AIBU to think you don't give bacardi to 12 year olds?

[TalkingInTheKitchenAtParties]

AIBU to think that you don't give bacardi to 12 year olds? Their grandmother thinks that it is perfectly normal to do this and that it is completely acceptable and normal for her generation to do.

We visited my parents house at the weekend for lunch. Whilst I was feeding my youngest in a different room my mother decided to give my 12 year old the equivalent of 3 shots of neat bacardi (both my eldest daughters were in the room and I have since asked them separately to show me how much was in the glass). My 12 year old hadn't asked for it and wasn't even aware of what she was drinking.

As soon as I found out I went to talk to my mother who found it funny, claimed that she couldn't see that there was an issue, said I was over reacting, that it's a completely normal thing for her generation to do, laughing and rolling her eyes at me and not letting me speak. We ended up leaving. Our leaving was met by my mother shouting, storming off and slamming doors. My eldest was frightened by her grandmothers behaviour. I remained calm throughout, tbh i think I was in shock at what had happened. I have not heard from either my mother or father since Saturday. Whenever there is a falling out it is up to me to apologise regardless of who is at fault. I will not be apologising this time. This is different. This is my child she has hurt. I cannot see how I can ever trust her to look after my children again if she sees it as perfectly normal to give my child alcohol behind my back. Surely this isn't normal grandparent behaviour as she claims!

of course it’s not normal! How utterly bizarre that your DM thinks it is!

"This is my child she has hurt."

For the sake of clarity, please explain how she was hurt. Emotionally? Did the situation stress her out? Physically? Did she fall over, start vomiting etc.?

Ofcourse it's not normal, did your mother do this to you when you were growing up? Its very odd to just decide to give a 12 year old a glass of bacardi. I wouldn't be going again.

Mothers used to rub whisky on the gums of teething babies but I think it’s right that it’s a practice left in the past.

Your mother may have let you drink as a 12 year old but it’s fucked up not to tell your dd that the drink was alcohol. 12 is too young imho but my kids were allowed the very occasional drink by 15/16.

How old are you and your mum?
Im in my 40s and my friends and I started drinking at 15/16ish.

Granny is out of order. But presumably your DD didn’t drink much of it, since it would taste disgusting!

Your title is different from what actually happened because I was ready to say yabu. It's not what everyone would do but yeah it is within the realms of normality to give like a small glass of prosecco or something to a 12yo on a special occasion like christmas dinner or someones birthday...
However 3 neat shots of bacardi to a 12 yo on a random day and when they hadn't even asked for it and didn't know they were drinking it... is utterly mental.
So no YANBU here.
It would be wrong to give alcohol to an adult even, if they hadn't asked for it and weren't aware they were drinking it. It's beyond grim to do that to a child. Amd 3 shots is a ridiculous amount to give a 12yo even if they were aware of it.

Really weird behaviour imo.

Your mum is creepy.

Really weird behaviour! You definitely don't need to apologise!!

I would have been annoyed even if it was a bacardi breezer tbh! Especially without asking first or explaining to your child.

Hope they are all okay x

it is within the realms of normality to give like a small glass of prosecco or something to a 12yo on a special occasion like christmas dinner or someones birthday... However 3 neat shots of bacardi to a 12 yo on a random day and when they hadn't even asked for it and didn't know they were drinking it... is utterly mental

Yes agreed. I guess if you were at a party or gathering you might give your 12 year old a sip of bacardi & coke or something if they asked to try it. You wouldn't just pour them 3 neat shots on a random day!! That is mental!

My daughter was hurt/upset that she was given something to drink that she knows she would not be allowed, she feels tricked and embarrassed as she did not know what she was drinking and it was given to her by someone she thought she could trust. She felt sick as I suppose most people would after downing that much alcohol on an empty stomach particularly if you've never drank alcohol before.

I'm surprised she downed three shot of neat Bacardi to be honest, it doesn't taste particularly nice.

But yes, I wouldn't trust her to care for the kids a d what she didn't isn't appropriate.

Totally out of order. How old is she? Yes, my generation was definitely given alcohol too young but it was more a glass of wine at dinner, a proper shandy on a Sunday afternoon, an alcopop at Xmas. Not 3 shots of "proper' alcohol.

I'm in my 40s, my mother in her 70s. I started drinking at 15/16 too. I expect my children will be the same. But I would have liked to have had a chat about drinking in moderation and started letting her have a bit of wine with meals on special occasions rather than going straight in with shots!

That's crazy behaviour. Was she drunk herself? Does she usually do weird stuff like this? I'd be keeping my distance after that, and definitely wouldn't leave the kids alone with her.

Of course YANBU, although I think you know that already.

WHY are your kids round this vile sounding woman....sounds like she has got in your head over the years and thinks she can treat you how she likes.I'm guessing she wasn't a very good mother to you either.

Think of it like this- if it was you who had done this as your child's parent and someone else witnessed it, that would definitely warrant them making a safeguarding referral to social services....
It is seriously inappropriate behaviour- she is still a child.

An odd sip of an adult's drink at that age (which others seem to be talking about) is still not ideal but very different to your scenario.

I am also wondering why your daughter drunk it....I would be suprised at a child that age not finding it disgusting and it would have been very strong...did she feel pressured/forced by the grandmother into doing it?

You need to cut yourselves off from this woman..she scares your kids and disrespects you, and has clearly shown no remorse or understanding of how wrong what she did was (not that that makes it ok in the first place, but still)
She is not safe to be around your kids and is a poor excuse for both a mother and a grandmother.

Your DD managed to drink 3 shots of rum straight???
or is it Bacardi breezer?

It's not normal for people of her age to give rum to children. Her reaction to your objection is also way over the top.

It sounds like the angry reaction is normal for her? I wouldn't want my children exposed to that kind of behaviour on any level.

I remember once having Babycham when I was about 10, the problem that caused was that my Aunt could never, ever understand why I didn't drink it for the rest of her life.

Are you sure your mum is well?

because that is beyond the realms of normal behaviour for most adults especially if she never has acted like this before.

Are you sure it was neat Bacardi? I would be under the table after that much alcohol.

Having grown up in continental Europe, a glass of wine (watered down depending on age) with a meal was pretty normal, it taught you from an early age how much is safe to drink. But 3 shots of Bacardi? That's crazy.

Your mother is mental

You don't give anyone any alcohol without them knowing what they are drinking. She has done the equivalent of spiking your child's drink as she could have easily poisoned them.

I've given kids drinks in the past from 12 onwards but their parents know, other adults present know and the kid is fully aware what of they are drinking.

Are you sure it was neat rum and not a breezer??

Three shots of neat white rum and I, a 32 year old who likes a drink, would be being sick or on the floor

That's terrible and I wouldn't be letting my children near her unsupervised.

It’s the way it was done that’s not OK. Sounds off. I used to have a bit of brandy out of my tea cup on Christmas Day with some fruit cake. From primary age. I don’t see that as a problem.