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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH should have eaten the dinner I cooked

439 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 06/03/2024 20:27

I wfh full time and have to juggle picking up DC and taking to after school clubs etc. So don't have a huge amount of time for shopping/cooking delicious home made meals from scratch.

I managed to do a quick weekly shop the other day but was running out of ideas for dinners and grabbed a packet of something on offer that you just chuck all the ingredients in a bag and cook so it's nice and easy to prep and I can leave cooking while I do other stuff. We have had a couple in the past and my DH has said he didn't really like them, but this was was more Italian based which we eat a lot of so hoped it would be OK.

So tonight he sits down to dinner and just pulled a face and said I'm not eating this. I'll just make a sandwich. This caused my DC to say I don't want it either!

I managed to convince my DC to eat it and they enjoyed it, but my DH just sat there with a full plate and a face on.

I've gone to take DC to bed and he has gone to the shop to buy a pizza.

AIBU: I shouldn't have cooked it if there was a chance he wouldn't like it, forcing him to get his own dinner

Or

NBU: He should have eaten it and said maybe don't get that again?

OP posts:
DogsAreBetterThanHusbands · 07/03/2024 10:46

Rosebyanothername19 · 06/03/2024 21:13

Thank you for your responses everyone.

I was also brought up in an eat what you're given environment so to not eat it at all I just found odd.

I also didn't realise that it might be the whole cook in a bag thing. I just assumed it was the flavours he didn't like before. Noted. I will resist all of them in the future! (Although my, clearly dreadful, palate really likes them!)

Maybe he thinks they're too little effort and wants you to put in more effort for dinner. Obviously he can't say this, so it's more acceptable to say that he doesn't like the taste, then when you give him one that has a different flavour he refuses to even try it and you know it's not the taste!

It's coming across to me like you haven't tried hard enough (to him) especially as he is being so rude about it in front of your son.

Would he be like this if you had given him beans on toast for dinner? Or some other easy option?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/03/2024 10:50

@Rosebyanothername19 tell him he is on the cooking duties for the evening meals from now on! bloody cheek!!

ShakeNvacStevens · 07/03/2024 10:54

I bet if DH had to work his extra hours after he’s done his fair share of dinner bath and bed etc he’d mysteriously be able to get all his office work done in fewer hours each day. It’s clear he’s choosing to opt out of the drudge work of family life.

SwingTheMonkey · 07/03/2024 11:11

Patrickiscrazy · 07/03/2024 10:14

Appreciate what you are saying, OP, however, your husband is not a child to be told what or when to eat.
I think we all endured this to some extent before adulthood.

Ah, the confusion probably lies in the fact op’s husband behaves like a child. Doing none of the parenting, nor housework, shopping or cooking and just sits in his room until he’s called for his tea. I can see where op might be mistaken in thinking she’s got another child to look after.

burnoutbabe · 07/03/2024 11:11

I'd find it rude that suddenly he had time to go to the shops but only gets a pizza for himself.

Rather than a more productive range of meals he liked for next few days.

peakygold · 07/03/2024 11:14

I have found that one of the pleasures of being an adult is not having to eat food I don't like.

whosaidtha · 07/03/2024 11:21

'He could have eaten it and said don't buy it again' - he already has. At least twice. And you didn't listen.

pootlin · 07/03/2024 11:24

whosaidtha · 07/03/2024 11:21

'He could have eaten it and said don't buy it again' - he already has. At least twice. And you didn't listen.

Just like you’re not listening to OP saying she’s fed up of being expected to work full time and do all the household chores.

Goldenbear · 07/03/2024 11:37

Why can't he just make something he likes then?

I sometimes have this problem with my DC as they have been spoilt by my DH's cooking. My DH loves cooking, he's obsessed, he is a really good cook but he's not around in the week very often due to work, so his creations are weekend, laboured over numbers, they often have expensive or Artisan ingredients included. My DC now find my concoctions amusing and disappointing, amusing because I often substitute things, think mackerel Thai curry one night as I didn't have any prawns or disappointing as I have shop bought pizzas. My DD is nearly 13 and is health obsessed so she is not keen on 'junk'. DS will sometimes question what is in the dish with a look of this doesn't look very appetising. He was ill last week and claimed my overcooked, soggy pasta made him sick as he said it was swimming in cream- he qualified this remark by saying that he wasn't being offensive it was just fact. On the upside of this he is learning to cook as I have encouraged him to do so before university next year.

DrunkTinkerbell40s · 07/03/2024 11:43

He didn't even try it?
No, you're not being at all unreasonable.
For a few days I would cook for you and child and make him sort himself out!!!
If he tried it and didn't love it I would still expect him to eat it! He's a grown up. I wouldn't cook it again but unless it's making him sick, he can eat the dinner I kindly cooked for him, just like I would expect my children to do!!

Greengumby · 07/03/2024 11:57

I can’t understand the posters who are saying they can’t believe he didn’t try it or at least take one bite… what would happen if he took a bite and then said he didn’t like it, was not going to eat it and was getting pizza? The result is still the same regardless of whether he takes a bite or not.

