Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

Realistically though, this question isnt "should all families have the option to have a parent at home", but "should women be viewed by society as natural unpaid caregivers".

I can see that it would work in some couples to have a balanced discussion and reach an agreed outcome, sure. But overall it seems once women could work, they did in large numbers so no i would not like to go back to a time where women's options were so limited

I work 2 days a week with a generous annual leave allowance too and find is the best balance for us. I enjoy my job but enables me to be kind or be like a full time mum/housewife as well. Have worked 3 days to full time and found life much more stressful and alot had to give at home. I don’t really see myself as an unpaid caregiver as my DH and I see ourselves as a team so share all our finances

harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home

My mother worked
My grandmothers worked

I've done my family tree. All the women worked. They were all working class and poor. They couldn't afford a working age adult not to be working.

Sometimes I think I would but when I used to work term time only, I got really bored by half way through the summer holidays even when doing loads with DS who was younger then and I struggled to sleep due to lack of mental stimulation I think.

What I’d really like to be is a housewife married to a millionaire and living on a sprawling country estate with a cleaner and gardener so I could spend my days walking my dog, going to the gym and having lunch out. Sadly, my life is far from that… 😭.

Wouldn't mind

No, done it for a few years and it wasn’t for me. Not a fan of cooking and cleaning. Like to use my brain in different ways.

I was a SAHP for 5 years - no choice at the time, we were living overseas and nurseries were non existent. But I was quite happy with it and enjoyed the time with dds when they were babies and toddlers. Dh worked extremely long hours, 6 days a week and could do very little to help, but in the circs I didn’t expect him to.

But aren't more people on antidepressants now than back then?

In any case I can understand the isolation making old fashioned housewives depressed, but having a smartphone these days where you can meet friends, find groups, stay in touch makes a crucial difference imo.

Fck no. I have ADD so I am terrible in situations where there is no real structure. I hate cleaning and chores like laundry. Cooking is ok but I find it tiresome on a daily basis. I was essentially a SAHM for 14 months after DD was born and was absolutely dreadful at it. The only thing I don’t like about working is when stress spills into family life. My job often has deadlines resulting in long hours and late nights. Sometimes I wish I had a well paying, like, civil service job that was strictly 9-5.

I do think about it sometimes. But ultimately I think I'd be bored lonely and unfulfilled. It also really depends on your choice of partner. So many men are financially abusive or don't value housework/accuse partners of doing nothing all day or decide that if they are the only one earning that means they get to do naff all at home even on weekends. Which makes the housewife role much closer to 24/7.

Fuck no

No, because financial dependence on men creates a terrible dynamic for most women, enables exploitation and abuse, and leaves women with no escape options. Even with a 'decent man' it does not lead to fair and healthy relationships. Talking to women of earlier generations, looking at the legal situation they were in with things like marital rape and assets, or reading autobiographies or even fiction from that (i.e. any earlier) time period, or from women who have left such set ups in religious communities in the US gives the lie to the cupcakes and crafting anti-feminist propaganda.

We are all over-worked. Men and women should both be able to work part-time without sacrificing career progress.

Oh and I’d have a horse or horses too! Ahhhh actually, I really want that life!!

@KreedKafer : “However, I wouldn't want to have to ask my partner for money or justify anything I'd spent on myself. I'd hate that. So without my own income, that would be an issue.”

They do have things like joint bank accounts and credit cards in the UK, don’t they? My twelfth anniversary is in June and I’ve never asked my husband for money in my life, or justified spending money on myself.

Just talking generally, I find it interesting that these conversations seem to always come down to not working versus “careers.” No one ever seems to mention women who don’t have careers so much as they have low-paid jobs that aren’t terribly personally fulfilling.

I’m essentially a housewife and love it I have a low stress life and my husband takes his fair share of chores eg. Cooking dinner, doing bedtimes etc

I actually think as a society the ideal would be for everyone to work part time. Childcare would be covered in school holidays, time to cook from scratch, work out, spend more time with your family/community. I think it would result in a happier, healthier population.

Obviously a fantasy as having two working adults is what has led us to the current level of house prices but if there was an AI reset I think that would be the best option.

@BatildaBII I’ll decide if my own relationship is fair and healthy, thanks.

I find it interesting that a lot (not all) of the people saying no to the topic question feel the need to inform everyone how they’d just hate it, how it’s so inferior, so sexist and bad for women, so mindless and full of drudgery and how no one in their right mind could possibly want to be a SAHM/homemaker. The SAHM answering seem to do a much better job on the whole of keeping their comments limited to their own experience, without heaping negativity and judgement on other people’s situations.

SAHM to school-age children with plenty of disposable income for the aforementioned gym, lunches, galleries, museums and meetups to do as well as the cooking and cleaning: yes.

SAHM to under fives living on an average income: no. On my first mat leave we had so little spare cash and it was so dull. I just felt trapped and lonely (didn't have an easy baby either which didn't help). I couldn't be at home all the time with toddlers.

It wouldn’t be for me. I love my work and working. I hated maternity leave.

Rose tinted glasses. Working class women have always worked.

The idea that women should be at home is largely a post war idea as jobs were wanted for men and the women who had been competently doing all kinds of jobs had to make way for returning men.

Running a house was more work in the past as fewer mod cons. Hand washing, and no tumble dryers or dishwashers.

Being a 1950s style housewife is my idea of hell. I’d be on the gin and Valium for sure!

I am one at the moment. I love it and dont miss work at all. I see friends juggling it all and whilst I admire them for it. I can see how tough it is. My youngest is at nursery 3 days a week and on those days I shop, gym, see friends & relax. So many say they'd be bored (fair enough) but I'm not and neither are the sahms near me. One key factor - we all have money be it through marriage or independent wealth. I have a cleaner/housekeeper twice a week. I don't make meals from scratch - my kids had birds eye fish fingers tonight. I have very little stress in my life and i'm going to enjoy until I decide the time is right to work again.

Staying home cooking and cleaning would drive me insane.

My mum was a SAHM until I was a young teen. I haven’t had children as I never ever wanted a life spent in the home and that’s all I saw, and is what having children meant to me.

But that’s my view of it - I think my mum was very happy!

Horses for courses.

No. If I was a housewife I would probably end up starting a business out of boredom. Or becoming an equivalent to the Avon lady.

I don’t find “housework” fulfilling (yes it’s satisfying - but it’s not something I’d do day in and day out without having something else going on).

I get some women or people are suited to doing this full time though. I wouldn’t mind maybe being a housewife for the first part of my children’s lives - or working part time.

I’d bloody love it!!

Who wouldn’t love having three days to themselves, money to go out with and even a cleaner/housekeeper too! I’d not be bored with that set up either.