Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

In the day few had cars, even fewer more than one. Refrigerators were also uncommon so most houses had a cool pantry where food was kept. You shopped most days especially in warmer weather as food went off, no supermarkets so down the high street going shop to shop. In colder weather you had to set the fire and keep it going. Washing machines were also uncommon so you did the washing by hand and hung it out to dry or took it in a bus to the wash house. For cleaning carpets you'd life the carpet and hang it over a rope and beat it.

It was a lot of work. Even today I think I'd struggle without a fridge/freezer and supermarket. High Street grocers and butchers in the evening, without a supermarket they'd be manic on a Saturday.

No no no no no no no no no no. And another no from me 😄

Yes there are many a day I'm tired and feel I'm being pushed to my limit, and I'm not a particularly house proud/Delia Smith/earth mother person type of person but the juggle is hard.

I work part time, and it is my lifeline at times. It enables me to have my independence and personal growth. It is also very helpful at keeping that roof over my families head.

I love my children and my husband but I also love myself and need to keep something for myself. To put it simply, I'd go coo coo if I was a SAHM. (But those that choose that life are free to from mine or anyone else's judgement)

I’ve been doing it for 3 months now (quit job on ML) and have been looking for another job for about 2 weeks. That tells you all you need to know about how I feel about being a SAHM.

I miss having my own money. I miss my commute reading/podcast time. I miss challenging myself mentally and speaking to other adults on topics other than weaning and sleep.

I am looking for PT though as I worked FT after having my first child 10 years ago up until now and the grind wore me down big time.

My mother was that adult, dedicated to the wellbeing of everyone in the family. Unfortunately, it proved to be terrible for her own wellbeing.

For a lot of people, the dedicated focus on home and family would be too narrow, and leave them without much of an identity beyond their home & family. Of course, paid work isn't the only solution to that - investing significant time in a hobby or in volunteering etc might have the same effect, but then, they are no longer solely focused on the home and the family anyway.

If people are happy with home/family being the main/sole focus of their lives, then fair enough. For lots of people, though, it would feel like something was missing.

No I wouldn't wasnt to be a house wife in the trad sense of the word.
Even when the kids were little I didn't want it.

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen)

To me this is utter BS. With a little thought it is easy ( IMO obviously) to prepare 3xmeals a day that don't include UPF. I have been doing it for 27 years. I am not saying that I never eat them. Of course I do, i like ice cream, I like a drink of Whiskey now and then but things like sausauges and meat are bought from the local butcher and doesn't have 10 different ingredients in. There is no need to buy fruit flavoured yougurts. A huge tub of Greek Yogurt with chopped apple, banana or whatver suffices for breakfast. You don't need to be a housewife to eat well.

I'd never want to be a housewife. I want to earn my own money.

I found maternity leave hideously boring but also massively stressful. I am not cut out to be a housewife.

Thank fuck I was born in the 1980s and not the 1880s.

There was an interesting programme on the BBC a while ago called ‘back in time for dinner’ and if I remember correctly they talked about how the invention of home freezers and frozen food made it easier for women to go out to work.

Or maybe they can't afford to do anything that costs money if they dont work? I suppose it might be nice if you have a decent amount of money coming into the house. Not so much if all you can afford is to walk to local park or library

We both work full time but have meals cooked from scratch every night. It doesn’t have to take hours!

If one of us stayed home I honestly don’t know what we’d do all day? We could get rid of the cleaner, but they only come for 2hrs a week. Everything thing else just seems to slot in. We spent most weekends outside the home so it doesn’t really get messy and we definitely don’t do any chores at the weekend.

No I love my jobs. If we won the lottery I could go part time. (One is currently full time and the other is 0 hour contract but varies between 8-40 hours depending on the week).

DH would give up his full time job, and keep the 0 hours (same as what I do), he’s been there 20 years and it’s a HUGE part of our lives so it’s more than work. We would both be more picky on what bits we did though.

DH would absolutely be a house husband (keeping the 0 hours though, we’ll never give that up) and I’ve genuinely been trying to work out if that’s possible. It’s completely not, financially we both have to work, full time + second jobs. More so because I’m now on maternity leave.

