries before you continue dating, you don't want to end on the news headlines or the next channel 4 documentary.