To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

His entitled to nothing.

if your mum and dad were lived together your dad would have an argument for cohabitation in which case your mums money could’ve ended up with your dad and paid for his care for however long required.

thing is, it wasn’t your mums money.

your gran died and it went to her remaining living relative, you.

you said your parents were wasters, had your mum been alive would there really have been anything left or would she have cleared your dads debts, paid for both their care for however long and perhaps blown the rest?

from reading your post and replies, your brother is in the same financial position he would’ve been had your mum passed a reasonable amount of time after your gran.

he had little to no relationship with your gran and your gran didn’t see him as family but she clearly saw you and I presume your children as family?

I’d lock some of it in savings for your children to access when they reach an age you deem appropriate and enjoy the rest.

Your brothers love comes with a price tag and that’s not love, it’s manipulation.

If your mother’s estate came from her own parents, then it is nothing to do with your half brother. He set the precedent by keeping his inheritance from his mother.

The fact is that SHE didn’t inherit. Of course it’s up to you if you want to give your half brother a share, but you do not have to take him into account as your late mother cannot stipulate what happens to money that was never actually hers.

Did the grandparents who the inheritance came from have any kind of relationship with your half brother? I would let that be more of a guide to your decision.

Quite. More to the point, the mother never actually had the money as she died before inheriting it. She should not have (if she really did) promised the step brother money that she didn’t have.

Thanks everyone for your replies and opinions. Just to update I told my half brother he wouldn't get half. It didn't go down well, time will tell if our relationship survives but I feel good having finally taken a stand.
I will keep half and share the rest between my kids and HB 10% each.

Well done. You’ve treated your brother as equal with your children which is very generous. He had no right, you had no obligation and yet chose to be generous.

You can’t control how he responds- but that is his choice.
Obviously depending on his behaviour next, you can also choose whether you still want a relationship with him. You aren’t obliged.

If he’s not thankful to you then why give him 10% of your mother’s money? It’s money that should go to you and your kids.

A very good decision. Well done you!
You've been more than fair. Hopefully in time he will come to recognise this.
Do not dream of feeling any guilt.
Thank you for coming back to update the thread. It's quite a rare thing in my experience.

Well done OP.

It's more than I would give him but well done for taking a stand over this. More than fair.

Well done, op. If he becomes abusive, don't give him a single £. You literally don't owe him anything.

Fantastic update.

Don't give him 10%. He isn't related to your grandma (and this money belonged to her) and he's angry that you won't give him more money. Keep half and then give the other half to your children.

No it’s not. OP has been bullied into giving 10% of her GM’s money to someone unrelated to her purely because she doesn’t have the strength to stand up to him.

Yeah, I have to agree.

Your poor children.

Op if he's still angry at the more than generous 10% then give him nothing.

Does he even know how much money you have inherited? You know you can still lie on what the whole sum is, ie 10% of £200k is a whole lot less than 10% of £300k.

Same.

And now the ungrateful cunt wants more and more and more of the money that has literally nothing to do with him.

I agree. I certainly would not be telling him how much the estate is worth (and keep it from your kids for now too).

As you have committed to 10%, I would make it 10% of the remaining balance after you have taken yours or 10% of a certain account. Down the track from now, if you feel inclined to assist him further, then do so.

BTW I think he has treated you horribly and didn't share his inheritance with you to begin with.

@Outthedoor24 there's no benefit in @Anonymouslyasking lying about the amount. Anyone who knows the relative's name and year of death can buy a copy of the will and probate record for £1.50 online from the government.

It must be a whole lot more than £2-300,000. The OP said half of it would be life changing and could buy a nice house outright.

I’m not sure I agree with this. The OP always wanted to give her HB something, the issue was being pressured into giving more than she wanted to.

Sometimes we want to do right by the people in our lives, and ‘doing right’ might not be about what someone is legally entitled to or even what they deserve but doing something to help them and that you can feel with a good conscience is fair. This what I got from OPs posts.

The OP and her HB have clearly had a troubled childhood and relationship and she’s gifted him a sum that she personally feels is right, a sum that is not conditional on his good behaviour, and after this hopefully she will feel secure in her decision no matter the outcome for their relationship.

And she HAS stood up to him! He wanted much much more. Well done OP.

This is true. But the principle is the same. She can let him think he's getting 10% but 10% of what?

Op still needs to remember he gave her 0% of what his mum / Grandparents left him.

I think she'll hand the money over and not see him for dust. You can't buy friends or family.

I shouldn’t have used the term doing right because that implies a right and a wrong and that the OP is obligated in some way, which I don’t believe.

I just meant that relationships are complex and sometimes we want to help those in our lives even when they might not have deserved it.

Obviously 10% is very generous, as you are not obliged to give him anything. Your relationship with your HB is important to you and you believe sharing your inheritance will satisfy him, I really hope you're right. No matter how much the amount is, and I imagine even 10% is a decent amount, you're being very kind - don't let him tell you otherwise!