Not to pander to his tiredness / jet lag

[FizzyStream]

I'm preparing to be flamed here. DH is due home in an hour. He's been in Las Vegas for work. Left on Monday morning.

He's been going on and on about the time difference and how tired he is. I get it. It's 8 hours behind and a lot of travelling.

Meanwhile I've been at home with two primary age kids getting on with usual daily life, work, housework etc.

Am I really being unreasonable to expect a bit of recognition that I might also be tired and not to give any time to his "poor me"'routine. He's already said he'll be "not much use" and "shattered" all weekend which I'm sure he will be. I know jet lag can be horrendous particularly from east to west.

I'm just not looking forward to the Dressing Gown of Doom coming out all weekend when essentially he's not had to do much but sit in a plane for ages, go out for nice meals and sit in a couple of conferences.

It doesn't help that we've got FIL staying this weekend. He arrived this afternoon and has been saying things like "you'll need to be aware how tired he'll be" and "he'll need a lot of rest this weekend".

I was going to say YABU because jet lag from that side of the US truly can be a killer, and looking after your own children for a few days won't pack the same punch.

However he should have put off his father's visit and he should be 100% responsible for entertaining and catering for him, tired or not.

I would tell him that next time he decides to give the kids sweets before bed, he will be responsible for getting them to bed.

Yes jet lag can be a killer, but tough shit, doesn’t mean he gets free pass when it comes to family life and he certainly needs to get a grip and not constantly go on about being tired.

And I’d be putting FIL straight about that too.

I would 100% choose a week of solo parenting any time over a long haul business trip in premium economy that involves long hours incl socialising with work. It’s tough and knackering. And yes I have done both plenty of times.

you come across sneery and dismissive OP, don’t you work as a team?

Op - you work full time and yet is the default parent??

How come?

No wonder you're pissed off.

Just meet him halfway. Let him rest for a bit then get him to pull his weight (which hopefully he will be ready to do anyway after he is refreshed). Causing trouble is just going to make things worse.

Arrhh thanks WhizzWoman. I have fought the insomnia off, for now. We are at a score draw at the moment. So many people suffer with sleeping problems. I'm glad I stumbled on an Internet sleep specialist whose stuff is available for free.

@FizzyStream WHO invited FIL to stay for the weekend if he wasnt needed for anything apart from getting under your feet?? why was he invited??

I think OP has answered this in one of her posts.

FIL was there to take one child to a football match because the DH would be "too tired" while OP took the other child to a different event. As it worked out the DH decided to go to football anyway to went with FIL to the football match -amazing how some DH's can perk right up if it's something they want to do 😉

So so many comments like this. I understand both flying for work AND having a child with ADHD. I hate jet lag, the best description is that your body is there but your soul is still catching up. HOWEVER, I also understand solo parenting a small child with ADHD.

OP is also tired and not constantly moaning about being so to her DH. The fact that he pre-moaned a lot while not acknowledging that she was doing some extra work too is the issue.

When I used to have to leave my small Tasmanian Devil with DH for a week at a time to travel for week, I didn't whine or expect special treatment when I got back. I would go straight from a 70 hour week work and jet lag to parenting. Because DD and DH needed me to.

Thankfully, it sounds like the OP's DH has done that, just whined beforehand. Good for him.

The fact that he pre-moaned a lot

If I were of a suspicious mind I might wonder if this was him fending off early any notion he thought OP might harbour of handing over the kids to him the moment he walked in...

I am a seasoned traveler but suffer horrendously with jet lag, but mine is west to east. Doesn’t matter when I sleep, I still wake up at 6am in the time of my originating country.

Some of you are a bit unkind. Would you judge a woman so harshly too? I also tell my DH when I am tired on business trips (and he does too) and we know the other person at home is also tired. That’s not “premoaning” 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

I have also needed a weekend day in bed after very bad jet lag and didn’t do it to avoid my children. I felt very bad and thankfully my DH was kind and understanding.

Why doesn’t he just wait to get back and see how he feels first. Who knows, he might have a great flight and sleep all the way - that’s the bit I struggle with.

DH came back from a week's holiday in the far east on Tuesday night. Was fine to wfh Wednesday, Thursday and go to the office and out after work on Friday, albeit all with plane sniffles and a martyred expression. This morning pulled on the hoodie of horror - "the jetlag has finally caught up with me". Guessing no lie-in for me tomorrow.

@FizzyStream maybe play him at his own game sometime. Send endless texts to warn him that you're going to be on your period next week and you're going to be extra tired and extra cranky

Don’t tar us all with the same choice just because you’ve made shit choices in the past 😆

Choose better and you’ll do better.