AIBU to think it’s ok for my DD to walk school?

[alwaysgonnaloveyou]

I have been offered a job but my 9 year old DD (soon to be 10) would need to walk to school alone. It is a mile away. I would need to leave the house at 7.30 to get to work but the out of hours club provided by school doesn’t open until 8. I am a single parent and do not know anyone who would be able to pick her up from our house and drop her off at school. I have a 14 year old DD also who is super sensible but goes to a different school so she would be looking after him until he has to walk to school. Her school is in the opposite direction so she can’t walk her halfway or anything.

I think it’s fine, I did that. Kids are way too protected these days

It is honestly mind boggling the attitude to children’s independence and active travel that has developed in the last 20 years.

Don't compromise your child's safety for money, if it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. You'd essentially be leaving your 9 yo to be responsible for themselves from 7.30-8, anything could happen, and you'll worry about that.

Ask the new employer to change your start time so you can drop her at the club at 8 then travel to work. It's what my husband has done when recently offered a job as I work shifts so have early starts some days. If they say no look for another job. I know that seems simplistic, but complete inflexibility from day 1 means they aren't going to be a reasonable employer. If it comes to it, make sure the next job you go for has working hours that suit your life better.

In principle there's nothing wrong with walking to school that age at all imo, my concern would be that you're not there. If something were to go wrong on the way there is nothing you can do as you're on the way to work & that's what I would struggle with.

Agree with a pp who's suggested speaking to school about dropping her earlier, I'm sure lots of teachers are in your position & I'd wager they'd be very understanding. It's only one day a week after all.

Congratulations on the new job though! No brainer that you should take it.

It depends - how busy are the roads, what are the crossings like, how is the lighting, will her route join her up with other people walking to the same school? My youngest walked to school by herself at that age but had only one crossing with a traffic light, and would be joining up with others from her school by the time she reached the end of the road.

I walked to school by myself with younger sister from age 8, but that was in the Netherlands in the 1970s.

Absolutely mind boggling, and not good for the children.

Only you can know if your dc will be OK with this OP, and what the area where you live is like.
You will get some bonkers answers on MN.

MN is full of posters who's teenagers are never allowed out alone and worry about 17/18 yr olds being left over night, and 14yr olds who can't be trusted to lock a door.

I am a single parent and you just have to do what is best for your family. Congratulations on your new job.

You're extremely lucky that is an option

Our DC used to ride their bike to school from the second term of year 5 alone. It was about 1.5 miles as we had moved further away. They could have walked but preferred to ride as quicker. It was primarily off road with only a couple of minor roads to cross. They did it all the way through until the end of year 6 and were absolutely fine. They had done their bike ability course, took their phone and we had life360 so would get a notification when they arrived. You know your child and as long as school agree with it at that age then I personally think its good for them. It was amazing how many kids struggled with the transition at secondary as all of a sudden they were being expected to get themselves to school and back on top of all the other changes.

The walk itself is fine, and she's not having to lock up, but my only concern would be the getting up and ready in time to leave. Only you know your own child.

As someone else said, only you know whether your dd will be ok walking to school on her own and whether the roads are simple enough for her to safely cross on her own.

It does feel like a plan that would have me on pins though because you’re relying on so many people in order to make it work (Parents 4 days a week and older dd 5 days a week). If one or both can’t/won’t help for whatever reason then you’ll be in a pickle. Family help is great but you can’t rely on it with absolute certainty.

Depends where you live, my 9 (now 10) walks home from school albeit with his 12 year old sister. It's a long walk (35+ mins)

I personally feel needs must. Elder one has a phone to update me. Ten year old does have a phone but isn't consistent with using it, so I don't rely on him being contactable.

Ideally if there is a friend to walk that would be good.

But then they are also home alone for two hours when I'm working after their walk home. Which wouldn't go down well on this thread.

I do think children who aren't allowed to walk or do anything independently till they are older have worse road sense and anxiety about being alone.

My school sends out permission slips for kids to walk home alone at the start of Year 5, to "encourage independence".

We're less than a mile away from school but DS1 probably covers a mile on the way home as he and his friend walk to friend's house via "the grassy bit" to hang out for longer and then DS1 comes home by himself.

I'm sure she'll be fine, my only worry would be if the 14 y/o would lord being in charge over the 10 y/o or if the 10 y/o decided she didn't have to go to school as the 14 y/o isn't a grown up and "can't make her" - that's just due to me and my sibs being little shits to each other when our parents were out though!

One day a week if she’s happy to do it, I think it’s fine

Mine walked themselves to school at nine. we only live 10 minutes walk away from the school. However they wanted to and they were both able to do it I’d let them. Make sure she’s confident on the route and knows how to cross the roads and things

Haven't RTFT but all the kids walk to school where I live from 9. I think it's too young for there not to be an adult in the house to see them off though.

9 is far too young. How would you feel if something happened en route and you couldn’t get to her? In the winter it may well be dark as she’s walking as well. As you say there’s no childminders, could you arrange for a taxi with a local firm to pick your daughter up that one morning and drive her to school. Wouldn’t cost too much if it’s only a mile once a week. Your elder DD can make sure she gets in the taxi, and if you tell the school the arrangement they can make sure she arrives safely. Make sure she has your number and the number for the school so if for whatever reason the taxi was late/didn’t arrive she can call and explain and you can arrange another one, rather than her feel pressured to walk by herself to avoid being late.

It's a no from me. Too young I'm afraid and unfair on the 14 year old too.

I walked that far at 4 going on 5 years old!
Of course this was years ago.
I was meant to be with the neighbour's children but they ran off most of the time.The roads were much quieter but it included a main road.
Can she have a phone so you can track her?

Op, I think people are really overreacting here. It's one day a week, you can talk to her on the phone during the journey and it is a 20 minute walk. She is in year 5, you are really not being unreasonable.

I'm amazed by all the 9is far too young commentary. Our school (and any others I know of) allows children to walk home from year 5 i.e. when they are 9 and plenty of kids do it.

I'd probably organise a taxi, she has her older sister there, and then in a few months, or next year, walking herself. You're going to double your income, I'd say it's a reasonable expense to be able to manage that

Op is a teacher!!! She can't change her hours.

Too much responsibility for a 14 yo??? Did no one on here have jobs at 14? People paid me to look after their young children.

I'm shocked anyone thinks 14 is too young to look after a 10 yo?!!!

Responsibilities are important to raising confident kids.

It's a nice thing to have your older dd do this. And the walk will be for the younger one as well. They will be proud of themselves.

By the time winter comes she'll be 10.5 It's ok for kids to walk in the cold and rain. It's ok for things to be uncomfortable sometimes.

Yep!

And it’s not just about children’s physical health.
We are doing their mental health no favours if we assume they cannot cope with these extremely ordinary scenarios (9yo walking 20 minutes; 14yo locking a front door).