DrunkTinkerbell40s · 07/03/2024 12:25

Greengumby · 07/03/2024 11:57

I can’t understand the posters who are saying they can’t believe he didn’t try it or at least take one bite… what would happen if he took a bite and then said he didn’t like it, was not going to eat it and was getting pizza? The result is still the same regardless of whether he takes a bite or not.

I can't understand people not understanding this.
Would you accept a child to at least try something you have cooked before saying they don't like it? How do they know they don't like it without taking a bite?
It would make all the difference to me. I wouldn't expect someone to eat something they HATE but I would think it very rude if I cooked for someone and they thought they'd PREFER a pizza

ChronicOnVodkaAndTonic · 07/03/2024 12:26

Really quite shocked at the amount of people here who say they'd force their DH's to eat food they don't like.... yes, there's an imbalance of duties here and OP needs to insert a stick up her DH's backside but Jesus christ.

About a month or so ago there was a thread where a woman was complaining her DH was always serving her food she'd previously told him she didn't like. The response was overwhelmingly refuse to eat it. Tell him you don't like it. Bin it. Ect.

Same scenario but role reversal here. Fascinating how responses change based on the sex of the individual complaining, isn't it...

Goldenbear · 07/03/2024 12:35

ChronicOnVodkaAndTonic · 07/03/2024 12:26

Really quite shocked at the amount of people here who say they'd force their DH's to eat food they don't like.... yes, there's an imbalance of duties here and OP needs to insert a stick up her DH's backside but Jesus christ.

About a month or so ago there was a thread where a woman was complaining her DH was always serving her food she'd previously told him she didn't like. The response was overwhelmingly refuse to eat it. Tell him you don't like it. Bin it. Ect.

Same scenario but role reversal here. Fascinating how responses change based on the sex of the individual complaining, isn't it...

Realistically though, I wonder how many Mothers for a start get cooked for every night (only half joking), sit down, make a face, declare the cooking to be below standard and then leave to say they are off to the shops to buy a pizza.

ChronicOnVodkaAndTonic · 07/03/2024 12:40

Goldenbear · 07/03/2024 12:35

Realistically though, I wonder how many Mothers for a start get cooked for every night (only half joking), sit down, make a face, declare the cooking to be below standard and then leave to say they are off to the shops to buy a pizza.

Show quote history

He'd already said he didn't like it...

Gettingonmygoat · 07/03/2024 13:28

I take it he does 50% of the shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry ?

whosaidtha · 07/03/2024 13:28

@pootlin but that's a separate issue. Be mad and annoyed about that. Sure. But don't get mad at him for not eating something he's said on at least 2 previous occasions he doesn't like.

NotSoBetty · 07/03/2024 13:41

Hang on, so you work full time, do the school drop offs and pick ups, clubs, food shop and do all the cooking? What does he do? How does he contribute? If he doesn’t like your cooking, put him on cooking duty, get him to do something around the house.

Estellaa · 07/03/2024 13:44

NotSoBetty · 07/03/2024 13:41

Hang on, so you work full time, do the school drop offs and pick ups, clubs, food shop and do all the cooking? What does he do? How does he contribute? If he doesn’t like your cooking, put him on cooking duty, get him to do something around the house.

Divorce the rude, lazy bastard, more like.

Moonshine5 · 07/03/2024 13:44

He sounds rude.
Does he ever cook for you you?
Just cook for you and the kids until he learns some manners.

Dylanesque · 07/03/2024 13:47

Throwing some shite-in-a-bag into a pot and boiling it up is not 'cooking'. I wouldn't eat it either

Aria999 · 07/03/2024 13:49

You do seem to have a wider DH problem!

Next time you fancy a boil in bag thing just say ' hey DH I'm making that stuff you don't like tonight so you'll probably want to sort yourself out something else?'

pootlin · 07/03/2024 13:57

whosaidtha · 07/03/2024 13:28

@pootlin but that's a separate issue. Be mad and annoyed about that. Sure. But don't get mad at him for not eating something he's said on at least 2 previous occasions he doesn't like.

It’s not a separate issue. Because to punish OP, he also refused to do the dishes.

Th amount of people excusing the knobhead is nauseating.

whosaidtha · 07/03/2024 14:19

@pootlin but the op didn't ask if she could be pissed he didn't do the dishes. She asked if he should have eaten it. And tbh I wouldn't want to do the dishes if my DH cooked something id told him I didn't like.

pootlin · 07/03/2024 14:22

whosaidtha · 07/03/2024 14:19

@pootlin but the op didn't ask if she could be pissed he didn't do the dishes. She asked if he should have eaten it. And tbh I wouldn't want to do the dishes if my DH cooked something id told him I didn't like.

So the knobhead gets out of picking up and dropping off dc, of doing the foodshop, of dropping kids to after school clubs and cooking, and if he also deems the dinner unworthy of him he can also refuse to do the dishes?