Would you like to be an 'old fashioned' housewife?

[SloaneStreetVandal]

Or a househusband (though we're mainly women on here). And I suspect that most men would say no...

I was reading the ultra processed foods thread, and it struck me (as it often does) that working families are so pushed for time in this era that preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch is nigh on impossible (and that is the basic premise of what a UPF is; its something you couldnt prepare in your own kitchen). I'm not talking about removing that opportunity, nor harking back to bygone days when a woman's 'place' was in the home (though I think that, whilst women's rights have thankfully progressed massively in the work place, they've not progressed so much in the home/society at large; some bygone views/expectations of women persist. I think, for example, running the house and organising children are still largely female pursuits...). It strikes me that having the 'healthy' ideal lifestyle of cooking from scratch, exercising and spending quality time raising children is a pipe dream when both parents have no choice but to work full time.

I know its complex, and theres a bigger picture (interested to hear thoughts thereof too). I'm just curious (I'm not a researcher! Genuinely just interested) to hear honest takes (few women would be happy to publicly admit in RL that 'running the home', whilst their husband earned, would be their preferred choice to working). Do you think the opportunity for one parent to be at home full time should be a choice available to us all (as it once, generally, was)?

YABU - I want to work, its not just necessity.
YANBU - I'd prefer to be at home, running the show full time.

Fuck no. I love my independence and would never want to be financially reliant on a man.

Working part-time is the ideal.
Anyone older who saw what it was like when lots of mothers were housewives would not want to go back there. So many miserable women on GP prescribed drugs to cope with the misery. Its fine for a few years, but not year after year.

Christ, no. I loathe housework and related tasks. I like small children but find them tedious. I love food, and therefore cooking, but the everyday evening meal is a chore. I need plenty of mental stimulation.

I'd have LOVED a househusband! I knew a handful, but they were thin on the ground and it looks like that situation's only improved very slightly for today's young women. I outsourced the domestic work, but the husbands still expected me to be sorting everything and they're both ex-husbands now.

I expect adults living together to share joint and equal responsibility for running their lives and home. It's bloody astounding that this still isn't the default.

In terms of upf, lots of housewives made simpler foods then that many today would not find acceptable. Mince and onions with mashed potato was a common one. Fry up onions and mince then serve. Fry up a bit of liver and serve with potato and veg. Boiled egg and buttered toast for tea. Breakfast was often toast.
I am sure most of us could find time to cook like this. Bread was bought at the bakers.

No I wouldn't. I don't trust men having been married three times and I would never put my life in their hands like that. They think with their dicks end of.
Just as well I always thought that because they all let me down, cheated, left when the going got tough. At least I have my own house and career.

Fuck that

No.

Same. Feeling like I had become responsible for managing the home because I was on mat leave was utterly, utterly grim. I felt like an unpaid maid. To the point I went back to work when my babies were four months.

Absolutely not! I keep my house immaculate and its easy to keep clean without children and DP does his fair share. i hate hate hate cooking so do the bare minimum. 30mins from prep to plate is the goal and again, shared equally with DP.

i couldn't imagine ever relying on a man for money either, i hate spending other peoples earnings

Sounds tempting right now. 😂

I'd rather be at home. I wouldn't get bored at all. Stay home, raise kids, cook and clean. I don't want to go out to work. Not interested in climbing any ladders. Happy to be someone's mother and wife and that's it. I mean, it would be different if my husband wasn't able to support me with a good lifestyle. Then I'd have to work, but I don't want to.

I cook from scratch every day and work full time and have kids. It is doable. People just seem to think it's harder than it is. I can rustle up a home cooked meal in 15 minutes. With things like instant pots and slow cookers it's really not that hard. It takes just as long to browse a takeaway menu or put a ready meal in the oven. I wouldn't like to be a full time housewife. I'd find it too boring.

No I would hate it. I love spending time with my children but I hate housework and house keeping. But I would love to be married to someone who stayed at home full time. To come home from work to a lovely home cooked meal, house sparkling clean, children happy and contented from all day with a parent. I would be happy to work part time too with another parent working part time, so that we both get half the week at home and half at work.

Unless you have a particular love of repetitive, tedious, thankless, unpaid manual work in a socially isolated environment, 'running the home' is a ball ache.

