To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

It sounds simple enough but there’s potentially more complexity here. My husband hopes that his stepmother leaves him some inheritance. She isn’t his Mum, married my husband’s father in later life. Why should she leave anything to my husband?
The answer is because when my husband’s mother died his father was her sole beneficiary. Then he died leaving all his money and the house to his new wife. She has her own children who will potentially inherit everything that is left from people with whom they had no real relationship and my husband may get nothing.

YANBU if those were your mums wishes then she could have written a Will stating this or at least told you, she didn’t so you don’t owe him anything

Then stop it! You are not your mum. You did not harm him. You inherited nothing from your mum. You inherited from your gran. He has no claim to any inheritance.

And that is fair enough in your case.
Here the OP has been left the money by her maternal grandmother. Her mother died before the maternal grandmother. This money is not from the OP's father-who is still alive. The grandmother's money went straight to the OP, her direct descendant, as the OP's mother is already dead. The half brother had no relationship with his half sister's maternal grandmother and hadn't bothered with his step mum for over 20 years.
So an entirely different scenario from your husband. I hope your husband's stepmother does consider him.

Absolutely not, and he’s using you. You give him anything and you’ll never see him again. It’s yours and your children’s. Cut him off.

Someone who we are very close to went through exactly this. The SM wouldn’t even give her father’s wedding ring (to her mum) back to her.

It took a huge amount of arguing to even get her family photos.

the woman has long gone to other relationships and our friend received nothing of her fathers/mothers estate. He told us he had a new will drawn up after his 2nd marriage, (it was probably a hand drawn one) yet it never surfaced.

However in the original posters case, this is money from her grandparents. Her mum didn’t live to inherit from them, so it went to their granddaughter. It’s nothing to do with the step brother who had received inheritance from his maternal side (which had nothing to do with the poster in reverse).

It's probably been suggested already but he's your half brother and you wrote "He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share." and I think that is key.

He got inheritance from a parent and he didn't have to share it. Did you ask for a slice of that pie or not? If not, then you simply say "Brother, when you got inheritance from your mother when she passed, I did not ask for a piece of that inheritance. I think you're being very unkind now asking me to do something that you didn't do. Please leave it now as it's driving a wedge between us and I really don't want that. The answer is NO, I will not be sharing my inheritance with you".

Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Don't give him ANY!!!!!

@Anonymouslyasking - Can I suggest that as you clearly want to give him something from your inheritance, that 10% would be sufficient. Then, when he works his way through that, you can give him another 10% but in 1% increments to a total of 20% of your inheritance.

Rather than give him the 20% in one go, which he is probably unlikely to invest or use wisely, you can decide when enough is enough here if you give it to him in smaller chunks. Also don't mention to him that this is what you're thinking of doing. He doesn't appreciate the offer of 25% - well reduce that to 10% and let him see that you were being very generous with the initial offer and stick to 10% for as long as you can.

Like everyone else, say sorry but her wishes were in her will..

How close are you? If my husband and I have anything of value to leave behind then all of our children will benefit equally, including my stepson. He has been a part of my life since he was 18 months old and I wouldn't dream of treating him differently, regardless of any inheritance his own mother may leave him.
You know your family dynamics best and should know if their relationship warrants him benefiting.

Legally, it seems clear that your brother has no legal claim. HOWEVER, I understand your moral dilemma. Had the deaths of your DM and DGM been reversed, with your DGM dying a few months earlier prior to your mum, your father would have inherited; the wealth would have passed from DGM to DM, then to DF. As DF is still alive, your brother could have reasonably expect to inherit 50% on his death, in the absence of any wills to the contrary. This isn’t what happened though…

I suppose your brother anticipated that he would receive 50% of your father’s estate on his death and nobody considered what the outcome would be if your DM pre-deceased your DGM. Yet the maternal family wealth was discussed (allegedly) and possibly expected to filter down to both of you? But, possibly not. Your parent’s wishes could have changed dramatically after 20 years of no contact.

Certainly your mum expressed her wish to you that you should inherit the family wealth alone. When and what wishes were expressed to your brother is uncertain, despite what he claims now. Unfortunately, nobody recorded their actual intentions in a will and you are left picking up the pieces.

His mother’s inheritance is irrelevant, as his mother and father were not together at the time of her death (unless they were still legally married?) It is different to your current position, because your father (who you might inherit from) did not inherit SB’s mother’s estate.

Give him half if you wish, but don’t expect this to preserve your relationship.

You are vulnerable now, having suffered significant losses in recent months. My advice would be to make no decisions at this point and allow yourself time to grieve. If the sums are substantial, it will take some time for the estate to be administered. Delay your decision and any further communication with your brother on this subject until you are ready. Arrive at a decision that you are comfortable with, independently from any pressure from your brother. Tell him to back right off. Also, advise him to take legal advice in the meantime - he will have to acknowledge that if you decide to give him anything at all, it will be out of love, not legal obligation. I’m sure if you have a strong, true relationship, he will understand your need to grieve before resolving financial matters. If he is impatient, I would question his motives.

