AIBU to ask how anyone affords to have children?

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DP and I are in our early 30s and people keep asking when we're going to have children, we're on the fence but we can't work out how anyone on our salaries can afford to have children. We're aware time is running out as it were (both my mum and nan hit perimenopause by 40 so aware that it's looming).
Am I missing something obvious?
My salary is roughly £1800 after tax, NI, pension and student loans. DP's is similar. Full time childcare for one child would ruin us financially at £400pw around here (and that would involve one of us working less hours to do pick ups as it closes at 6pm, so one salary would drop, the only way I could make it work would be to do 4 days work over 5 days).
We don't have £400pw spare after mortgage (£1300), bills, food and transport (£1500 if we cut to no eating out or buying lunches and really budget). The money we currently have spare per month (realistically this is a few hundred, but if we cut back to the bare bones as above it would be almost £800) is mostly eaten up in saving for small emergencies, holidays and events (e.g. The clutch went on the car recently, the washing machine needed repairing the next week, then it was MIL birthday the following week).
Benefits calculator (I never thought we would ever have to claim benefits) says we would be entitled to £18pw.
The best case scenario seems to be us being about £1000 short every month and having no spare money for any unexpected costs. We are trying to save at the moment but don't have enough to even get through mat leave.

So as not to drip feed:

• We have no parents or family living anywhere near us that could help with childcare, we had to move away from family for work and then further away again to be able to afford a house.
• 23 years left on the mortgage on a small 3 bed mid terrace in a relatively non expensive area.
• We have one second hand car that we own outright and share.

Even things like food shopping, monthly expense can you cut down on? Yes it’ll be very very tight. Worth it though! How much do you have in savings?

Honestly, we moved overseas. We couldn’t have easily afforded our lifestyle on London living even with both decent incomes.
We moved, when we started considering a family. Had child 4 years later.
We get up to 2.5 years maternity leave and childcare is super subsidised (€100 or less a month for full time care).
We earn the same now, but have bigger house, lots of outside space, and a much better work and freetime balance.

We found the biggest thing was to reduce childcare costs by DH and I working around each other. We both had to apply for flexible working not just one of us. My DH did compressed hours and I actually reduced my hours and worked at funny times. I had friends that did 2 night shifts as a care assistant, friends that went out to work in a pub, the second their partner got home. People who worked weekends etc.

We also saved up a bit to help with mat leave.

You would get a child benefit. Is that the £18 a week you mean?

One of you gives up work.

The easiest way is either increase wages or find roles which allows opposite working hours. Other than that sell up and move to a different house with a cheaper mortgage. Without either of those then yes you probably can't afford a child - and remember it could always turn out to be twins!

Have you looked at childminders in your area? They are often much less expensive than nurseries.

What you’re spending on food for two people is astonishing. We spend £120 on food for a family of four, and we’re not frugal - lots of fresh and fish.

The other thing is a nursery close to where you eork rather than where you live can mean you can make it by 6 without cutting hours.

There are lots of adjustments like extending your mortgage term and reducing energy bills, but those have been suggested. Likewise a whopping £100pw on the car, yet you're prioritising it over having a child. You both have flex enough to work from home, yet can't possibly coordinate to manage pick-ups. Must have the most expensive nursery. Can't possibly save for 2 years to get ahead with nursery costs. Both have low paying and easy to find jobs, but neither will move their job to be near home and save transport cost. It's all up to you really, if you want children then you will make adjustments, if not keep moaning.

They can't afford it.
Birthrates are crashing around the world.

We were on similar income to you OP- but husband earns slightly more as self employed. When I found out I was pregnant with 2nd child I did UC calculator as sadly for health reasons or work reasons no family support for childcare either (I was lucky with my first baby many years ago as my parents had her 3 days a week). Long story short it is now not viable for me to work financially so i didn't return to my job (insurance) after maternity leave - I'm a stay at home mum at the moment and I love it !!!
Yes it is certainly a struggle financially but so rewarding and once she's 3 years old I will get back to work (at least part time) and we will get back on track financially eventually..

Could you each apply to work 4 days? (So T-F and M-T). Make your day in the office the one the other parent is off work and have nursery 3 days a week. Return to full time when kids are older and childcare costs drop?

That way the part of your salary you each lose is the part with maximum tax/NI/student loan deduction
I don’t know your exact finances obviously but assuming you are on £28k with a student loan & 8% pension contribution you’d have around 1,800 as monthly take home. If you drop to 80% salary goes to 22.4k and with same pension and no student loan you’d get £1530. So you lose £540 in pay but you save £680 in nursery fees (& you save all of it as that’s in the slice tax free childcare doesn’t apply)

You then would need about £770 a month for childcare and you have a gap of £500 a month that you may well find is mostly plugged by universal credit.

Check as well what you’d be entitled to while you were off on maternity leave and partner was working full time as that will help you understand how much you need to save there.

It’s utterly rubbish managing the first few years of nursery fees and it would be even if you earned more. You have to cut things down a lot. If you know someone well enough locally trading so you look after their child and yours on your day off and they reciprocate might be an option to think about. It’s what my mum did when she returned to work (she traded help in school holidays vs help one day a week from a part time working friend) and it’s how we manage school pick ups with our friends who live close by.

Watch out. You aren't allowed to give up work and depend on UC top ups on here. You need a wealthy husband to be a SAHM on here. 😉 I decided only to work one day and get more UC rather than work all weekend and have no family time with my older child.