I think the term "old fashioned housewife" is a bit of a myth .In reality many WC women worked ,and many MC ones were probably a bit bored at home especially as the children got older .Now it would be a complete non starter as most people need 2 wages with the high cost of living .Also many who have slaved away to get their degree wont want it to go to waste

Diazepam, actually!

Antidepressants are much more commonly prescribed for women now than they were then.

However, I don't think the use of antidepressants either now in the 1950s is actually connected to whether women work or whether they stay at home - I think it's a lot more about whether they feel they have a choice in the matter and whether they have the support of their partner and how their finances are etc.

I'm sure there are plenty of women (and indeed men) who work full-time today who would much rather be at work running the household - and I'm sure there were also plenty back in the days of being 'housewives' who would much rather have been working in a paid job.

I also suspect that the housewives who had equal access to the family finances and equal decision-making power in the relationship were a lot happier than the ones who were given a small 'housekeeping allowance' and had to justify every penny spent to their husbands.

I have a very good degree and I'm absolutely a feminist. I also don't have any kids. But if staying at home and being solely responsible for the cooking, housework etc was a viable option financially, I'd definitely take it. I hate housework if I have to do it AND go to work every day, but I'm fine with it when it's the one thing I have to do. I also don't get bored at home because if I've got Radio 4, audiobooks and the telly to accompany whatever task I'm doing, I'm all good. It's only really when I'm at work that I'm ever bored. I really like cooking and I'd love to be able to pop out during the day and buy veg and fresh meat/fish from individual shops a couple of times a week.

However, I wouldn't want to have to ask my partner for money or justify anything I'd spent on myself. I'd hate that. So without my own income, that would be an issue.

I think if I had a community around me like my Grandmother did that’d be different. We have certain expenses (Private school) if we didn’t have those for the next 9 years then who knows!

I think the term "old fashioned housewife" is a bit of a myth .In reality many WC women worked

Yes, both my grandmothers worked full time when my parents were kids - and my parents were born in the 1940s. My mum's mum worked in factories and my dad's mum was a book-keeper for a trade union.

Honestly? I think that wages should be high enough that running a house for an average family in average housing and in an average area should be affordable on one salary. And that the way the workforce operates should accommodate that approach in terms of hiring practices and flexibility once in employment.

But utopia does not exist and in practice that just doesn’t and can’t work.

By old fashioned I was referring purely to the term housewife; I single quoted it because the word itself is considered old fashioned/passé.

All apple pie and sweetness until your dh starts sleeping around/beating you/gambling/going AWOL. And you're completely dependent on him for £££ so you can't complain too much.

Fuck that.

I think that's a less likely scenario than it once was. Our house for example is jointly owned, and I have my own savings. If my husband was to suddenly change character it would be him getting turfed out on his ear!

I have never done the housewife bit except during maternity leave. My sister stopped work after her first child (had two) and became a SAHM. Oldest is 27 - never returned to work. Chose to do this as BIL is SE And works erratic and demanding hours.

Her house is a palace, always immaculate, most food home cooked, fabulous baker etc. Her husband does dishes every night but really no other housework. He does heavy gardening, DIY, bins etc.

Has time for hobbies etc. and she forgets working women can’t always fit in a wee lunch or rustle up something delish every night in a pristine kitchen. She’s happy as larry in her life. Helps that BIL is a gem, all monies shared, nice lifestyle, holidays etc. Daresay if he was a shit would not be at all nice.

Very occasionally she grumbles about being taken for granted, but uncommon. I sometimes wish I could do the same, but I do think I would miss working (but never when surveying dish mountain at 6.30pm after working all day).

Depends how old fashioned you mean...?
2 generations ago people probably didn't have a car, washing machine, tumble dryer, dishwasher, microwave, air fryer, freezer etc. Fewer formal childcare settings. And no supermarket deliveries..possibly no supermarkets...

...so shopping, laundry, cooking and cleaning would take a far greater portion of the day than anyone staying at home today. The term housewife meant doing all the stuff in the house....which a lot of people don't do, even if they're at home so it's not really a comparison.

I doubt there's many people today, going on foot to a market, butcher, baker etc daily and then going home to prepare a meal, sweep the floor, hand-wash clothes etc...and neither does it sound remotely appealing!

Neither of my grandmother's went out to work due to illness/disability but both were wc.