To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

[StoppingTheClassDueToDetention]

DD is 9, Year 5 but at a middle school so it’s more like a secondary school than a primary.

If a child gets 2 lunchtime detentions in a half term, the 3rd detention is after school on a Thursday and a meeting with the parents and form tutor is held.

DD got her 3rd Detention so had to do it after school last night. Meeting for me was today.

School urge parents to backup the detention by taking away out of school activities, phones or other rewards and the form tutor urged me to do this.

DD does 3 activities out of school and I am taking away 2 of them; one is tomorrow and the other Monday after school.

The other one I am reluctant to take away, she has a medical condition that causes pain. Her pain levels are much lower and she’s less likely to need painkillers which cause their own issues (constipation, more exhausted so unable to get through the day and do her normal activities etc) if she does this activity. It’s a physical activity, for this thread we’ll say its Yoga but it’s not that but works in a similar way.

When DD doesn’t do yoga due to her teacher being off or her being ill there is noticeable differences in her pain levels and ability to get through the day without pain killers, it affects her school work because she is more tired due to the painkillers so I’m being called to pick her up etc. Basically unless the teacher is off or she’s ill, she goes to Yoga, I plan holidays around it and try and find classes where we stay if we’re going to be away over the normal class it's that important to keep her doing it and exercising as she just cannot function or be a normal 9yo without.

I told DDs form tutor I would stop the other 2 activities, taken away her phone for the weekend and if she carries on will remove her from the Easter Concert for her Choir activity that she’s been practising for all half term both during Choir sessions and also in the shower every single morning before school. She is really excited to be in this concert as she missed out at Christmas due to the concert time falling during her dads weekend so she didn’t even audition (I use that term loosely, literally anyone who auditions gets a place, it’s just to see whether you get a solo or do chorus/duet etc instead). I will also not let her go to the café after Yoga which is our usual ritual every week.

Her form tutor urged me to rething taking Yoga away as there is a social aspect to it. But the class is 30 mins with little time to chat during it and I can hurry her in and out before and after. Teacher is aware of her medical issues but as she's only been at the school less than a year and they've not seen the effects of her not going I don't think they realise how much it's needed.

I don't agree with punishing her to the point of pain either, that just seems counterproductive and borderline cruel to me.

So AIBU to not stop Yoga?

Absolutely not, how dare they suggest any of these sanctions for such minor things. A detention should be enough. The fact that they know there is a medical issue and still want you to ban yoga is sadistic. I would support the detention (reluctantly) - they could whistle for anything further. This level of punishment could backfire and bite them on the bum if you child ends up off sick or rebelling/resenting school.

Those are all ridiculous reasons for a detention. Then you are considering further punishment.

Child cruelty

Fuck that shit. The school sounds miserable and seems to want to make home miserable. Don’t let them take away from it being a happy place. The sound deluded. Christ I’d be moving her in heart beat. No child is going to flourish mentally in that place.

Wow, what happened to the detention being the punishment? You're definitely not being unreasonable. Unless it was for something serious like bullying, I wouldn't take away any of her activities!

Edit: I've seen the update...for basic forgetfulness I think even the detention is harsh for a nine year old!

I am so law abiding it hurts but I say tell school to FUCK OFF

Don't take her out of choir either. It can also help with pain management and is educational, team building and beneficial in all sorts of ways.

If school phoned me and told me my 9 year old was in detention for not wearing a pin badge, I would laugh my socks off, followed by ”you better be joking, don’t waste my time on this crap”

I work in a PRU where we have actual things to worry about and I can assure you none of my kids got here by repeatedly not wearing pin badges.

Unless the reason she didn’t have the pin badge on is because she took it off to stab the headmaster in the eye…

FFS, I attended a school in the Soviet times, and even our teachers didn't do such shit to us. It sounds worse than a dictatorship.

YABU for even considering giving them any say in how DD spends her time outside school.

I would move her. Frankly, the school sounds bonkers.

The chokey, presumably.

Unless the bottle she was drinking from contained meat vodka, this is utterly batshit. I wouldn't be imposing any further punishment at all. I'd tell her to do the detention and then just keep her head down for a bit.

They gave her a detention for having a drink?
And for putting a badge in the wrong place?
Honestly I'm surprised any child would want to go to a school like that. They must be anxious!

This has to be a joke right?

You take nothing away from her OP. Nothing. Seriously dude.

Jesus H Christ! For those 'crimes' I wouldn't be punishing my child at all. She's just behaving like the young kid she is!

In what workplace would you be deprived of a sip of water if you were thirsty and you had a water bottle to hand?

Way over the top punishments. And we wonder why kids are not wanting to go into school in their droves!

My child would not be at that school. It’s draconian.
and I’d never deny my child physical activity as a punishment. What’s next, denial of food?

I thought that you were going to say that she'd hit someone or back chatted a teacher or something.

I’d write to school governors about policies like this. Wrong at yr 7+ very very wrong at yr 5. What punishment is left for real bad behaviour if petty little nothings are treated as problems meriting a detention?

Jeez these are very minor infractions to be giving detentions for 🙄 I don't understand why you would need to add in punishment at home, surely having to do the detention is the punishment? I wouldn't be cancelling any of her activities or removing her phone. But to be honest I don't think I'd send my child to a school with such ridiculous rules!

As a provider of an out of school activity... I hate it when we get used as a punishment

It's great we are a fun thing but often we need consistency, we need to know who to expect and missing sessions makes it hard.

I'd imagine her choir leader feeling the same if they knew they were a threat too

I would be looking for a different school.

that is extreme and the detentions are not warranted. She is a child learning to organise herself.

I say this as a teacher of 25 years and a headteacher for 12 of those.

the detention is the punishment. That’s it. Done. Not anything else unless you decide as her parent.

Giving Year 5 detentions for drinking water is shocking.

I bet I could have a good guess at the group of schools.

this isn’t education to me.

And having seen what she did... I'd be doing nothing outside of school to punish her anyway!!

Another one who wouldn't stop any activities. The detentions are the punishment. I'm happy to tell my child off if they deserve it, but I'm not going to prolong the punishment. Increasingly nowadays schools give detentions for incredibly trivial things, which is all the more reason to leave it there.

I wouldn't support my child's school in detentions for these reasons in any year. They are petty and ridiculous. So no, I wouldn't do anything other than make sure my child knew I didn't agree with it.

Is this a state school? I would probably have told them what I thought about it at the meeting.

She's 9....what on earth has she done to get all those detentions? Personally, I believe that
children need to learn that bad behaviour has consequences, but they also deserve the chance to move on from their mistakes.....she's done her detention, surely that's enough?

FFS. This is ridiculous. There is no way I would endorse any extra punishment for that load of unimportant trivia. I would be asking serious questions about why children can't rehydrate between lessons, and what difference it makes to learning to wear a stupid pin in a specific place.

This