To give up potty training and wait for DS to say he wants to wear pants / use the toilet?

[Comeandeat]

We’ve been trying since November and it’s obviously now march.

I’ve put pull ups on him because I’ve run out of clean trousers. I think with that I’ve decided to leave it. I don’t ever want to initiate it myself again. It’s destroyed me. AIBU just to wait for DS? I don’t even care when that is any more.

He is 3 years and 3 months.

Hi !
Just for the naysayers -
SOMETIMES IT JUST TAKES LONGER.
I hate Oh Crap as well.

I am a mum of 3. My oldest showed no signs of readiness until he was almost 4. All his friends were in pants. I waited and when he was ready it was done in 4 weeks. My middle one was over 4 when it clicked, but at 8 he still doesn't clean up (ASD, separate issue). My daughter was half way through reception, we were trying 2 years to potty trsin znd I really wish I hadn't given into the nursery and school pressure when she really wasn't ready.

Some children regardless of SEND simply take longer to understand when their bladders are full. This is part of the sense of introspection (think I spelt it right). If he doesn't know when he needs a wee or a poo yet then it's not going to work. Give yourselves a break! I know how you feel, I felt the same, the mental toll was huge with my daughter and nearly destroyed our relationship.

Sending many hugs.

OP I’m so sorry you’ve had such an awful, negative, disrespectful time on here! Posters really should be ashamed of themselves. All children potty/toilet train at different times, just a few years ago this same thread would have been full of ‘don’t worry, they’re not ready, try again later’, not the awful abuse posted here!

As for special needs, it sounds like OP’s ds is not showing any signs, yet OP has been rail roaded into thinking this is a possibility due to everyone’s not so helpful input.

I’ve pm’d you OP. You’re doing a great job, please ignore the horrible comments here. Do what is best for you and your family.
💐

The OP needs to do what is best for her own child. That's not making him anxious and uncomfortable for months on end.

I'd try a different method he's preschool age now so unless there are additional needs he should be able to learn. I tried the oh crap potty training method and both mine were done within 2 weeks as soon as they turned 2.

I am really hearing how much you're struggling. Sorry if I've missed this, but can you get more support from your partner and maybe for your mental health too?

When our mental health takes a nose dive, everything feels impossible (been there, oh have i been there). Also, we often can't see we need help and just feel like its because we're fucking everything up, cue destructive spiral of self blame. Get yourself sorted, then you'll have more resilience for the frustrations of dealing with little ones.

Ignore the scolding for wanting to 'give up' potty training. Have a break for a couple of weeks then try again. Sounds like it's become 'a thing' for both of you and reducing the pressure will help.

He's not going to end up being a 20 year old in nappies because you cut yourself a bit of much needed slack for a couple of weeks.

Good luck!

You haven't arsed it up. You're probably both thoroughly exhausted by it. Just back off for a few weeks and try again in a few weeks' time. He might even mention it himself if he feels there's no pressure there. Our daughter was stubborn. First try was a disaster. Gave up for a few weeks but left the potties out. Didn't mention them though. She just expressed an interest herself then, a couple of weeks later. Sometimes the harder you push, the more resistance you get. It might be that or might not. But you've clearly reached breaking point with it, so for your sanity, give yourselves a breather for a few weeks. Good luck x

ETA: she was 3 years and 5 months when it clicked for her. Just wees though. She still poos in her nappy.

Nurse here, wait until he's ready bit have a go over the summer if he's up for it. If you push him too hard it is likely to backfire. Please ignore smug pressure from other mums. If they potty trained early it is often due to genetics and child temperament rather than parent skills.

Only hes not staring school for 18 months 🙄

Also, just want to add @Comeandeat , I'm really sorry if my message came off judgy. I didn't mean it that way at all, I promise. All I meant really was that it wouldn't be the best idea to completely give up and wait for signs because he's not far off nursery age and I just know from experience that a school based nursery (who often take rising 3s) won't be able to support you and it will be a lot harder for you then. That said, a week or two not thinking about it in the grand scheme of things won't hurt. Your mental health is important. Sending good thoughts your way 💕

It did come across very judgey but not to worry. The thread is showing no signs of dying a death. I think we’ll just wait for it to fill up with people who say ‘I know! Have you tried using chocolate buttons?’ 😂😂😂

I haven't read the whole thread but that sounds tough. I think if they don't show signs of getting the hang of it within a week it's best to stop and try again a few months later. Always so much easier to do in summer when you can dry the washing and let the run about with nothing on the bottom half at home too. Don't worry op, he'll get there! Just have a nice long break from it but do let him follow you and dh I to the bathroom and maybe if you have some friends with a similar let him see another 3 year old..but no pressure or 'this is what you should do' just wait for his natural curiosity to want to do it.