Being a housewife is not for me, going part time and having more time to spend as a family, doing the odd bits round the house, absolutely. But full time at home, all the cleaning/cooking/washing etc. not a chance. He’s much better at it than me and would enjoy it more.

I think the ideal is to have one parent working when dc are under age of seven and after that it’s great if one parent can work three days a week or two parents have one day off a week.

“I think women who are bored at home are the types that never go anywhere or do anything, couch potatoes.”

Surely it would be the opposite? If you were a couch potato you’d love being at home sat in the sofa all day!!

I work 3 days a week. For me it's the perfect balance. I did miss work when I was on maternity leave. And I would think once DC are older I will go for higher up jobs that don't interest me now, but my foot is in the door

Before when I worked full times I always cooked from scratch anyway I think it's a habit

Yes, but only because my husband is brilliant and I trust him. I think for most people it would be stressful and potentially financial suicide.

For years we both worked 60 hour weeks, it allowed us to get ahead and build up a decent investment portfolio. But it takes its toll. I'd love for us to both work part-time or one 40 hours and the other be at home. We both have hobbies so no hardship there.

No, I would die of boredom.

I loved maternity leave and was off for a few years after but had to go back to work to help the family finances in the end. I have a stressful pressurised professional job but felt the pressure to go back to it to be a role model for the kids and to make DH feel life was fairer. I’m not very good at tidying or cleaning and got easily overwhelmed by piles of washing etc when I was at home with little ones so I don’t think I make a very competent housewife. But it makes me miserable doing a half hearted job at work, and home being a mess except when the cleaner comes once a week. I wish I could have a week off every so often to declutter the house but with hardly any annual leave to cover school holidays it makes no sense. But I can’t seem to stay on top of anything. I wish I was the sort of person who could. Really I wish I wasn’t working but still had a cleaner and could do fun creative things like write but that’s obviously not really fair on DH who has the big job, and we can’t afford it anyway. Retirement feels a long way away.

I did it for 7 years. Parts of it were wonderful, being with my kids, parts of it were hard work and monotomus, I did loose my own identity for a while. I was quite self righteous at the time about being there for my kids. However after 7 years my marriage broke down and I was left as a single mum, having to rebuild my life. In 11 years I've done well, but had to get out to work, rebuild my career and juggle it all whilst going through the devestation for me and the kids of divorce. I got an opportunity and seized on it and am now successful again, but its been hard work. Reflecting I gave up and sacraficed a lot to be that stay at home mum (whilst my husbands career went from strength to strength) and it may not have worked out so well for me.

No, not personally. I'm not very good at all the traditional housewife duties, like cooking, cleaning, running the home, some people take pride and pleasure in having that all running well, I don't and can't seem to organize it all.

Would I fuck!!

I hate housework and I'd go batshit without the mental stimulation and challenge of my job.

I cook from scratch at least 2 of my 3 meals every day. It really doesn't have to be that time consuming if you don't wish it to be.

Honestly I live on my own with no dependants and am going to drop a day of work because full time is just too much 🤣

If I ever had kids I would love to be a SAHM, or take on a less pressured job only 2 days a week or something. However, I am lucky to have a financial cushion and a strong career to fall back on should a marriage go Pete Tong!

I have done it before and will be again in the summer. I absolutely love being a housewife/SAHM. I love spending time with the children and I never expected much from my husband. He used to put the bins out and do some of the garden (I did the rest). Occasionally he would put the kids to bed but if he was at work I thought it was only fair that housework/child care was down to me.

I'd actually love to be a SAHM/housewife, I loved both my maternity leaves and didn't miss work at all! We couldn't afford for me not to work though.
Also I think the key thing is choice, I wouldn't want to go back to the days when women have to stay at home and I completely respect any woman's right to work or not work

No way! I would hate to be home all day and fully responsible for household tasks and only having that and my kids to occupy my mind.

I enjoy my job, I get satisfaction for being able to support my family and also I know that if something happens to DH, we won't be left destitute (as I was as a family when my father left us and my sahm).

Definitely not. You can make housework and cooking into a full time job if you are determined to do so, but you can't make it into a life's work.