AIBU to think it’s ok for my DD to walk school?

[alwaysgonnaloveyou]

I have been offered a job but my 9 year old DD (soon to be 10) would need to walk to school alone. It is a mile away. I would need to leave the house at 7.30 to get to work but the out of hours club provided by school doesn’t open until 8. I am a single parent and do not know anyone who would be able to pick her up from our house and drop her off at school. I have a 14 year old DD also who is super sensible but goes to a different school so she would be looking after him until he has to walk to school. Her school is in the opposite direction so she can’t walk her halfway or anything.

Do you need a fully qualified childminder? This sounds like a job for a sixth former/student who would look after your children from 7.30 and walk youngest to school. Try advertising for a babysitter locally.

I think for one day a week it would be fine as long as you are confident that they are sensible, likely to leave on time and not kill each other. It would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity to improve your family’s situation for the sake of half an hour.

I’d make sure they have a clear plan about what they need to do, times to leave, and what to do if there’s a problem. At least to begin with I would work out a way for them to let you know they got to school ok and maybe ask another school parent to keep an eye out for them at school.

It really depends on the child at this age. With my oldest - not a chance, he would realise he was late at about 2 o’clock and then wonder if he should still go to school or not!
With my youngest who is not yet 9, it wouldn’t be a problem as long as there were consequences for him messing around or being late. He would relish the independence and learning new skills and would likely keep his sibling on track.

However, I would be careful with who I told though. I’d check to see if there was a school policy about kids arriving/leaving on their own. And also be aware of anyone who might think it was unacceptable and stick their nose in. In some ways this is what would put me off doing it with my youngest in a year or two which is actually quite annoying!!

Would dropping off at grandparents make any difference with how far they’d have to walk from there?

I would ask to change your hours by half an hour, or reduce your lunch. Either that or decline the job.
I wouldn't be leaving a 9yo.

I think there is a different attitude. It’s not just in walking to school but things like playing out, responsibility for teens. I’m really shocked by a lot of the threads on here that seem to think children and teens are utterly incapable of managing really quite simple and statistically not dangerous tasks.

Besides, a lot of kids in England do go to their nearest school - depends really on what’s available, whether you live in a village/town/city , etc. I mentioned my DD10 upthread - she actually doesn’t go to our catchment school so there’s no other kids walking the same way as her, but she’s more than fine walking the mile by herself.

There's no childcare at secondary schools. Have you found a childminder who will drop off and pick up from secondary school? What about walking into town or the park or a friend's house, or catching public transport? Your child will be left behind socially.

So you're in the fortunate position of having grandparents to drive her 4 days a week; surely the obvious thing is to book a taxi for the one day they can't cover?!

I also think way too young. In fact our school would take a dim view of this.
Do both your parents need to look after your dh kids? Can one of them help for just that one day?
Can you get someone and pay them extra for just 2 hours?

This.

My 12 and 10 year olds get themselves ready and breakfasted alone for 3 days a week! My parents then come at just past 8 to lock up and take them to school, but by the time they are both in High school, so another 18 months, they'd be doing it as well as getting themselves to school

Could you not ask any of her friends parents if they could give her a lift, or if they also walk arrange a meeting point so she's not doing the full walk alone? As it's only one morning a week it's not too much of an ask, maybe you could offer help with an afternoon pick up or something else in exchange?

Honestly, if you are happy with the route and with DCs ability to manage it, then I would say it's fine. Does he have a phone in his bag so he can text you when he sets off and arrives? But you know your area and you know your DC. The responses you get on here will be based on other poster's own lives and area, not on yours. Where I live it's normal for kids to be walking alone in Y5 and Y6, and many start walking alone in Y4. So I would say that if your DC is leaving at the same time as everyone else to get there for normal start time, and there are likely to be other kids and parents around, then what you are proposing is absolutely fine. Other people who live in much busier areas - maybe where the traffic is more dangerous - might well have the opposite view. If you are happy with your DCs ability to manage this, and you can practice the walk for a while, then go for it (by practice, I mean you walk him most of the way, walking with him less and less each day over a few weeks, until he's walking it all on his own).

