To give up potty training and wait for DS to say he wants to wear pants / use the toilet?

[Comeandeat]

We’ve been trying since November and it’s obviously now march.

I’ve put pull ups on him because I’ve run out of clean trousers. I think with that I’ve decided to leave it. I don’t ever want to initiate it myself again. It’s destroyed me. AIBU just to wait for DS? I don’t even care when that is any more.

He is 3 years and 3 months.

You definitely both need a wee break from the pressure. Don’t give up though - gather some strength and see how you feel in a few weeks.

@x2boys they are absolutely not allowed to change them. Yes you're right it is neglect but why is it on the school and not the parents of the children? You can't always take the easy way out in parenting.

How on earth does a child not being potty trained for no medical reasons fall under equality act!? That's completely different. Im talking about parents who have said nope not doing this school will just have to suck it up

Iaminthefly

Yes, I did read that. And the Doc said it was some children, not all.
Your friend with the twins is probably trying her best.

Being completely honest, I know everyone does what they think is best for their child and their family, but I don't know why you would make your young child endure a year of feeling uncomfortable and like a failure. Surely at some point you say "look, this isn't working" and back off.

Sometimes banging your head against a wall isn't worth it.

Sounds like you are having a really hard time with it at the moment! I'm sorry.

I'm also sorry for some of the comments that have been made to you, I hope they haven't affected you at all 🩷 sounds to me like you are doing your best!

Why don't you give it a month of no potty training and then start again?

I know you have said you've tried oh crap method and bribery, have you gone onto the Potty Training board here? You might get more supportive advice?

For what its worth, I was a teacher in my previous life and taught year 5/6. There was 1 child who still wasn't reliable with poops age 9/10/11. Staff treated him exactly the same as any other child (with dignity and respect). I never heard any nastiness from other children and he had a good group of friends, but obviously you don't get to hear everything as a teacher.

Hope you are okay x

They are allowed to change them.themay not want to but they are allowed I'm the parent of a disabled child I know several.children who have started mainstream school in nappies and they have Been changed at school.,not sure why you think it's not allowed but it is.
If a child is not toilet trained by school age than that is a development delay regardless of the reason
I doubt there are many parents who.just can't be bothered as I can assure you it is far harder changing an older child than toilet training them.

Oh OP it's rubbish isn't it. I'm the same. My son is almost 3 and we tried during half term. He just doesn't care. Say in wet pants and his own piss and shit and didn't care. Will be trying again Easter half term. You have my sympathy. If any parents have an issue with you and your son that's their problem and they can give themselves a pat on the back for having such perfect children. They are probably the same parents who swan about for lunch and nail/hair appointments and can barely handle the massive Chelsea tractor they have....let alone park it (cunts).

He has ND with a significant speech delay so it was more difficult to tell if he was ready. You're probably right but at the time I was so wrapped up in trying to keep him "on track" because of his developmental issues. He was my first child and I didn't have the confidence to realize "he will get there when he gets there" when bombarded with other moms comments about how THEY had their DC wiping their own ass and making their own dinner by 3 yrs old. I also on the other hand think he would still be in nappies if I hadn't kept at it so it's a toss up🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m gonna say that when they’re ready you don’t actually need to ‘train’ that’s the beauty of actually waiting until they’re ready. You try, they don’t get it, you park it and try again in a month. It’s such a low stress and successful way to do it.

No months and months of stress and accidents.

Every child is completely different. You have 18 months before he starts school. He will get it in time but just relax about it until the weather is warmer and then try again in a low stress way.

There’s been some awful posts on here. It’s like we’ve gone back to the 80s! My Mum was hassling me from 18 months going on about how I was toilet trained from then (I very much doubt it and it probably took ages!!)

Like I said both my boys got it at different ages despite the same ‘methods’. There’s no magic age - there’s a big range.

Mine had some issues including over night - buy something like DryEasy Bed wetting Alarm - it attached to underwear and goes off when wet and you can use it during the day at home too so they can't ignore being wet - saved my sanity - most useful thing I bought that year. One of my Top ten things I ever bought. But only when you are ready and summer is better for drying all the washing.

I had this, it was awful.

I'm sure I'm going to slated for this.

We went to a toy store and bought the exact toy he wanted, it was a noisy fire engine.

It sat in a shelf and we told him he had to have 5 days without accidents to have it.

Three weeks later, no tears, he got it.

We had a few accidents after but the 5 days routine helped to start a new phase.

The night wetting is different as they need to produce a certain hormone.

So eldest DS was dry in the day from 2.8 months but it was years later until he was dry at night. We were on the cusp of being referred for help. The doctor explained they need to produce this hormone and if they don’t they won’t be dry at night

Youngest was dry in the night and the day at the same time - he was around 3 years 3 months.

I'm sorry you were made to feel this way and pressured into doing something that perhaps wasn't right for your child. I remember doing a similar thing with my first child (not potty-training related) because all the other children could do it and mine couldn't, so I was harsh and cross with my own tiny boy. I realised later that actually it didn't matter, and nothing was worth feeling like that, or upsetting my child like that, but it took a while.

My son wet himself a couple of times in reception and the teachers helped change him into his PE kit and bag up his wet clothes.
I'm not sure what would have happened if I sent him in in a nappy but it's not true that they aren't allowed to change them I don't think.. they are people trusted to work with children and would have all the relevant checks.

He was never made to feel like a failure and if he had exhibited any signs that he was becoming upset with the process I would have stopped. I surely felt like a failure though!

What nonsense. Of course staff can change children. It was common in my DC's early reception weeks for parents to be handed a bag of wet clothes, as a lot of previously well-trained kids adjusted to the school environment.

You must have had the patience of a saint and I'm very sorry you were made to feel that way. There are many more important things than potty-training, it should not take over.

Just like the OP"s DC isn't too late in starting potty-training, it's never too late to start being a decent and compassionate human being. Give it a go, you might surprise yourself.

And you’re unbelievably stupid. He is 3 years 3 months now. I started four months ago. Do the maths before you lay into somebody.

If you had bothered to read the thread she stated four months ago before her child was 3 ,yes we know years ago children couldn't started nursery without being toilet trained but then they realised it was discrimination so the law. was changed

We actually started at two and a half but nothing was happening (he wouldn’t even sit on the potty at that point) and then I had a baby so not the right time.

Not that it excuses that horrible post

I’m a mother of 3 and grandma of 3. In my opinion it’s fine to have a break from it if it’s stressing you and see you see little progress . He will learn eventually - when he’s ready and at this point it is likely to be quite quick 🤞. If he asks to resume then go ahead , otherwise wait until you think you’re both ready! Have you a garden? If so you could wait until the summer and have lots of outdoor play with few clothes on and a potty near to hand always. Main thing in my opinion is to try and be relaxed about it.
Good luck !

I’m gonna say that when they’re ready you don’t actually need to ‘train’ that’s the beauty of actually waiting until they’re ready. You try, they don’t get it, you park it and try again in a month. It’s such a low stress and successful way to do it.

I really believe what @Delatron says here. That was our experience too.

@Comeandeat Reading your updates, he just doesn't sound ready yet. And that's not your fault. I strongly believe that all you can do, as a parent, is give them the opportunity to try and use the potty, which you have. If you force them, I believe it can make it harder and traumatising for everyone involved, and actually doesn't work any quicker.

Please ignore the judgy replies, and the irrelevant/unhelpful 'stories' from one particular poster. The judgemental parents obviously got lucky or are misremembering.

What did nursery say @Comeandeat?