Said with love beautiful, but you need to get a better job, as does your DP. You need to throw everything you have at getting better jobs.

your maternity pay is poor, very poor, as is your DPs. That will make things harder for you. A lot of places now offer 6 months full pay Mat leave +SMP and some even offer 6 months pat leave that can be taken over that first year. So for me, I’d do my 9 months and then go back 1/2 wfh days a week in the last 3 months and then dh can use his full paid 3 months at the end of the year. Then annual leave and bam, managed to get the first year at pretty much full pay. Pick your work place on the salary and the benefits that they give. Even a 5k salary increase each will make a difference. Additionally a work place that will over 4 in 5 or 9 in 10 for both of you and then you’ve saved 1 day childcare.

Do you live in cardiff? That childcare fee seems very high. I don’t live in wales but I live in Birmingham (so larger) and I pay £53 a day. The funded hrs, I’ll get 15 from next month will save me £300/£400 a month. So I’d look at other facilities, try close to work, close to home, I’d look at a childminder too. Explore all options before you think oh you can’t afford it.

People save up to have babies - it's so expensive. You also don't know how long it'll take you to have a child, it could happen straight away, or in a few year's time - you might be in a better position by then.

It might be time to consider moving - either downsizing or to a cheaper area, or near family. This is exactly what we're doing - we're currently trying for a baby. We're moving back West towards both sets of parents once I'm nearly finished with mat leave. That way we will get 2 days of free childcare per week, not to mention nursery fees are cheaper over there than they will be in London.

We had our first ten years ago when my income was about £18k and my partner was earning about £30. Our 2 bed rent was £600 and we used nursery 2 days a week, my mum one and dh work pattern meant that he had two days off in the week. We had a car, didn't waste money and although things were tight we weren't struggling. Has our second when renting a place for £800, dc2 started nursery when 30 hrs kicked in for dc1, dh earning more and it was tighter but doable.

Couldn't do it now with the way the rents have increased. I think you could with your incomes by saving more now and like PPs have said, overdrafts and being very squeezed for the first couple of years is common. Both going to four days a week to take nursery to three days can work out better as well.

If only I had the foresight to buy nearly 40 years ago like a PP! How silly of me!

South East, only one income not even the average one. Budgeted a mortgage which leaves us lots to always change furniture, go three times a year on holiday, repairs done the minute they have to be done, cars to be changed or repaired, a baby's formula or few bits and bobs never even made any difference on our budget. Not sure what you are talking about

Can't understand the reason for snarkiness. When I had to stay at home for a year because childcare was completely out of my budget (and I was a single mother from birth, not entitled to any welfare so absolutely all living expenses were either from savings or borrowed - so let's just say I understand how difficult it could be), I had someone to explicitly point out to me that this is the only way things could work. It is hard to accept this when you used to be a productive, self-supporting, professional, educated human being.

What kind of jobs do you do? Your maternity pay is shocking!

For us the only real coat is the nursery. She goes 4 days a week and before she went to 30 funded hours it was just under £1k a month but we got £167 paid of that from the gov. Now she is on funded placement we pay £60 for her unfunded day and i think £15 for a funded day and we get 25% from the gov. For every £80 you put into the childcare account the gov adds £20 so it's actually a 25% uplift which is also how your pension works.

Clothes everyone is happy to pass on second and third hand clothes. We pass them on to others too. As much of her stuff is second hand. I kept a spreadsheet during the first year and she cost us £1000 including all classes, pram, car seat, cloth nappies, etc.

I would look into how the funded hours will work for you as the age they start is coming down and it makes quite a difference in your costs. You can spend £10k having a baby but you can also spend a lot less if you are savvy. We always buy my daughters shoes new but I always buy them from the clearance section to keep an eye out for the sales so I get £40+ shoes for £15-18. I like the eco brands like frugi as they last better and my daughter is very small and slow growing and has been in some of her current clothes for 18 months. They would cost a fortune new but I can get them second hand for the same price as in the supermarket but with better quality and often less gendered designs.

What we did was, both did a 4 day week so DH had DD on Monday, I had her on Friday. I had a traditional office job so could do 5 days in 4 and DH did some weekend work. We had one year on an interest only mortgage to manage nursery fees. Only one child too.

Both of you earn really low for your professions ! !I think finding new jobs is definitely the first thing!

I found during my pregnancy and maternity leave i spent barely anything! Got all the baby things second hand over time / borrowed from friends

Childcare is the only issue as it's so expensive! We just increased our mortgage term to 35 years to take the cost down and we both dropped to a 4 day week meaning we only need childcare 3 days a week!!

That’s not incredibly high. That the going rate for childcare! We pay £1000 a month for three days.

Yeah but it seems better than statutory. Think she had 6 weeks full pay at the start.

i think that always needs to be a priority if you want a family look at the whole package of an employer, if they offer a piss poor maternity package they aren’t the type of employer that will be sympathetic to a pregnancy either (personal experience). Yes a job is better than no job but still it needs to be a priority. Knowing I want another child, I wouldn’t take a role with less than 6 months full Mat pay

Well they obviously don’t earn ‘really low’ that’s a bit insulting to Op. but agree finding a new job for both with better benefits is step 1

Between you & your DP; whoever works in IT should switch at the earliest to a better paying job. There is huge variation in the pay scales of being part of an IT department for a company and being part of an IT company if you see what I mean. It’s the difference between being a ‘cost centre’ and being a ‘revenue centre’ and the pay scales will absolutely reflect that. Even better if you can switch to an IT consulting company such as IBM, Cap Gemini etc.

The downside is the work pressure may well be a lot higher than you want or are used to, much longer hours etc. This will be a typical ‘greedy’ job - Google it and you will see what I mean.

Also do lookup average starting salaries at management consultancies - you will see the difference.