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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it’s ok for my DD to walk school?

315 replies

alwaysgonnaloveyou · 07/03/2024 20:13

I have been offered a job but my 9 year old DD (soon to be 10) would need to walk to school alone. It is a mile away. I would need to leave the house at 7.30 to get to work but the out of hours club provided by school doesn’t open until 8. I am a single parent and do not know anyone who would be able to pick her up from our house and drop her off at school. I have a 14 year old DD also who is super sensible but goes to a different school so she would be looking after him until he has to walk to school. Her school is in the opposite direction so she can’t walk her halfway or anything.

OP posts:
Fixesplease · 08/03/2024 07:38

I'm in the group of its fine, he's 9 almost 10! In a years time he'll be getting himself to and from secondary.

As PP have mentioned it may be a Scottish thing as we all walked to school from about 7 ish. As in ALL , you'd have been the odd one out if you mum or dad walked you!

You know your kids, you know the route. Do a few trial runs while you are at home, put the app on the phone , obviously have the chat re " what to do if" and go ahead and goodluck with your new job.

I swear it's a wonder why we have an entire generation growing up unable to do a thing for themselves and 14! Is too young to do anything. Pretty sure I was babysitting for hours by 14!

It's a 20 minute walk, I assume he already goes to the local park/ shop solo?
A bit of independence isn't a bad thing!

nevergetusedtoit · 08/03/2024 07:39

Smartiepants79 · 08/03/2024 06:46

But schools do have a duty of care with regards to safeguarding, If they feel the behaviour is putting the child at risk of harm they are obliged to step in to see what can be done and to report it if deemed necessary.

Show quote history

Let them report it ( which they won’t). SS won’t be bothered.

nevergetusedtoit · 08/03/2024 07:40

Kalevala · 08/03/2024 07:02

Some people seem to be talking about a mile like it's a long way, it's only a short walk.

This.

It’s easy to see why there is such an obesity problem in the UK, after reading this thread.

Smartiepants79 · 08/03/2024 07:43

nevergetusedtoit · 08/03/2024 07:39

Let them report it ( which they won’t). SS won’t be bothered.

Show quote history

My school might ( depending on the bigger picture and what we know about the family) especially if it lead to an incident that concerned us.
Then it’s up to SS. But being reported to SS is very upsetting for lots of people.

Seriously79 · 08/03/2024 07:45

A bit too young in my opinion. What if there was an incident on the way and you were miles away?

Also in the winter, when it's cold, dark/ raining that wouldn't be a nice walk for a young one.

takemeawayagain · 08/03/2024 07:47

5 days a week would be a hard no from me. But for that pay rise and one day a week, I'd spend the whole journey on speaker phone to her and do it.

Seriously79 · 08/03/2024 07:48

alwaysgonnaloveyou · 07/03/2024 20:23

I’m struggling to survive on my £25 k job. I do not claim any benefits whatsoever. I’d be on £40 k with the new job. I’m thinking of our future. It would only be one day a week she’d have to walk on her own as my parents can drive her for the other days.

This puts a slightly different spin on it. Once a week possibly wouldn't be too bad. Are you parents around/ could they get to her if she had a problem?

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 08/03/2024 07:50

I would let her. Don't get all the no responses

Poppasocks · 08/03/2024 07:50

For the sake of 1 day and given you'd be on 40k... is a taxi an option?

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 08/03/2024 07:55

I had a much longer “commute” and I did that alone from the age of about 8.

It was mostly fine but there was one incident with a mentally disturbed man that would make me… hesitant.

It really depends on the area, the streets she’s have to cross etc. I also think that this isn’t just about her walking to school but this is also about having to leave the house on time, the responsibility that puts on her older sister etc. Would that really have to be an everyday occurrence

I saw that there’s no local childminder. But not even an older child that might walk with her? An other parent that might want earn a little extra?

but if you’re financially struggling you will have to somehow make this work.

LegoLady95 · 08/03/2024 08:06

I would be happy with this as long as my child was comfortable with it and the teenager was also comfortable.

I would be ealking the route with her often in preparation and ensuring good road safety awareness.

My child had a Kidsnav watch at that age which allowed her to call saved numbers and I could track on my phone. Then you can easily have a quick call to say safely arrived and also see on the app. It has a class time setting so it operates just as a watch during school hours you set on the parent app.

VivaDixie · 08/03/2024 08:10

OP can you please answer the question regarding what time she will be setting off as it will change the responses significantly, my view is:

7.30 set off - no
8.30 set off - yes

I really don't like it when an OP posts a well worded thread then when it doesn't go their way we get short snippy answers to half the questions

littleducks · 08/03/2024 08:13

My year 5 term year old can and does on occasion, just Google marked and it's 0.9 miles. Will go along probably once a fortnight than once a week to school and one week home from school. They are dressed and eating before I leave with bag packed. They have a key on a chain of school back pack and just shut door behind them no double locking etc. They like having TV on if alone and turn off with remote, it has a fire stick so daily alarms set at get ready and need to leave now times. We don't turn everything off to leave house like another poster mentioned do that's not an issue.

They have a kidsnav smart watch that had disabled feature so can't be used for anything in school hours but had GPS and calling feature for journey time. Tbh I don't insist on that and they bizarrely prefer to keep in bag than on wrist! I have advised if they feel worried to go into shops on route and deliberately spent effort going onto those local shops, supporting them through COVID times with custom so we were seen as familiar customers and DC would ask for help if needed.

