To think DH should have come straight home today?

[rainbowsunsgold]

DH was working away Tuesday and yesterday and today would have been home for half five but he’s gone to give his mum a Mother’s Day present. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem but we have an ill and very clingy baby and I feel like he should have come straight back to help. AIBU? (She’s away Sunday.)

‘Provide you‘

I feel sorry for your future daughter in laws!

OP, I don’t blame you. Solo parents is so tough when someone is away!

For example I could t read my eldest a story as baby was screaming. Another adult would have helped.

Not quite. But like a lot of parents who aren’t around much he doesn’t know what needs doing.

I certainly haven’t said he’s a shit dad. I have said he wouldn’t know what needs doing. We’ve had a lot of sickness so there’s a lot of washing for starters.

It’s been a hard week for you .
It does sound sensible to sort Mother’s Day For his mother while he’s in that direction. I do think he has been unreasonable because he should have finished early to do so and never .
I actually agree that he’s not giving much thought for his direct family .

Tomorrow leave him with the kids and you go to the vets . Tomorrow tell him he is on night shift with both kids. If the kids won’t settle then so be it . He should step up more .

Maybe even take yourself out for breakfast on Sunday

He's done what he believes is right. He may have prioritised his mum this time but as you said she lives nearer his work. It kind of makes sense.
He isn't down the pub or catching up with mates or doing anything like that. I understand why you're irritated but I wouldn't be making it a big deal (I would be trying not to).

It’s Saturday we have the vet visit. He’s at work tomorrow. But thank you.

Other stuff DH would help with but I’d have to tell him what to do anyway and it’s easier to do it myself

You have 3 kids. This isn't attractive at all

Tbh there are posters here making it a bigger deal than I have. But I am a bit disappointed. I’ve definitely been playing second fiddle all week and he does get a lot of freedom because well, I’m here and I can sort it. (And yes thread police I realise I didn’t mention this in my OP. Just pondering a bit!)

In fairness to him (through gritted teeth) it’s the sort of stuff you know when you’re around all the time. But this is why a hand would have really helped.

He was away with work though, not on a jolly with his mates! How is that playing second fiddle?? He was WORKING !

Because he isn’t away with work at the moment. He went to his own parents: that may or may not be unreasonable but just now it is not correct to say he’s been working.

When your husband let you know he was planning to visit his mum after work did you say something along the lines of “actually, I’m absolutely shattered and I’ve been counting down the hours til you get back. Please can you come straight back tonight and explain to your mum that I’m in desperate need of you to take over”?

It would be wonderful if your husband just made that call himself, knowing that he’s been away and the baby’s sick but maybe he thought you were coping alright and an extra couple of hours wouldn’t make much difference. If you’ve asked him to come straight home and he’s refused then yeah I’d be upset but being really upfront about what you need in these situations is important.

Hope your baby’s on the mend soon, I remember how exhausting those days were.

No because by the time he told me he was practically there.

Hahah What?

You could have asked him to drop the card off and come straight back though then he wouldn’t have been 4 hours later than expecting and missed bed time. What did you actually say to him when he told you?

You said you were playing second fiddle all week! He was working all week! This is a 2 hour window so he can see his mum for Mothers day!

Ok so when he’s back I’d let him know you wished he’d know his plans before he set off because that would have given you the opportunity to ask him to come straight home as planned.

It doesn’t help with tonight but hopefully he will take it into account next time this sort of situation crops up.

What I say. When a man is a grown man with a wife and small children, his wife becomes the focus on mother's day, at least until the kids are old enough to spoil mum themselves. Are the people who are incredulous about this stance MILs who resent their DILs?

Yes I am aware. I didn’t go into all the details a

@IfYouDontAsk

unfortunately we never get anywhere with those types of conversations

@TeaKitten

Therss no way he would have dropped it off and come back

He was working near there.. it would have taken longer tomorrow to drive there especially, and he can't see her at the weekend. When do you think he should have taken it to her instead? Seems like he did the sensible thing.

You haven't said he's a shit dad, no. But you put laughing faces at the idea of him doing the night shift, you said he can't do the washing, you said you would need to tell him what needs doing, you said he doesn't know what needs doing because he's never there...

Those all make it sound like a shit dad to me.

Honestly - it sounds like you'd be babysitting him as well which would just be more stress surely?

Are the people who are incredulous about this stance MILs who resent their DILs?

I haven’t got a dil and I think it’s ridiculous.

at any rate DD is going mental so I think I’ll have to make a 111 call

Let’s just say he’s not done a single night wake yet!