Not to pander to his tiredness / jet lag

[FizzyStream]

I'm preparing to be flamed here. DH is due home in an hour. He's been in Las Vegas for work. Left on Monday morning.

He's been going on and on about the time difference and how tired he is. I get it. It's 8 hours behind and a lot of travelling.

Meanwhile I've been at home with two primary age kids getting on with usual daily life, work, housework etc.

Am I really being unreasonable to expect a bit of recognition that I might also be tired and not to give any time to his "poor me"'routine. He's already said he'll be "not much use" and "shattered" all weekend which I'm sure he will be. I know jet lag can be horrendous particularly from east to west.

I'm just not looking forward to the Dressing Gown of Doom coming out all weekend when essentially he's not had to do much but sit in a plane for ages, go out for nice meals and sit in a couple of conferences.

It doesn't help that we've got FIL staying this weekend. He arrived this afternoon and has been saying things like "you'll need to be aware how tired he'll be" and "he'll need a lot of rest this weekend".

The thing that annoys me is something that isn't really an issue here and now but I know 100% he would go to work if it was a workday tomorrow.

He gets to come home, take it easy until a normal bedtime, shower and stay in bed, sleeping as long as he wants.

Minute he gets up, refreshed, he’s fair game. He doesn’t need the whole weekend to parent.

I think your problem is its tedious having a useless man child in your life!

These men do it if they think they get to opt out of parenting and participating in a relationship.

I dont think ive ever been asked whats for tea or where my DHs shirt is, because he is an adult and more than capable of figuring those things out for himself.

OP I cant see how anyone is seen as being an active parent when they cant solo parent for 2 bloody days, thats ridiculous getting his Mum in. Sounds like he is desperately in need of more practice, perhaps next weekend is the perfect time for you to opt out of parenting, or is it only him where parenting and household tasks are optional?

I suffer terribly with jet lag. If it was the other way round, I'd expect some leeway.

Going against the grain but I don’t really get this combative stuff. Why not just say “I can imagine. I’m tired too from looking after the kids- let’s take it easy together and get an early night”. Just express how you’re feeling rather than being cross that hes tired after a work trip, a long flight and jet lag.

This was my plan and I'll stick to it. I don't want him wallowing around all weekend. He isn't ill. But as pp have said jet leg is horrid and I have no experience of it hence this post. My period has just started too so I could be feeling extra mean at the moment so thought I'd ask the general consensus. I don't want to be an absolute cow but also I want it to be noted that I've not had an easy week either.

I have primary ages kids and my husband travels for work, as do I sometimes. Just in the UK for me usually.

I have to say I actually find the travelling much more tiring than looking after kids. Travelling physically tires me out, as does being 'on' all the time on business trips, nights out when I'd rather be asleep etc. I didn't appreciate how knackering it was until I did it.

I don't just bow out of family life when I get home, but it does take its toll on me more than I expected. I used to resent my husband when he travelled but unless the kids are quite sick or something, being at home in a normal routine is easier in my opinion (and that's without jet lag)

This is what I was thinking! Some of the comments seem quite rude and like people would be spoiling for a fight in this situation.

Surely agreeing you're both knackered and best way is to try and divide and conquer?

Jet lag is a bitch! Id imagine so is being the default parent. You've both had to be "on" all week, so both just need to be understanding of each other and just help each other - surely that's part and parcel of being in a relationship.

Agree with this. Giving in to the jet lag just makes it last longer.

I don't suppose the Dressing Gown of Doom could accidentally be in the washing machine on a long wash, could it?

I don't remember having particularly bad jet lag coming back from LV. I know it was an exhausting journey though.

But would I rather be a bit jet lagged and have chilled on a plane for several hours or look after children by myself? Definitely the plane!!

Damn it too late. He's just got back!

i travel a lot for work and jet lag is a bitch. i could handle it in my thirties but now it wipes me out each way for a week, and that's with having to get up early every day for a days work so having a routine straight away. i don't think i can do it for many more years, it really feels like it takes time off your lifespan. one of my friends is a long haul pilot and he says he can't cope with it much longer either, he's going to switch to short haul. anyone who works shifts has my sympathy, our pineal gland wasn't designed for such messing around with our circadian rhythms.

@op

I'd be furious if he wound the children up and fed them crap when he got in.

It can throw out your body clock as eight hours is a big time difference. Anything over five hours can be hard to deal with. It’s not the length of the flight, it’s the location times.

When I travel from NYC to the Middle East, it can mess me up for days but that’s a 12 hour difference.

He doesn’t need to sit in a dressing gown all weekend but he’ll probably want to sleep later. He just needs to make up for it when he is awake.

I find it hard to believe that men essentially run the world…

I used to do a very similar route several times a year. Jetlag is a different kind of disorientation than ordinary tiredness. That said, assuming he's only been for a few days it shouldn't be too bad. Does your gym have a sauna for members? Jump-starts the organism and cuts through that cotton wool feeling up there.

I'm not at all spoiling for a fight. I've only made it clear that he's not got the monopoly on feeling tired. I'm not a stone cold bitch and I will be understanding but there is a limit.

You are right in that he doesn’t have a monopoly. That needs to be made clear, for sure.

I dont read that OP is cross that he’s tired/jet lagged. More frustrated at the lack of understanding that they too have had a tiring week & don’t get to opt out of parenting this weekend 🤷🏼‍♀️

Get that bloody dressing gown hidden! Put it under the vacuum cleaner.

Make sure you spend a lot of time out of the house. Cannot believe his father has shown up to tell you how to look after his precious son. Knob!

Ermmm, I've never ever managed to get a wink of sleep on any flight, short or long haul regardless of time day so no its definitely not easy to adjust sleep pattern!

Although he's going to have to man up and push through.

That's exactly it @Ohmy88
We get on fine and there is no animosity I just got a bit pissed off at the constant eluding to his tiredness while he was away and also the preparing me for how tired he'll be over the weekend when I know full well if he was working tomorrow he wouldn't hesitate to go in as normal.

What a wet blanket. Yes it's awful, but why is he acting so pathetic?

What's he like normally, OP?

I travel a lot for work, and did a fair bit when the kids were primary.

I definitely pulled my weight in general, so when I was jet lagged , DH didn't mind letting me sleep,

Is your DH usually a hands on person?