Elder brother did 2 miles journey with choice of and would walk/bus and then walk/ tube one stop daily to and from school from year 5 (as I was taking younger one to different school) but didn't lock up/leave house alone as left before me. Would always leave so with friends and sometimes meet on way in. They are now year 11 and it seems independence is further decreasing for kids.

NevergonnagiveHughup · 08/03/2024 08:22

The very vast majority of everyone here will say no as we all tend to catastrophise about events that have such a minuscule chance of happening.

My 9 year old goes by herself every day
since last Sept. She’s 10 in July. About a
mile also.

it depends on the roads and community, I think. If the roads are safe and she’s sensible and you think someone in the community would help her if anything unforeseen happened, I’d go for it.

is there anyone else she could hook up with along the way?

BusyMummy001 · 08/03/2024 08:33

Do you have a neighbour with kids going to the same school that she could walk with for a few weeks? Is the route safe (ie no bypasses or 3-lane roads, just residential streets?)

Otherwise, I would speak to the new employer and ask if you could tweak your hours to start 30mins later (meaning you could drop DD at breakfast club) and take a shorter lunch hour.

nevergetusedtoit · 08/03/2024 08:33

Smartiepants79 · 08/03/2024 07:43

My school might ( depending on the bigger picture and what we know about the family) especially if it lead to an incident that concerned us.
Then it’s up to SS. But being reported to SS is very upsetting for lots of people.

Show quote history

Only if you let it upset you. I had a referral to SS, got a phone call from SS and they literally just laughed and never heard from them again. Know someone who got referred to SS by her school and SS had no interest either. It’s no big deal unless you actually do have a serious child protection concern. Which this is not.

Even if an extraordinarily arse covering school ( arse covering referrals will account for a fair proportion of referrals from agencies I have no doubt) reported SS would not be interested.

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 08/03/2024 08:36

I’ll be hugely unpopular here but my son was letting himself out, locking the door and cycling to school (maps says 1.9 miles but was probably a bit less with cut throughs cars can’t access) by himself at 10 (and a half), he travelled just as far playing out at a younger age because he had friends and there were parks near school. He had been going to breakfast / after school club but hated it and begged to be allowed to try. He’s always been pretty sensible and super independent, he was so much happier with this arrangement. I was doing the same at that age, I hated going to a childminder. I think ultimately this comes down to your girls, whether they get along, how sensible they are and whether they would be happy and have the confidence to do this.

SaladIsShitAndWeAllKnowIt · 08/03/2024 08:37

My sister and I had a regular taxi when we were 8 & 10. Local firm did the school run, same person pretty much every day.

Is a taxi an option?

ChaoticCrumble · 08/03/2024 08:37

I wouldn’t do it with my year 4 nine year old, but year 5 and year 6 by the time it gets dark again… I think I’d give it a try.

LeaningJowler · 08/03/2024 08:40

So she’s Y5, I don’t think it’s an issue. Lots of Y5’s walk themselves to school her.

Questions I’d ask are:
Is it a walk she’s familiar with? (If she’s done this walk from reception she’d most like be comfortable doing it alone, but if you’ve always driven in it might be a bit more difficult for her).
Does anyone else do a similar walk? We walk from about a mile away, as we get closer to school we pretty much always bump into others and walk together.
How is she at crossing roads? I find sometimes on quieter roads children pay less attention when crossing as they are used to there being no traffic so assume it’s safe.

Children often thrive on responsibility!

scatteredgreymatter · 08/03/2024 08:42

Can you ask for compressed / flexible hours for a year or 2?

Mustreadabook · 08/03/2024 08:45

Well it sounds like I’m a minority but I think this sounds ok. It’s only 1 day a week, she isn’t having to responsible for locking up the house and wont be home alone. She will be in year 6 in one more term. At my children’s school they have to be picked up by an adult until they are year 6, but as soon as they were year 6 they wanted to walk home with friends and wouldn’t let me pick them up! It’s also getting light quickly so she wont be walking in the dark. And she has a mobile phone if she needs you.

SpongeBobSquarePantaloons · 08/03/2024 08:47

DinnaeFashYersel · 07/03/2024 20:32

Depends on the child and the area.

Most kids where I live in Scotland walk to and from school from younger than 9, some from age 5. (My own 2 get the bus and have walked home from the bus stop since the eldest was 6/7).

But I know in England there's a different attitude to to this.

I don’t think it's so much that the attitude is different here but that kids in Scotland go to the school nearest their house, whereas in England they often don’t. So it's generally a shorter walk for our children, and everyone in the area will be walking there too.

Parentofeanda · 08/03/2024 09:02

Personally I wouldnt be letting my child walk until at least 13 or 14 as I just hate how much danger there is out there, so unless in a big group its teenage years for me

potato57 · 08/03/2024 09:04

Red flag if the job won't let you start a half hour late for one day for a year or two. It's going to be the kind of culture that doesn't value their staff at all, and you'll be doing unpaid overtime and out of hours favours because it's an "emergency" and having to compromise on which annual leave days you have before you know it. I've worked in places like that and they aren't happy if your kid is sick and you have to leave early, they forbid staff from leaving the building at all if there's a deadline no matter how long it takes, etc.