Not to pander to his tiredness / jet lag

[FizzyStream]

I'm preparing to be flamed here. DH is due home in an hour. He's been in Las Vegas for work. Left on Monday morning.

He's been going on and on about the time difference and how tired he is. I get it. It's 8 hours behind and a lot of travelling.

Meanwhile I've been at home with two primary age kids getting on with usual daily life, work, housework etc.

Am I really being unreasonable to expect a bit of recognition that I might also be tired and not to give any time to his "poor me"'routine. He's already said he'll be "not much use" and "shattered" all weekend which I'm sure he will be. I know jet lag can be horrendous particularly from east to west.

I'm just not looking forward to the Dressing Gown of Doom coming out all weekend when essentially he's not had to do much but sit in a plane for ages, go out for nice meals and sit in a couple of conferences.

It doesn't help that we've got FIL staying this weekend. He arrived this afternoon and has been saying things like "you'll need to be aware how tired he'll be" and "he'll need a lot of rest this weekend".

Oh I couldn't stand that. Jet lag is easily adjusted by organising his sleep pattern on the flight home. Why is his dad stopping, apart from to be the cheerleader for dh's pity party?

YANBU. I routinely do night shifts and survive. No dressing gown of doom. No “l will be no use”. Oh and l have toddler twins. Your husband (and FIL!) sound dramatic and performative to me.

Do not run around after FIL. Why is he coming after you have held the fort all week and your husband is “shattered”

Oh my goodness we have the exact same situation here although a different part of the USA and a disabled child thrown into the mix. Yanbu to expect some recognition. It's exhausting, although I must confess the house has been cleaner and tidier with DH gone...

How on earth have you managed not to tell FIL to bog off home if he’s so worried about how exhausted your DH will be.

If he's not going to be up to much why is fil visiting?

Thanks all. Feeling less of a bitch already!

FIL is here to take eldest to his footy match tomorrow because youngest (with adhd I might add) has a birthday party which I'll be taking him to and of course DH will be "too tried" to take eldest to football.

Sigh. I feel like he's been prepping me for this all week so he can check out of helping this weekend. He's just banged on and on "I'm so confused, I don't know what time it is" etc.
I snapped at him the other day and said it's not hard, just add eight hours and that's what time it is here! Bloody hell!

"hey kids, go play with daddy" on repeat <mean>

Best cure for jetlag is to push through and get straight into your normal routine in the new time zone.

Why on earth is FIL there? I'd be tempted to say briskly, 'Glad you are here, Ronald. You can help out by taking Paul and Chloe out for the morning on Saturday so that poor DH can catch up on his sleep. I have an appointment'.

Then I'd go drink coffee (or gin) and read a magazine in a coffee shop somewhere and have peace for several hours.

I'd expect DH to be up and raring to go, entertaining both his father and his children on Sunday after his rest on Saturday.

Same here.
I've worked a full week, looked after the kids singled hand, had a kitchen flood and nearly got my head bitten off for daring to say I was tired.
Could be a long weekend

This is very tempting.

He's just sent me a message saying the train is late and "I'm used to being tired now".
I replied - so am I.

This is the second post tonight where a man pulling his weight has been referred to as helping

Ah. Cross posted. Footy.

I'd still be reminding the pair of them that Sunday is Mother's Day so you can't wait to have a lie in and be spoilt...

Jesus he sounds wet ! And very unsexy indeed. Change the bedsheets in the morning so he can’t lie in bed all day and make up some excuse why you have have to leave him and FIL with the kids. Maybe you have terrible toothache and have to go to the emergency dentist ?

but fuck him. I used to work with someone who would go to The US, stay on UK time and just work as normal all the way through.

your DH is a weedy wet

I'm not surprised your pissed off OP, what a lot of performance from him.

DH regularly travels to the US for work. He typically travels back on an overnight redeye flight and struggles to sleep because he is pretty tall and the bastard company won't pay for anything other than economy. Gets home around 10am and crashes out for two or three hours and then is straight back in to family life. His sleep is probably a bit off kilter for a few days but he powers through doesn't draw attention to it.

I used to do a lot of long distance flying. I found the best way was to ignore the time distance and just carry on. I know some people seemed to find this impossible, but best for me. If it was midnight there when I arrived it was midnight and I did appropriately, if it was midday likewise.

Ah ha! Forgot about that. Good call I'll have my ear plugs in on Saturday night and not hear the kids wake up at 6am

I've just managed to get the kids calm and he'll come in with a half ton of Jolly Ranchers so they'll be climbing the walls until midnight.

I've left FIL downstairs since I made him dinner and tidied up then loaded, ran and unloaded the dishwasher. Guess I know where DH gets his attitude towards women from.

I remember MIL telling me she once left them all (DH, his bother and FIL) for three weeks and went to stay with family in South Africa when she was sick of being a dogsbody. Obvs the message didn't sink in.

Whats he normally like?

I've done lots of long haul flights and have never been out of action for 48 hours. I've definitely been unable to keep my eyes open and needed a nap for a few hours but that's it. He needs to pull himself together! If he's tired when he comes back let him have a nap, then he needs to just get on with it.

This is what I told him to do. His reply "I'll just have to do my best"

Could see the Dressing Gown of Doom lurking on the horizon from that moment on.........

To be fair he is usually fine and does a reasonable share but he definitely does not appreciate the amount of effort that goes into being the default parent.

I went away once for two nights and he got his mum to come and help him!

I've been solo parenting for 2-4 nights at a time since DS was about 2 years old. Including when I had DS2 aged 3 weeks old along with DS1 at 3yo. Had a panic attack that time and ended up on medication. He knows all this.

I didn't understand jet lag till I had it. Honestly it's awful. I can't remember which direction was worse but I don't think she and I could function for a couple of days. Best thing is keep awake till normal bedtime but it's a massive killer..kinda put me off flying as worse than a new born. Just my experience..

Let him have a bit of a lie in tomorrow (if you are feeling kind) and then back to normal....no more sympathy for the Jet lag!

jet lag is horrible, no denying, but powering through is the only way. I used to live in HK and do a lot of work on india. I’d get the red eye back on a Friday night and land in HK at 7am after 3 hrs plane sleep and I’d just have to get on with it. I’d actually try to be out the whole day with the dc and then just have a reasonably early night.

It's just so bloody tedious having a man in your life. I'm so over "what's for tea", "have I got a clean shirt". Fucking look and then you'll know.

My nurture gene has well and truly left the building.