To give up potty training and wait for DS to say he wants to wear pants / use the toilet?

[Comeandeat]

We’ve been trying since November and it’s obviously now march.

I’ve put pull ups on him because I’ve run out of clean trousers. I think with that I’ve decided to leave it. I don’t ever want to initiate it myself again. It’s destroyed me. AIBU just to wait for DS? I don’t even care when that is any more.

He is 3 years and 3 months.

Anyway preschool have emailed to say they’ll talk to me at pickup. Be interesting to see them claim they don’t judge. But thanks to MN I know better 😆

Do what's best for your kid. Ignore everything else.

Preschool teachers know when they train for the job that they will have to help kids learn to use the toilet. It's pretty obvious.

He needs to spend his days with people who care about him and let him take life at his own pace. Fuck it, I’ll home school. I can’t do maths for shit and he probably won’t be able to read but at least he won’t stink the classroom out 😆

@Comeandeat my DS went through a phase of withholding poo after a bout of constipation. It was a nightmare as he would have poo accidents, including at nursery. I was mortified and was all for taking him out. But the nursery teacher had a chat with us, one of her DC had had the same issue, so no judgement from her just advice. She advised us to talk to HV. We were given some medicine, to soften rather than make him go, if that makes sense.

As others have said, he may have lost the sensation of when he needs to go because of constipation. In fact you sometime think they have the opposite problem as you get leakage.

Talk to HV or GP

Your answers are getting more ridiculous each time you post.

please think of your child in this rather than think about how others may be judging you or perceiving you.

withdrawing him from preschool is detrimental to his and by the sound of it , more importantly your wellbeing. Your replies are coming across very erratic.

I have. I’ve said this over and over.

I’d leave it a bit , my daughter point blank refused until she was 3 years and 6 months, then she mastered it in a couple of days. If I had tried to force it before then it would have been hell!

I’ll add ridiculous to pathetic ✔️ and lazy ✔️

DS is far better with me than being judged by other children and adults.

And what did they say? Have you discussed constipation with them? Potential withholding issues?

They said to increase his fluids and give him fruit and veg. Which I already do.

Honestly some children just don't have the bladder control to potty train until they are a bit older, and that's ok. Ignore everyone telling you it's lazy, you have given it a good go and something isn't working right now. Take a break, and then try again. Personally with my dc (all 8 of them) I took the first week of each month to try, if they didn't seem to make any progress no worries, we went back to nappies and tried again the beginning of the next month. Every single one of them were trained with no stress, they all trained at different ages, but except for ds with severe autism, they were all clean and dry before starting school, which let's face it, is the only thing that really matters.

I’ve read back a bit and all the school stuff doesn’t really make sense, the kid is only 3?
in 6 months he might sail through this..

There were kids in both my sons' pre schools who weren't potty trained. In my youngest son's reception class there was at least one kid in nappies. Not once did my sons mention this let alone judge or pick on other kids for it. And I didn't see it as any of my business. You absolutely should send him to pre school if he enjoys it and let him make friends.

Don’t withdraw him from play school, if they are experienced they will recognise he’s not ready.

To begin with I put the potty in one room and we spent the whole day in that room so he could be close to the potty. Once he mastered that, we did two rooms and so on. Eventually I was able to put the potty in the bathroom (upstairs)and if he was downstairs playing he managed to hold on until he got to the potty. I did this method with both kids from the age of 2 very successfully.

Nighttime took much longer. I waited until they had dry pull ups for 5 consecutive days before removing the pull ups. They were about 5 years old when they mastered this.

Pre school and Early Years staff know they are going to have to deal with toileting issues, even if all children are potty trained they can have the odd accident at school. I used to help interview staff who would be dealing with children of this age, there was always an interview question about if they would be happy with dealing with clearing up sick, wee, poo

I would suggest getting HV involved (might have missed if you've already said that). In the UK it feels like we train children to shit themselves and sit in that shit without feeling uncomfortable then it's ingrained and you have to train them out of it.

I would not take him out of preschool.

We potty trained eldest at 2.5 years but that felt like too old to me so we started potty training our baby at 8 months old.

I hope you're okay, you come across as feeling really low x

Exactly this! Not all kids at Pre-school will be potty trained. It’s pre-school!
Reception age will be very few dependent on other medical issues etc.
But chances are he will have got it by then, he doesn’t start until Sept 25!

I haven't read the whole thread but have you looked up about interoception? he might not be receiving or interpreting the messages from his body quite right yet. Totally take a break from it and try again when you're recharged!

a score card outside the toilet with ticks for my son if he sat on the loo when i reminded him and ticks for me if he didn't, the one who has the most ticks at the end of the week gets a pack of chocolate buttons. Not rewarding based on accidents or not, rewarding based on going and sitting on the loo really helped for us and sitting there regularly decreased accidents and made him feel like he'd got the hang of it.

If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. My older kids were potty trained by about 2.5, but the youngest steadfastly refused the potty, only really started using the toilet to wee at 4 and poo just as he started reception. Be guided by him and have a break. Good luck!

Gosh I do hope you’re not always this mean

Absolutely, wait a bit for both your sanity. I tried with my DS at 3.5 and it didn’t work. Then cracked it in the day around 3.8. However he’s still in night time pull-ups at 4 🤦🏻‍♀️. Boys seem to need longer and it all works out in the end.

One of the best bits of parenting advice I was ever given was to let the potty training happen naturally. I left the potty out, explained (and regularly reminded) what it was for, and gave lots of praise when it was used. I also used to sit my little one on the potty in front of the TV, if I knew a wee or a poo was on the cards, and it all just happened so organically, I don’t remember any of us ever stressing about it. They loved using it, and with time would often come and get me to take the nappy off, so they could use the potty, and feel proud. Eventually nappies simply not needed. Might not work for everyone, but it definitely worked for us (two children)

People on here are being awful. They had a different experience to you. Just leave it a bit and try again in 3-6 months. It’s fine. Your child isn’t starting school for 18 months, if he’s not trained at all by the time he’s 4 then I would discuss health problems with the doctor but don’t expect night training to be done by then.

1 in 4 aren’t dry at night by the time they are 5 years old.