Not to pander to his tiredness / jet lag

[FizzyStream]

I'm preparing to be flamed here. DH is due home in an hour. He's been in Las Vegas for work. Left on Monday morning.

He's been going on and on about the time difference and how tired he is. I get it. It's 8 hours behind and a lot of travelling.

Meanwhile I've been at home with two primary age kids getting on with usual daily life, work, housework etc.

Am I really being unreasonable to expect a bit of recognition that I might also be tired and not to give any time to his "poor me"'routine. He's already said he'll be "not much use" and "shattered" all weekend which I'm sure he will be. I know jet lag can be horrendous particularly from east to west.

I'm just not looking forward to the Dressing Gown of Doom coming out all weekend when essentially he's not had to do much but sit in a plane for ages, go out for nice meals and sit in a couple of conferences.

It doesn't help that we've got FIL staying this weekend. He arrived this afternoon and has been saying things like "you'll need to be aware how tired he'll be" and "he'll need a lot of rest this weekend".

I sympathise OP. It’s the laying of the groundwork for how shattered he’s going to be and then bloody FIL weighing in as well - infuriating!

Jet lag is not cured by lounging around indoors all weekend ‘resting’. You need to get back to normal asap. Outdoors in the daylight and fresh air, some light exercise and a normalish bedtime. I can’t believe he’s brought in help to take your DC to football, he really does sound quite pathetic. We live in Australia and the last time we flew in from London we landed at 6am after 24 hr travelling and DH and DS were at DS’s cricket game by 8.30.

Ive always done this as well. Just adjusted to wherever I was. More often than not I didnt have the luxury of being jet lagged, as I had to hit the ground running, with work.

Coming back, if I was on a red eye, I would allow myself a short mid afternoon nap, but with a strict alarm, and that was because sleeping on planes is hard for me, so it equated to a badly slept night. 2h nap at lunch time, and then stay up until bedtime. Right as rain the next day!

Err this. I’ve done lots of shift work: sunlight and fresh air are helpful. Flopping around in a dressing gown are not

There are people on Mumsnet who get their lives thrown out of kilter for a week twice a year when the clocks change, so I'd cut him a day's slack. Vegas is a long flight and plane sleep is not restful.

Jet lag is horrific it makes me feel so ill. That doesn't mean that you're not entitled to feel tired too. But its so different

book-then send-2 primary age kids-+grandad t go at cinema- (satdy tea time?ish)then book em table at pizza express. If you sleep-you both sleep-anythin else...is your business. moaning wont change it.you know that!

I hear you. But I did the 3xact same trip 2 weeks ago and I slept for 8 hours Saturday afternoon/evening. LV and 10hr flight back is fking exhausting. I was out of it until the Monday - as usual, do the trip every year.

I had four kids 5 and under and I'd feel really wiped out at times but I still found it better than jet lag. At least at home I could sleep in my own bed. We used to live in LA so I travelled to and from the UK a lot. I'd feel physically sick with jet lag and that was travelling business or first. I generally can't sleep at all on planes. I find West to East flights worse that East to West.
I did everything right but it just seemed to affect me badly. My husband did lots and lots of international flights and didn't seem half as badly bothered by it. He would obviously be tired but he was ok.

Are you able to afford any additional childcare? Might that help with things?

Let me guess, FIL offered to come pick the kids up for the weekend, give you all a break???

''I'm used to being tired now".

^

This is so deeply unattractive and childish

OP havnt you suddenly come down with the flu and need to stay in bed all weekend?

I am flying back (economy) from Sydney on Saturday and DH has just informed me I need to go straight from Heathrow out to a lunch!

Making a big fuss about jet lag is boring.

I'd definitely want a lay in Sunday and I'd probably go out for a bit leaving them to it. A bit of me time.

I think YABU. I do very intense business trips and sometimes I come back completely shattered. Once after a very intense NY trip (working 12-14hr days) I was completely passed out on a Saturday, and didn’t manage to get out of bed for ages. My DH didn’t complain or whine - and we have no family help.
It’s not just jet lag it’s being exhausted from work too. I have smaller kids and yours are primary age so a weekend shouldn’t be too hard. Plus you have FIL to help too.

i know both sides btw, I am often alone 3-6 nights too as my DH travels for work. If your DH normally pulls his weight, I would be more kind and understanding. I suspect half the postets here have never traveled long haul for work (jet lag after a holiday is very different!)

Yes exactly

I’m invested OP. I need to know what happens today.
I think FIL is going to hinder rather than help @Sonora25 and I think OP has said she will let DH sleep as long as he wants this morning.

Presumably he has work Monday, so he will need to pull himself together by then. It’s his dad that’s staying with them so he should be present by this afternoon surely. Let’s hope she comes back to update.

Think he probably is not used to business trips abroad and now feels a bit special and wants attention

Not the US, and bigger kids, but DH arrived back yesterday evening (with 2kg of chocolate) having left on Sunday lunchtime.

I went to bed at 9! I'm taking the kids out this morning, and will leave DH alone. However he's been warned that there isn't enough food in the house, so he's going to have to pop to tesco to pick up stuff for lunch and dinner today. He'll get the majority of the morning to re-group, then it's business as normal.

He can sit in his dressing gown on the sofa and read or watch disney films with the kids.

Let him sleep from the flight, but once he makes an appearance say great, this is the first opportunity I've had for time to myself in weeks, you two blokes will be just fine won't you, see you in 3 hours. Ta ra kids and make a swift exit before anyone can object. Literally have your grab-bag and shoes ready to go by the front door!

As tempting as it may be to go upstairs and sleep, I guarantee you won't get any if you stay in the house... either he'll come to bed and hrumph about being tired, or the kids will come in every 30 seconds.

Not getting the hate for FIL. Surely he came to take ur ds to football as neither you nor your dh could? What a bastard ... And he also talks to his son.... Shoot him now....

I do wonder if people on here actually love the people they have chosen to share their lives with. There is sometimes such disdain and dislike in posts.
Perhaps fil has said something because he is used to you being inconsiderate towards his son?

While Fil takes the children to football can you go back to bed with your dh and have a cuddle and another hour's sleep?

Don’t forget it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow OP. Breakfast in bed and, of course, you’ll be expected to be waited on hand and foot with an amazing Las Vegas present 😜 🎁

I've been doing the US and vegas for years for work.

I'm also a lone parent.

He doesn't get to check out because of jet lag. We just manage it.

I know on mumsnet everyone despises competitive tiredness but when I was at my worst with insomnia and I was having hallucinations I could still walk around and feed myself. Even went to work. Didn't drive though.
My gp is a bit old school and was not sympathetic, probably she was knackered as well. I did have the good drugs though for a week. My point is that you can push through. If humans couldn't cope with sleeplessness we would have died out.
Can we have an update op?

How deeply unattractive. He’s a bit tired, just like you. Wallowing won’t make it any better. Don’t pander to him. Business as usual and fair split of jobs from this morning. You weren’t put on earth to facilitate his career and leisure time!