To think DH should have come straight home today?

[rainbowsunsgold]

DH was working away Tuesday and yesterday and today would have been home for half five but he’s gone to give his mum a Mother’s Day present. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem but we have an ill and very clingy baby and I feel like he should have come straight back to help. AIBU? (She’s away Sunday.)

I voted yabu but I’ve changed my mind after reading your posts as it’s not really about him visiting his mum, it’s the fact that he can.

You’ve had all sorts of shit thrown at you on here but I get it. My children’s dad never had to think about who was going to look after the children, he knew that I would or I would arrange it. I couldn’t just visit the GP for example, I had to work out what I was going to do with the dc. He could book a GP appointment and not worry about dc, just go.

My Dh (not dc dad) works away a lot and although I no longer have small dc like you, it’s lonely. Mine got back last night from a few weeks away and has gone out tonight. I just want to talk to an adult or have someone else to make me a cup of tea etc. Someone to care. Sometimes it’s the little things isn’t it?

I hope that your dc is better soon and that you can get some rest.

No

Just normal people who know mothers don't stop mothering when their children have their own kids

If they split up, his Mother would still be there for him when his wife isn't.

Which doesn't exactly put him in "good dad" territory does it?

So he is a shit dad, then.

Ahh no, in all fairness that’s hard. I hope she will be ok.

I totally agree and YABVU.

Are the people who are incredulous about this stance MILs who resent their DILs?

Oh goody, a MIL bashing comment to add to the mix! My children are 2 and 5 so I'm definitely not a MIL yet. I just think your comment was stupid. Just like your reply.

But at that point why couldn't you have said something like "I know you want to spend time with your mum and it makes sense to visit tonight while you're in the area but with youngest being sick/clingy I need a second pair of hands. I would really appreciate it if you could get back asap this evening because I'm really struggling"?

He might have ignored you and continued with his plan for the evening anyway, at which point you have bigger issues than just one late night but he equally might have made a flying visit to see his mum, dropped off the card/gift and said "Happy Mother's Day, I'd love to stay for a bit since I won't see you on Sunday but I need to get back because the kids are sick and OP is exhausted so I'll arrange to visit another time, bye!" and been back on the road within half an hour.

Why did you have another baby with him?

Oh God I hadn't even taken in that it was a sickness type of illness. Those are usually all hands on deck if at all possible here with young kids, as it is so hard to look after the kids and get everything cleaned up.

I can't even imagine driving my car towards my parents house rather than my own after work if I hadn't seen my kids for 3 days and one of them was ill, and my OH has been dealing with that, including sorting out sickness etc, on their own all that time. Not unless a parent was very ill / infirm anyway. And I expect any woman who posted on here she intented to do that would get flamed.

YANBU OP and I suspect it is because he doesn't do much parenting that it hasn't even occured to your DH that things will have been really hard for you over the last couple of days.

To be fair, the OP might from Norfolk, so we can’t rule it out.

Hope your DC is okay OP.

Agree with this and I’m very surprised at some of the responses. Surely getting home to spend time with small children who have missed you trumps getting a grown woman her Mother’s Day gift on time.

My dmil and I haven’t always had the best relationship but her priority was family, and she has always said that when dh got married that became us. I have no doubt that if dh had turned up there after he’d been away for a few days she’d have asked him what the fuck he was doing and sent him straight home to see the kids (and she has to be really fucked off to swear).

I think given your later posts op there is much more to this and I hope you speak to your dh and ensure that you manage to claw back some time to yourself. Most importantly I hope the little one is on the mend and you get a good night’s sleep.

Sorry?

Thank you @PuppyMonkey

I wanted my children. I still do.

I really hope your daughter is better soon. I'm in your camp here. You've had a really tough few days and it sounds like he's not registered that and just gone without discussion. I wouldn't do that to DH. I'm also unclear about timings and why it seems to be taking him so long - has he stopped there a good while? He's also not pulling his weight at night and that is definitely not ok. I can very much see how you feel your life has changed while he acts like his hasn't.

Just wanted to say that you must be shattered. I’d not be happy if my husband had done that; his mum is a big girl, I’m sure she can understand he’s got an exhausted wife and a sick kid to get back to and receive her gift a day late on Monday if you posted it tomorrow.

You needed support and you shouldn’t feel remotely bad for that (as some people seem to be trying to make you!) You both work, you’re both parents, you’ve been holding down the fort whilst he’s been working away, it’s totally reasonable to want him home asap to give you some respite.

Hang in there mama - hope your little one improves soon and your husband gets up with them all through the night and tomorrow so you can get the sleep you deserve! x

I've got an ill baby at the moment. I vote he should have come straight back! I also have a seven year old and had forgotten just how hard to cope with ill/cranky babies are!

I get how you feel but honestly YABU

This isn't making you feel any better or changing the outcome. He's back in half an hour. If you think the baby needs 111, ho give them a call and leave the thread. It's not serving a purpose to anyone at this point.

I will leave the thread when I wish to leave the thread.

Just normal people who know mothers don't stop mothering when their children have their own kids

I would lay down my life for my son. From
the moment he was born to the day I die. Him
having a family will never change that.

Will the world end if you partner isn't there to help you? No.
Will the world end if your mil gets her mother's day card next week instead of today? No
Your tired, crabby and that always comes with a touch of irritability and irrationality but the person that should be there providing you with comfort and solace that you do have this, you are doing a good job isn't there. The person telling you it's fine your not being unreasonable and it's ok to be knackered and in need of another human in the room with you isn't there.
When you feel like you are drowning and you aren't being seen is lonely and there's one person that is meant to see you when no one else's did has shown to delay coming home by 4h

I do wonder how many mothers of older children would be asking am I being unreasonable for being upset that my son looked after his sick child and worn out wife instead of seeing me?

Did you phone 111?

Could have gone to a post office and sent it next day delivery