AIBU to think you don't give bacardi to 12 year olds?

[TalkingInTheKitchenAtParties]

AIBU to think that you don't give bacardi to 12 year olds? Their grandmother thinks that it is perfectly normal to do this and that it is completely acceptable and normal for her generation to do.

We visited my parents house at the weekend for lunch. Whilst I was feeding my youngest in a different room my mother decided to give my 12 year old the equivalent of 3 shots of neat bacardi (both my eldest daughters were in the room and I have since asked them separately to show me how much was in the glass). My 12 year old hadn't asked for it and wasn't even aware of what she was drinking.

As soon as I found out I went to talk to my mother who found it funny, claimed that she couldn't see that there was an issue, said I was over reacting, that it's a completely normal thing for her generation to do, laughing and rolling her eyes at me and not letting me speak. We ended up leaving. Our leaving was met by my mother shouting, storming off and slamming doors. My eldest was frightened by her grandmothers behaviour. I remained calm throughout, tbh i think I was in shock at what had happened. I have not heard from either my mother or father since Saturday. Whenever there is a falling out it is up to me to apologise regardless of who is at fault. I will not be apologising this time. This is different. This is my child she has hurt. I cannot see how I can ever trust her to look after my children again if she sees it as perfectly normal to give my child alcohol behind my back. Surely this isn't normal grandparent behaviour as she claims!

Oh come on, you can smell the alcohol a mile off and she knows she's not allowed to have that 😁

Plus her older sisters were there, are they saying they've also never heard the word Bacardi?

She shouldn't have given it to her and I would be annoyed about that.

But no way would my DC be getting off scott-free either lol.

You took my props the wrong way, I’m not giving big whoop to handling, I meant as in props to not throwing it back up immediately because I would have!

I'm a grandmother. It's absolutely not completely normal and never has been. She sounds unhinged. Is she an alcoholic?

Of course it's not normal! I can't believe 5% have put yabu (I wonder if they've hit the wrong button!).

What??
No it's NOT within the realms of normality to give a 12 year old 'a small glass of prosecco or something on a special occasion '.
This absolutely is not ok!
I would consider it a safeguarding issue, and I work in safeguarding!

This is completely bizarre - at 12/13 I was offered a Bacardi breezer at Xmas but not given neat booze without warning!

I think the OP meant it was 3 shots worth in one glass, rather than 3 individual shots

Yanbu to feel betrayed at her actions with regards to the alcohol.

It is understandable your daughter feels very upset by the whole incident as the way your mother behaved is completely unreasonable. Excusing her actions as a joke, causing a scene when challenged, not apologising nor taking responsibility for herself - these are not the behaviours of a mature, emotionally healthy adult. If this is usual for her then you might consider researching narcissism and emotional abuse. If she has treated you like this fot a long time I am very sorry. The problem lies with her, you owe her no apology, and you need to keep yourself and your children safe from her emotionally abusive patterns of behavior.

It’s not at all normal to give a 12 year old that.
Shes not safe around your 12 year old if she thinks that’s ok, especially as she was tricked into drinking it. That in effect amounts to her Grandmother spiking her drink.

You gave your 13 year old enough to have a hangover??

I don’t think it’s necessarily a safeguarding issue for a 12/13 yo to try a small amount of alcohol when supervised by sensible parents. That’s about the age I was when I was allowed to try a bit of wine, a babycham or one alcopop at Xmas when they came out. Absolutely shouldn’t be a regular occurrence or unsupervised but by 14/15 a lot of teenagers will be drinking at parties and I would rather the first time they try it be under my control.

OP’s situation is, of course, ridiculous and should not have happened. 3 shots of Bacardi is not the same as “can I try a sip of your prosecco, mum.”

Your comprehension skills here were very poor. Take a minute to try to understand before you get attack another poster.

OP was not "justifying" giving spirits to her daughter. From the start, it's been clear that she is horrified. She was explaining how this happened. Explaining isn't justifying.

Have you actually read what I've written? In no way have I excused my daughter been given bacardi by my mother. I was replying the the poster who was saying she couldn't understand how she would have gone back for more shots - it wasn't shots, it was in a glass that she gulped down before realising. But yeah thanks for telling me I shouldn't have children. How could I have handled it better given that I wasn't there when it happened?

It's not ok and I would be completely furious with my mother if she did something like this.

And I can believe a 12 year old can down Bacardi in a couple of gulps and then feel ill but not seem drunk. Your poor DD!

What are you going to do? I'd be playing hell with my parents and they wouldnt be going near my children again unsupervised until they acknowledged what they had done was stupid and harmful and apologised profusely to both me and my daughters.

Bacardi is horrible!

Has the gran never heard of Havana Club?

3 shots of neat Bacardi would hit the eject button on most adults there is no way your 12yo kid drank that much and styled it out.

She shouldn't have given her any though, if that's what happened

But it’s not a safe guarding issue because it’s perfectly legal.

But would she know what alcohol smells like? Maybe I'm being naive, I don't know. We don't have spirits in the house. I don't drink (I have an 18 month old who co sleeps so no alcohol for me since I was pregnant). Also she didn't see the bottle of bacardi.

Is this the first bizarre thing your mother has done, or one in a sequence? The reason I ask is my mother’s behaviour has gotten more and more unlike her in her mid 70s, emotional outbursts, slamming doors, talking out loud as if to herself, monologues of how unfair life is, and some strange decisions I can’t really imagine her making when she was my mother. My dad just thinks it’s old age, I’m worried about dementia.

Read properly and then apologise to the OP for your poor comprehension skills and ridiculous OTT rudeness.

I am furious. There has been no apology. It was twisted into my fault for over reacting. I haven't heard from either of my parents since it happened. I know I'll be expected to apologise for leaving and hurting my mothers feelings. That won't be happening. I don't know when or indeed if I'll hear from them. I certainly won't be leaving my children unsupervised with my mother again. I just can't believe she'd do that and then brush it off as me overreacting.

I've wondered about dementia. I would like to speak to my Dad, but he won't be allowed to speak to me, she listens on the upstairs phone. Unfortunately the shouting and slamming doors is perfectly normal behaviour for her if anyone questions her or has a different opinion.

It’s not possible that a 12 year-old drank three shots worth of white rum without batting an eyelid. She would have been visibly, noticeably inebriated, unsteady, and likely slurring. It also would have burned going down.

Either it wasn’t rum or she only had a sip. Or it was a drop of rum and the rest was water. I wouldn’t be impressed by the grandmother or the older girl, to be honest. Do they have form for dumb pranks?

Christ, please tell me you're winding us up about 'safeguarding'?

It's a small glass of Prosseco on a special occasion, not a line of coke.

This^