Or dh expecting normal service

[Whatevenishapprning]

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

You seek medical attention if you can't get a temp down . Not jump for the phone at the view of a number. There's a fair bit of common sense involved. Although 40 is my number. I wouldn't be alarmed at 39.

OP your husband is a selfish dick. You've done it all on your own, what's the point of him? I'd be telling the fucker not to come back me out of pure fury.

I hope the bairn has a kip so you can.

He sounds like a really poor father/husband. It is really difficult to care for a sick child and not get any sleep and still function. Have you got other support that you could ask for today? Your parents etc? If not a sofa day for you both and let everything else go - take away tonight, messy house is fine, you’re in survival mode. Link in with GP if you’re worried.
when little one is better and you’ve had some sleep, have a think about if this is a marriage that is bringing you joy or detracting from it. Hopefully this is a once off but if it’s representative of his behaviour, he sounds truly horrible.

I'm also not a medical professional but the fact that the temperature spike came out of nowhere and your son is tossing and turning a lot, would lead me to think that he has somehow developed either an ear infection or tonsillitis. You should try to get him checked by someone over the next couple of days so that the temperature issue is actually resolved so that you can get some sleep and then you'll be in a much better situation to tackle the issue of your deplorable husband.

Do you have anyone you can ask to mind the children while you sleep? If you lived near me I'd come and collect you all. Your husband is a selfish pig.

You have my sympathy OP, it can be very rough when the DC are not well especially when they are not well. Can you have a nap with the DC during the day? Mine used to nap during the day when they were not well and I would nap with them on my bed. Also don't worry about cleaning, make quick easy meals and have lots of cuddles until your DS is better.

The football specifically, I wouldn’t say is a problem. The refusing to help all the other time he’s been off work and you’ve been needing help is a major problem. He sounds like a useless insensitive prick.

Re my previous post, I know it's not 1950, people don't like to hear this....football t*at etc. (I agree).
However, in my time (yes, in my time), there really wasn't any other choice.
No, most women weren't on drugs.
Sometimes, if the woman didn't just "suck it up", it simply didn't get done.
Lots of abuse from husbands, too.
Thing is, probably out of anxiety of these ladies, it all got done.
I wasn't one of them.

If he spoke to me like that I'd have told him not to come back. What a nasty pathetic useless cunt.

Ah OP I’d just try to have a really early night. Can you go to bed after you’ve put the kids down and just leave the house mess for tomorrow?

This is where your anger should have started really. Not this morning at football but at his indifference to helping during the week. Not acceptable. Myself and DP would take turns at the very least when illness runs over consecutive nights. He just refused?!!

Yanbu! Any sort of commitment outside of work needs to be lowered with kids under 5.

if he can’t be flexible he needs to resign

How important to him is this football. If it is very important YABU, but I understand the reasons why.

My DH can be very committed and it would be difficult to get him not to do something unless it was very extenuating circas, however, he would never ever speak to me like that and if he did we'd be done. I have two daughters, no way would that be my model of behaviour for them.

The problem is not the football. He has made a commitment to that, and I understand that he wants to keep it. Fair enough.

The problem is that he hasn't pulled his weight over the last four days, including on his two days off, which is why you're now exhausted.

If he had done more when he was able to do more, then there would have been no issue with him keeping his commitment today.

He is therefore BU but the question is, what are you going to do about it?

The mum is exhausted would be why

Never said I had it shit. I have it really good, thank you, now and previously.

OP posted to ask for opinions. Mine is she's overreacting and being a drama queen. That's it.

My response would be the same if a man was whinging.

You have yourself a lovely day 😊

That was his parting shot? Oh wow. I’m so sorry OP but he’s a selfish arse.

He doesn’t want to let his mates down but he’s ok with letting you and his child down.

Quite the drip feed.

My middle child has SEN. The wider issues are something you need to address with your DH.

You asked about him missing football because you're sleep deprived.

My response is based on that.

I hope you manage some rest.

your DH has seen how desperate you are and he’s said ‘I’m going’?!!
Thats really not ok….
Do you have any family close by who could help you get some rest? Not that you should have to BTW

Why why why why why
did you wait for him to offer?!
He wasn't working so he should have been doing his share of nights and daytime childcare so you could get some sleep.

Sounds as if he treats you as the default parent and he can do what he wants.

The only thing I'd be doing is filing for divorce after that tbh.
WHAT is the use of him? He's actively making OPs life harder.

What an arsehole.
Is he generally like this or does he have redeeming features?!

We weren't martyrs. Just didn't have time to whinge.

Text him every 5 minutes with updates.

You sound like a mean and horrible person. I hope you're a troll because knowing there are people as deliberately mean and spiteful as you is really sad.