To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

The fact he's turned his nose up at you offering 25% says it all OP. Give him nothing. He sounds like a greedy inconsiderate chancer

No way, tell him to bugger off! Why should you, if your Mum did not tell you that or leave a will to state that then that is obviously not what she wanted, he's just trying to get his mitts on your money. As you say he got inheritance from his Mum then obviously he's your half brother via your Dad so why would your Mum leave him anything?! I'm sure she would have stated if that was her wish.

No, no, no absolutely this is not an argument!

That is absolutely not the kind of relationship you need around you, one that pressures things out of you that doesn’t belong him.

I’m sorry to put this thought in your head but that relationship with your brother stopped being a healthy and good one the moment he asked you for half the inheritance.

A loving sibling who would be good for you, wouldn’t ask. He would understand it’s yours and your gut feeling would be saying “but I want to”.

Here, your gut feeling is that you want to give 25%. But (big red flag) hes trying to guilt-trip you into more.

Just ask yourself: How would you feel if you gave him half and he told you afterwards tgat he was just after the money and you can piss off now? (I am not saying that this will happen as I don’t know him.) But his behaviour is very alarming.

It was never your mums money to decide on. She never inherited it. It could have all gone on care home fees for your gran had it been needed.
It was your grans money only and she decided it goes to you.
Your mum assumed she would inherit and of course had she not passed away she would have done but it never went to her so he doesn't get to demand money.
If your mum wanted him to have money her will would have stated it and she didn't put things in writing.

Don’t do it. He is trying to manipulate you.

Your mum wanted you to have your inheritance not share it with him he’s more than likely lying and he’s disgusting.🤮

Whether your mother told him he would get half or not is irrelevant. Your dad’s views on the matter and mental capacity is irrelevant.
You know he hasn’t a leg to stand on legally. It’s your maternal Grandparents money and it’s passing to you as the sole heir.

If he means that much to you, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to give him a gift of some of the money. But how much and whether I would do that would depend- how much money is it? Is it comparable to the amount he inherited from his mother and didn’t share? I mean if he inherited only a couple grand and didn’t share but you are inheriting a million then the two situations aren’t really comparable. You also need to consider the difference the money could make to you and any children you have or might have in future. It could mean a house or deposit for a future child or university fees or even just a secure future for your family. There’s a lot to consider before just handing it to him.

You shouldn't have to give him a penny obviously, he sounds like a chancer and has likely made it up about your Mum wanting to give him half. I take it that your half brother is from your Dad's first marriage and your Mum raised him after she married your Dad. Any wealth was going to come down from your grandparents and your Mum may or may not have vocalised that she would split her inherited wealth between you both when she died. As she has died before inheriting, he has no legal grounds to make a claim from your inheritance, unfortunately not him it bypassed your Mum and you shouldn't have to share any of it.

I don't know why people are mentioning why your half brother didn't share his own Mum's inheritance with you, it has zero relevance as she wasn't a parent in common and she didn't raise you.

This and keep on saying it until he gets the message

hi
I think that maintaining a good relationship with your half brother is priceless & if it means giving some of the money to him to keep that relationship then that is worth more than any amount of money, half brother or full brother he is your brother, dont allow any money to come between that relationship 😉

It wasn't mom's money. It came from grandparents to her. As a senior, I have left my $ to the people I want to receive it. I would really be quite angry to think my wishes weren't followed.

I wouldn’t give him a penny for declining 25% which is generous.

this is YOUR grans.

This is so made up lmao poster can't even keep their facts straight , mum told him he could have half of her money but then she was a waster and didn't have money it's come from the gran the more updates I read the less it makes sense

She wouldn't be letting money come between them HE would it was her grans money he has absolutely no entitlement to a single penny of it but is being an entitled greedy AH .
Not that I believe for even a second this is real

I wouldn't give him anything.

@Petminder well that works both ways! He seems to be letting her inheritance come between himself and the OP. I think her offer of 25% is more than fair for her own peace of mind. In my opinion he doesn’t deserve any of it. I’m wondering why the op told him about the inheritance in the first place.

@74Violette “I don't know why people are mentioning why your half brother didn't share his own Mum's inheritance with you, it has zero relevance as she wasn't a parent in common and she didn't raise you.”
Her grandparents didn’t raise him either. The common denominator is inheritance.

Sorry for you loss. Please seek legal advice before making a decision on amount. Please also try to arrange a therapy session before making a decision so you can try to unpick your feelings around such a big decision. He is not entitled to anything. Also the decision impacts your children as I see you have 4 whose lives could be changed by this sad situation. I wish you all the best no matter what you decide.

@Petminder - you can't say that 'maintaining a good relationship with your brother is priceless' and then put a price on it - ie. half @Anonymouslyasking's inheritance!

And as other posters have said, clearly it is the brother who is putting a price on the relationship - if he truly cared about her, and having a relationship with her, he wouldn't be crawling out of the woodwork with his hands out and greed in his eyes asking for money now he knows she has inherited from her grandmother.

If your SB had refused to speak to your DM and had no contact for TWENTY YEARS, at what point did she tell him she wanted him to have half of your inheritance but wasn't going to put it in her will? It's your GM's money anyway

He's lying to you and playing on your guilty feelings.
He didn't offer to share a penny of his inheritance with you.
He churlishly turned down your offer of 25% and the threat is that he will withdraw affection unless you pay him more. That is not love.

You say you have no family left but you have your own family of four children, your first responsibility is to them.

Apart from your DF, What about your or your DH future care fees? Or private medical costs ( if there's things that are needed but not covered by NHS - eg my DH has waited two years for a knee op and I wish we could have afforded to go private. His dad waited longer for a hip op.) Paying off the mortgage, investing in a pension.

Your SB has had an inheritance and has no dependents to provide for. You could even end up having to pay care fees for him - which you won't be able to afford if he spends the money you gave him as you say he's already spent his inheritance.

OP is putting her relationship with her half brother above her relationship with her 4 children. She could end up losing her relationship with all 5

The OP doesn’t say if her grandmother had a will, she does say that she was the only beneficiary as there wasn’t anyone else, so she could have inherited it through intestacy if her dm was an only child and the op was an only child,

Definitely give him nothing. If he'd cause a rift if you gave him anything less than half he's a manipulative chancer. He's exploiting your feelings for him. I hope your counseller can help you to be strong.

@roadee is absolutely right, @Anonymouslyasking - if your stepbrother would cause a rift in the relationship because you didn't give him the money he wants, he clearly doesn't actually value you at all - just for what you can give him. Essentially it is emotional blackmail, and you should not give in to blackmail.

Some posters have queried whether or not the grandmother left a will or whether the OP inherited through intestacy rules - but I don't actually think that matters. What matters is that she inherited directly from her grandmother, so her mother's wishes in the matter are moot. If her mum had inherited, and had stated that the stepbrother should get half, that might be different, ethically if not legally - but she didn't inherit the money, so her wishes have no weight as to the OP's use of her grandmother's money.

Hell no!! Tell him to keep his greedy mitts off your inheritance . I don’t care, even if she did inherit from your dad, he’s got his from his mum you’ve got yours from your mum. Bloody cheek of the bloke.

We did give DH half brother (he never knew his dad. Long story) a part of DH inheritance from his dad. But a part of it. We gave him a few k only. Which was not a lot of money and wasn’t anywhere near half. But he was super grateful and never asked for anything.

it’s really awkward with family and money. People will fall out.