Your inheritance was the wishes of your Mother. So simple. So no to your brother's demand.
Don't try to prevent a falling out. That has already happened with his demand. He will not be placated with any amount.
Cut ties and move on with your life. You don't need toxicity and gold digging in your life!

Your DH's situation is nothing like OP's.

First of all his DF and SM were married.
Second, You don't mention if his DF had a will but as he was married to SM, she legally got all the assets.

If his DF wanted to make sure your DH got anything he should have stipulated that in a will - sounds like he didn't so your DH will have to rely on SM to state it in her will.

In OP's case no one had a will - her mum didn't, nor her GM.
Her mum was not married to HB's father.
Her DM died before GM.
When her GM died intestate, OP was the next living blood relative so got the entire estate.

The HB is the only person 'saying' that OP'S DM said she would give him 50% - nothing was written down and HB and OP's DM didn't speak for 20 years. He has 0DC and OP has 4DC.
HB is being a CF and guilting OP into giving him a substantial amount of money which he has zero claim to - legally and morally.

@Pipsquiggle No, it is nothing like the OPs situation at all. When I wrote it there were still details from the OP that weren’t clear and I was reflecting that, that complexities might exist that would throw more light on the situation. Turns out it’s very different apart from the lack of effective wills.

sounds like legally he is entitled to nothing, but you get on well with him so are trying to keep the peace and do what is right.
He has asked you for 1/2 of your part of your Grandmother’s estate. He is not entitled to any, and asking for the money your Grandparents left to you is out of order, and frankly weird.
You inherited from your grandmother who wanted you to have it. So, you should keep it.
However, you are coming under some pressure to go against your Gran’s wishes.
Your in-debt “waster” Dad wants your 1/2 brother to have some.
HB has already had his inheritance from his own Mum that he didn’t share with you. (Irrelevant in law, but I get it is relevant emotionally)
In the highly unlikely event that your mum did say that she wanted him to have half, she had no right, as it is your Gran’s decision.

The money is yours. Don’t get into an argument about it. Just say firmly and calmly that your Gran left the money to you and you don’t want to discuss it any more, shut down any conversations with anyone else (eg your dad) about it. Don’t get into any conversation about what you will or won’t spend it on, none of it is anyone’s business except yours, don’t get drawn into paying for anything for others. This is common when a family member has some money that others know about, anything from: holidays, credit card debt, someone needs a new car, someone’s “x” has broken etc. Good luck!

@Thriftnugget - you're right.
All these sorts of threads should clarify to all of us that we need to keep an updated will - particularly when your marriage status changes.
If you want your DC to receive assets when you legally become a blended family, then you need to state it in your will.

I understand this is tricky for you OP. If you look at the facts alone, it wasn’t your mums inheritance. It was your gran’s inheritance to you.

You said your gran didn’t see him as a grandson.

Regardless of whether your mum may or may not have said she would have given him half - she didn’t have anything to give him at her time of death. Even if she did inherit from your gran, you did say your parents were both wasters - who is to say there would have been been anything to give to either of you if she had inherited from your gran!

Personally I think you should accept it as the facts are - your inheritance from your gran, not mum. And if you do want to give anything to your half brother, it’s not “sharing” but should be considered a gift and a generous one at that.

So if he’s your half brother I’m assuming you share a father?
Has your dad passed away also? And his inheritance was passed onto your mum I’m guessing?
In that sense I understand why he would expect some of the inheritance is it was his Dad’s money too?
Correct me if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick…

lots of people still thinking it’s mum/dads money, hence the half brothers claim. Total confusion because of duff info in op’s first post.

it’s grannies money. RTFT if you like, but OP long gone from this thread anyway.

Beginning to wonder if it was a genuine post to begin with.

The dads not dead!

I don't think its a genuine post. OP seemed to get some things mixed up a few times.

Afraid you have very much got the wrong end of the stick.
One OP's dad is still alive. He may or may not have assets to leave to his kids but as he isn't dead there's no handwringing over the OP getting an unfair share of whatever he may or may not leave.
Two OP's mum died before her own mother-the OP's maternal grandmother. So when OP's maternal grandmother died her assets passed direct to the OP rather than the OP's mum. It was never the OP's dad's money. Part of the confusion arises from the OP's parents who had made greedy assumptions and talked about their plans of what to do with the money from the OP's maternal grandmother. But never got passed to them as the OP's mum predeceased the OP's gran.
Three This grasping half brother had no relationship with the OP's maternal grandmother and for the last 20 years had no relationship with his stepmum (the OP's mum). But like a bad penny turns up when OP's gran dies hoping to leech half of the inheritance. A man happy to ignore people until he gets money. A man happy to threaten a fucking weak relationship if he doesn't get that money. A man who has to be bought. In mumsnet parlance he's a fucking cocklodger.

Four OP's mum & father (also HB's dad) were NOT married
Five When HB's DM died, he gave none of his inheritance to OP - why should she do the same?

@AnotherForumUser the other bit is the Ops parents were never married.
So there is no legal link between the Mum and Dad, so none of Grannies money even goes to the Dad and definitely no link between the Granny and the Ops half brother.