Wow OP there are some really horrid people on here. Take a break for your mental health. Give it 3-6 months and then reassess. We were very worried about my son as he could go for poos but didn’t seem to have any clue he needed a pee - we tried at 3.5 (left after a years break) took 5 days in the house, no bottoms on, to get a single pee in the potty and then 5 days of every outfit peed at nursery for anything to click. Then it did. We were very lucky it did click. And if it didn’t it would have not been our fault, just as it isn’t yours. It’s the same with the food drama with kids - we cannot control another persons body. People think that parents should control their children’s appetite/ food preferences and bodily functions. We can’t - and if anyone is intimidating enough that they can control their child with these things - they need to take a long look at themselves.

personally I’ve found my son has had a major development leap just after 3.5 years and his general understanding of everything plus his language is so much better than even a few months ago. You might find that you can have a more in-depth conversation with your son and understand more about what’s going on in a few months. In the mean time. Leave a potty out, leave a toilet seat out. But don’t mention it, use pull ups. Keep going out. And never worry about what anyone else thinks. They don’t live your life and they don’t have your child. Hope things improve for you soon.

Hence me first asking what method is being employed, and she has said she is not really using any method, which is likely the problem.

They haven't refused to have a child in nappies because they would be breaking the law!

You’re being very polite @x2boys .

I think the thread is just full of trolls to be honest.

He has 18 months yet ...

Oh OP. I have so much sympathy for you. We tried before my DD was ready after the nursery led us to believe she was requesting to sit on the toilet there (absolute balls, they were bribing her with stickers). It was armeggedon. Horrendous. She was so distressed that she ended up holding her wee for 14 hours. The GP was amazing and explained that being ready is rooted in hormones as well as having awareness and a level of understanding. He advised that we stop immediately and leave it well alone until it came from her. After 6 months or so of working through her anxiety around the whole thing, she announced one day that she didn’t wear nappies at all anymore and was dry during the day and at night (bar the odd accident) within a week. She was 3 and a bit. I completely get the nappy embarrassment, but if they aren’t ready then so be it. Trying before she was ready (following Oh Crap, by the way) left my DD with anxiety around toileting that if I think about it has not long been totally resolved and she’s over 5 now.

Leave it for a bit and try again. I was planning to potty train my 1st but had a new baby who was permanently feeding so it wasn’t practical. We visited friends when she was about 4 months off turning 3 and she saw their daughter in pants and just came to me and said “I don’t want a nappy anymore” and took it off. And that was it!! She was ready and it was totally stress free. Youngest did it earlier because she was copying big sis.

I realise that means I technically never potty trained, but my point is, when they are ready it is much easier. Hope that helps!

My son took a full year to potty train. I would keep at it(I know it's frustrating and disappointing). It came down to him wanting to use the pot more than crap his pants. Every day was failure until one magical day I walked past the loo and he was on the pot all by himself. After a YEAR. Just keep on banging your head against that wall and it will break eventually and use pull ups until then good luck!

@x2boys With respect, yes I know that 😂 I think you must understand what I'm saying here. The teachers I have worked with have refused within legal realms to have a child who isn't potty trained full time. There has been quite a bit to do about it all and, more often than not, a part time agreement is put in place. Because, actually, compulsory school age isn't until the child is 5. So there is some leeway for teachers to argue what they believe to be in the best interest of the child at that stage. But that said, OP might choose a private nursery if at all and that's a different ball game. There is no legal obligation for children to attend nursery.

Hey, I'd go to the toilet for some chocolate buttons 😂 Hahaha. Something will stick and work though. You're doing your best and that's all you can do 💕

Both my sons were on the older side of things, my eldest was 3 years and 3 months, and my youngest was 3 years and 8 months (only a few months ago). With both of them we tried at various times but it just did not work and was stressful for us all. We just kept trying, usually for a week, if it didn’t work we left it for a while. With both of them in the end it was one day of us really pushing it and they got it - and with both of them within a week the had it cracked with not much stress at all. Minimal accidents from both of them and not stressful other than the initial day where they were a bit scared/uncomfortable with not wearing a nappy. They definitely did it when they were ready and it was easy then, not a battle.

take a break for all your sakes and try again when it’s calmed down a bit.

Good luck!

With respect, a full year means your ds wasn’t ready. At the time you found him on the loo is the time he was ready.

Do you ever go on holiday abroad ? Drive a car ?eat meat etc ,lots of things are bad for the environment but it's a bit of a low dig kicking a parent in the teeth who is doing their best .

You offer no advice. Unless you have a time machine, what purpose does this have other than to make OP feel worse. That does in fact seem quite unkind.