I've always believed that walking to and from school at normal times (so when there are other friends/parents around) is the best way to start learning independent travel. As a parent of a younger child, I kept an eye on solo older kids, and I'm sure others would too. Good luck!

What has happened in the past 10 years since mine were that age that a 10 year old can’t walk to school? I’m in NE Scotland and it was the norm maybe not now but I despair, a taxi! Take the job

I think it's fine. My 10 year old has been walking for the last year.
Dc can leave the same time as you as probably take them 20 plus mins to walk.
Practise the walk a few times if you can. Make sure they aren't walking on their phones or with both earbuds in.

@millymoo1202 yes of course walking is an option too, as many have pointed out. But if for whatever reason the OP decides against it, a taxi is a simple solution.

I can't believe the OP has actually made it into a difficult situation! She has the opportunity to go from earning 25k to 40k overnight and she just needs to sort the journey to school once a week! Walk or taxi. Sorted.

I read this thinking 9yr old year 4... then I read 10 in May... so Yr 5...

My 10yr old Yr 5 will be walking the 0.8 mile to school after Easter by himself. Likely picking up his mates on route. They have it all planned. We have been trailing them for weeks initially pointing out daft things. But they are getting less and less. I have no reason for him to do this as I am at home and currently walk him. But he wants to. And I think he's capable.

I'd be more concerned about leaving the 2 of them (I also have a 14yr old) are you sure he will listen to her - not wind up the situation? As we are talking a few days in reality as your parents will do 4/5 I'd let him do it. 🤷‍♀️

Yes, I think this is fine personally, although obviously it depends on the child/the environment etc. Mine played out and walked to/from friends houses after school younger than this and enjoyed the independence it gave them.

I think you should take the job, you'd be mad not to.

Your child will be going into Yr6 and has the last 6 weeks of Yr 5 to "go it alone" FOR 1 DAY A WEEK and get used to it before the Autumn term. It doesn't sound like you are concerned about their level of sensibility per se, more about how this will be publicly perceived?

Similarly your 14yo will need to get used to locking up. Suggest you get a Ring doorbell or similar as you can see them entering and leaving and can give them a quick call if you are worried they haven't double locked the door or whatever ?

One day a week is fine, how does she feel about it? I wouldn't keep her on the phone but I would put a phone in her bag with Life 360 on it as it's really spot on with their location and maps through walk.
Alternatively both girls could can get a taxi together, to drop off youngest at breakfast club and then take oldest onto school. Even short-term or just winter months maybe?
It sounds like a great work opportunity and could change alot for you all, you can't not take it. The rest will work out. I'd even ask a parent or staff member that runs breakfast club can you pay them to pick her up once a week?

Side point- what is up with all the posts about the 14 year being left with responsibility of minding her sister for half an hour??? Madness that anyone thinks this is unreasonable. Either severe helicopter parenting or kid issue if you couldn't trust them with a sibling for 30 mins one day a week

OP. presumably if it's a teaching job presumably you'd be starting after Easter, so in another month's time when your DC is nearly ten and the clocks have gone forward. Seriously, go for it for one day a week, this is a wonderful opportunity for your family to work together and improve all your lives.

There are always some fairly extreme reactions on MN to things like this, but I really think in this case it's a no brainer. From the user names, I think quite a few posters are parents of young children, who quite rightly can't imagine letting them be unsupervised at their current stage of development - but they grow up fast, and helping them to prepare gradually for life is a crucial responsibility of parenthood. Good luck with your new job, and well done.

I had to decline the job. Heartbroken 💔

Why did you decline it OP? That is such a shame x

Why did you decline? I hope it wasn't because of this thread.

That's daft, it was manageable between your parents and a taxi.

Oh OP, what happened?

I would go back and say you changed your mind OP. She can walk once a week or a taxi if possible once a week for a little while until you feel comfortable with her walking. I wouldn't be turning down that pay rise